Friday, June 29, 2007


Ok well I snuck a peak. I know I know. I feel bad, I do. But the number was soooo good. starts with a one.....THEN A 4!!! That's awesome! But the reason I'm trying not to get too excited about it is because it was not an official weigh in day and when it finally comes around it could still be a loss but it might be higher than that number and it'll feel like a gain. oh the games we play...
but I am super excited that something I'm doing must be working. I'm not sure if anybody's read all the way back to my intro post but i've been more or less "trying" to lose weight for 10 years. But I basically was just not eating ice cream and seeing what would happen. Or switching to light cheese whiz, what's that going to do. Well it didn't do anything. So this is my first attempt at a REAL weight loss plan and measuring and everything. So the fact that this actually works is really exciting.
Last night I did super good. Supper was tomato soup and 1 hot dog. I made 2 but was full after 1 so that's all I had. And hotdogs are one of those things that I'll always eat 2 or 3 because you can eat them so fast you don't realize what you're doing, plus they have ketchup. yum. Then cleaned up the whole kitchen which was getting out of hand. burned a cd for the weekend. Went for a run. Well I did some serious intervals. If anybody is like me and follows my links from the fitcast to Alwyn Cosgrove to where ever they lead, somewhere in all of that I learned that HIIT is the way to go. And you can work out for a shorter amount of time, but your intervals have to be SUPER extreme. So since I was short on time I did that. Sprinting all out (well not quite) for the chorus and then really really slow jog for the recovery verses. I guess one thing somebody said was that people weren't slowing down enough for recovery, you're supposed to get your heart rate back down. So I did that. And I hated it, and it was awesome. Pushing myself so hard and running fast felt GOOD! but I did feel like puking at one point. Note to self: wait at least 2 hours after eating to do HIIT. Then I got home and did my Oxygen mag weight circuit. YAY! If anyone's interested this is it:
shoulder raises (sideways to a T shape) - 12 x 10lb
bent over rows - 12 x 10 lb
deadlifts - 12 x 10 lb
knee to elbow crunches - hold 1 10lb weight by head - 12
chest flys - 12 x 10 (or 15) lb
lunges (alternating legs) - 12 each leg x 10 lb
calf raises - 12 x 10lb
repeat 3 times
It's pretty good. gets your heart pumping too. esp lunges. ouchy!
Oh and I hope it's obvious that I mean 10 lb weight in each hand for all of the exercises, except crunches.
UPDATE: since I've got my new weights I've changed from 10 lb to 15 lb for each exercise except shoulder raises
I don't really want to do any work today. only half a day! so how about everybody posts comments and links to their blogs (which they've updated recently) so I can just read the morning away? Sound good?

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Another brick wall

Well no not brick, probably cardboard. Another cardboard wall. Last night I was planning on doing my cardio, going for a jog, and doing a new video I got. However, our car was in the shop so hubby had to pick me up and I couldn't go home until he did (we live outside of town so he had to come in to get me) and he was meeting friends for supper at a bar. Ok, I did great (I usually do in this sort of circumstance) had a cobb salad and diet coke. Good. But after that he wanted to go look at a truck he wants to get and then we finally drove back home. So it was already 9:45 when we got home and I go to bed at 10:00. so no time for exercise. I guess I could have gotten up early today and worked out, but I already was getting up early since I had to drop hubby off at work before I could go to work with our now 1 car. So I felt that was just too much. Now tonight I am DEFINATELY WORKING OUT!!! If I yell it it will come true. But I've also got to pack and get ready for the weekend. So busy me! I'm taking half day tomorrow cause I have to get my hair cut and we've gotta leave by 4. Does this emotional rollercoster happen to anyone else: you are so excited to get your hair cut but then as it gets close you worry because you don't have a plan for what you want it to look like but then they wash your hair and you remember how much you like this. But then they put that cape tight around your neck so it's completely unflattering and you can't see anything but your double chins and fat neck and your hair is slicked back so it looks like junk. So you feel sad cause even if this is the best hair cut in the world you'll look ugly. Then they start cutting and you make uncomfortable small talk, but you can see that they know what they're doing and hair grows out after all. Then you think, yeah this is ok, but I wish they'd *insert hair technique here*. and then they turn you away for a minute from the mirror and turn you back and wham! you're gorgeous! but since you didn't get to see exactly what they did, you'll never be able to do it at home. But now you're on top of the world! You look awesome! there's a spring in your step as you get out of the chair, just gushing to the hairdresser, and in that state of euphoria, you pay for the cut walk out of the salon and down the street. It's only at the end of the day you look at that receipt and realize that feeling cost you sooo much money. Or is that just me? ;) Actually I love getting my hair cut, but I do go through all of that! Pretty excited about it, because I've got a grad to go to tomorrow night, so I'll still have my pretty hairdresser hair! Yay!
A small possible victory this week though - informal weigh in - back to 150.6. And I comfort myserf knowing that I've got some weird female thing going on that might be retaining a big of water on me. Sometimes you can drop pounds when you're doing everything bad! Weird! Not that that's a get out of jail free card!
A nice hard workout tonight and I think I'm going to be pleased with how I look this weekend. It's always the big events that are milestones you know? And where am I goign to be on this scale? Short sleeves - yes, tank tops - yes, dresses - yes, shorts - no, bikini - not yet! You know how you can hate everything you try on? Well at least it shouldn't be like that! yay mini-victories!
For some reason I feel like I can't just sign off of here yet. Like I need to say something else. No idea what though! So I might be back...

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Well as I'm a newbie to this (when does that excuse run out?) I will chalk this up to learning experience. I went out for lunch today to a function (Engineers Without Boarders, good cause) that I forgot I had. Anyway, was planning on eating a broccoli salad. Oh well this is a good cause and I had said I'd go last week so I'm sure there will be healthy options and I can control myself. Well don't you know yourself Randi? It was at a Greek restaurant and I ordered something that I couldn't remember what it was but knew it was good. Spanakopita (sp?). Maybe you already know, but it's spinach filled pastry. deep fried or something because man were they greasy. And greek salad and fries. It was a semi reasonable sized plate as it was only lunch, but it had no meat on the whole thing! So much for high protein! (I found it easier to think of it that way rather than low carb) Eating