I am not trying

WI day, up 2 lbs! Ew! I was sort of really annoyed by that at first. I didn't do horrible this week, I worked out a fair bit. Then I started justifying it. I did eat a rather large supper yesterday, still in my system, plus that super hard workout probably packed on some muscle, plus water retention. And just when I thought I'd take some time and blog, staring at the title blank I realized, I'm really not trying. I'm wishing. I'm hoping that if I'm good about half the time, and want it bad enough, then I'll lose weight and get back to where I was and even to goal. But I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way.

Yesterday for example, felt like a pretty good day. Cereal and a banana for breakfast, veggies and hummus, salad, soup, yogurts, oranges, etc during the day. All good. I stopped to grab a few more groceries I needed for recipes I wanted to make and since it was getting late I also grabbed a frozen pizza for supper. I found a "healthy" option with whole wheat crust, chicken and tomato toppings. I added some pinapple I had in the fridge. A serving for 250 calories was 1/4, I thought, good, I can have a whole half a pizza (3 pieces) and still be good for a supper. So 500 calories. Then I have a glass of milk, then a vitamuffin because I also found those in the grocery store and I didn't think we could get them in Canada. (ps - way disappointed). Then a banana. Then a sugar free pudding cup I also bought that I didn't know were available (dulce de luche, only ok). So that's about 800+ calories now. THEN I decide I'm a bit munchy so I eat a crap load of jujubes. Probably at least another 200 calories worth. GROSS! 1000 calories (at least) just at supper! NOT a good day.

Also, my working out hasn't been as good as I think it is. I'm working out 2 maybe 3 days a week. That's not really good. That's bare minimum. What happened to hitting the gym? There was a time when I worked out every day and it felt weird if I didn't. I like working out! Granted I don't run anymore because even when it's a nice day, by the time I get home it's cold and dark and windy. So that's gonna be out. But I still have my weights and at least until Christmas I've got a gym membership. So what the hell? I'm certainly not that busy.

New game plan - 4 workouts/week. I've got my 2 classes, so then that's just say 1 at home and 1 at the gym per week. Ideally it would be 2 at the gym AND 1 at home. Another new game plan - plan my suppers. More salads. Either as a side or the main event. They satisfy my time requirements (I feel like I have to eat for a certain amount of time, even if I'm full, it just doesn't feel done if it's too quick). But when I plan a meal, main dish, side, salad or whatever, then fill my plate up with everythign all at once, I rarely go back for seconds, I'm much more satisfied. Plus I eat healthier foods. I do love toast, but a plate full of carrots, then leftover soup, then 3 pieces of toast, then 10 dinosaurs, then a banana with peanut butter, then a pudding cup is not a good supper. I've definately done that.

So hopefully this weekend I can plan out some meals for the week and do the prep. Let's think slow cooker so I still manage to go to the gym.

Anyway, hopefully I can get over this thing that's making me not try. I like trying, I feel good when I try. I'm just being lazy right now.

Getting back to other small things. I found Vitamuffins in Safeway! (I never shop at Safeway, it's the most expensive grocery store, that and Co-op.) They were regular $7.50 or so for 4 muffins! GROSS! But 2 flavours were on sale for less than half price (I think they're old or something) So I bought a box of blueberry bran and multiberry bran or something. Had one last night. Only ok. Definately had the "health food" flavour. (aka hubby would hate them). I was also disappointed because I thought there was something about them that was really incredible. First for the cost, second for how much they're talked about online. But really, homemade muffins could have about 100 calories each (depending on recipe), they're super easy to make, can have all natural ingredients if you want. I just didn't see what the big deal was. It is nice to have them individually wrapped so you can just grab one from the freezer to throw in your lunch. But that's not worth $1 a muffin.

Other things, going out for lunch today with my sister. I don't really remember any healthy options at this place. So try and stick to something small. No fries for sure. Maybe a big salad. We'll see.

Hubby's been gone hunting for 2 nights now. Funny how things aren't really any different. I think by Sunday I'll have noticed, but that was sort of my point in our last fight. I don't ever see him anyway when he is home. Our morning schedules don't collide so the only thing that's really different is that the front door is still locked when I leave. I'm still making supper by myself (for myself, he only eats with me about 3 or 4 nights a week), I guess the couch is open for me to lay on all the time, he sometimes takes that over. But then sometimes he's not home at all so absolutely nothing is different. I think I'll have to mention this to him when he gets home.

Anyway, busy getting ready for the weekend. And thank goodness for blogs. I found a recipe I made last year that I couldn't find ANYWHERE! It's for chocolate peanut butter truffles. I posted the recipe on my blog last Christmas! yay! (SO easy, 8 chocolate squares melted, 1/2 cup peanut butter, cool to room temperature, add in 1 tub of thawed coolwhip, cool for 1 hour [min]. Roll into balls, or try a melon baller, roll in icing sugar or sprinkles or whatever you want. They might get mushy but just refridgerate again. tada!) So I mixed them up, didn't roll them yet. Made half with no peanut butter because people have allergies (while that would suck a lot for them, I can't help being annoyed at them for it anyway). Also found my recipe for Spanakopita. (feta spinach triangles). downloaded some Christmas music and decorated my house! (well only half done). My list of things to do still:

Burn the cd with the time theme appropriate christmas music (It's 1930's? 40's? murder mystery).
Roll truffles
Make Spanakopita
Make spinach (or other) dip
Finish decorating (aka find outdoor Christmas lights, maybe hubby knows?)
Clean house <- big one!


That's all before my party Saturday night. Then on sunday I plan on:
doing Christmas cards (I've got lots of homemade ones left from last year so just writing in them and sending)
putting plastic on windows (to keep heat in ya know?)
scrapbooking - maybe some kind of Christmas present thing?

I also have to figure out all the stuff I'm buying for people for Christmas, so if you don't mind I thought I'd do it here. Feel free to skip, you don't know these people!

(Mom and) Dad - make golf ball game (we've already bought supplies, just need to cut and make etc, even thought it's homemade, still works out to $50!)
Mom - food processor - It's on her list, and it does sort of go over my budget, but I feel bad since I broke her last one.

Sister - picked her name, $50 limit - tree necklace online ($25?) potluck bowl? ($15), wine charms and socks etc (small stuff)($10)

Littlest brother - SO HARD. No idea. (what does a 20 year old guy want that's cheap, we're talking $10 here.) He did say clothing on his list so maybe some kind of t-shirt or something.

Little brother - I was going to get him a photo album/scrapbook and offer services to help him organize his pictures from his last trip (10 countries in Europe over 3 months).

BIL-to-be - Anything Rider's. Was thinking of making him a Rider's ornament.

BIL (other side, picked his name $50) - again no idea. Maybe just crap out and get him a gift certificate somewhere. But I wonder if I could maybe find something cool online... (oh yeah, this is the creepy one who grabs my butt and says inappropriate things that are all just joking around and I should get over...)

MIL B-day - just pay SIL for part of whatever she bought, some big thing

MIL and FIL - asked for money to go towards their new tv unit. Isn't that the weirdest thing ever? They wanted to ask for a tv unit, but wanted to pick it out themselves. Isn't that something you just buy as 50 year old adults? Don't even get me started...

Niece #1 - I'm thinking Hanna Montana something. She's 9, that's age appropriate right? I can't remember anything about being 9. Plus this kid is so spoiled she's already got every single toy kind of thing that exists.

Niece #2 - she's a baby. I bought her a cute nightlight thing for her room and i'm thinking an outfit? Obviously she doesn't care, but her mom will care very much I'm sure.

Nephew - Hubby's God-son. Basically he can take care of it since he always wants to get him something ridiculous anyway. (this kid is even more spoiled than neice #1, he's been getting adult things like paintball guns and brand name clothing for years, he's 6.)

Hubby - we're not really getting each other presents. (so I thought). We're getting the $500 satellite dish thing. I thought that was it. But I guess hubby already bought me something else because he thinks we can use the basement money (aka money we've taken out against our mortgage) to buy fun things like this (and a big entertainment center when the basement finally gets done...). So I guess if I see something that's fairly awesome that he needs to have he can get it. But otherwise I'm sticking to nothing. that was our deal.

Hubby's b-day (jan 4) - again. nothing. He wanted to buy a new something tool (when he already had one) so used his money but went over, so he asked if I could just pay for half of his tool as his birthday present so he doesn't have to pay back our savings. How lame is he? (I guess he gets it from his parents right?). I also do throw a big party for his birthday all the time, cooking like crazy and cleaning and hosting like awesome. (it's our annual sledding party where we take crazy carpets etc to the little kid sledding hill in the middle of the night and go bananas, so fun).

Again, I feel like I should get him some sort of awesome suprise, but only if I see something that's perfect. I'm thinking there's a knife he's wanted for over a year that I might get him (he collects pocket knives and fancy sword things etc). But again, I gotta look online, there are treasures to be found on ebay.

Ok so that brings my total to about $350, plus $100 for the two people hubby picked, so $450 on Christmas presents before spending anything on each other. And we don't even have kids. Holy crap it is expensive huh? (there's my treadmill huh?) and I'd say we're fairly cheap on all these gifts.

Oh well, I'll see what the budget says...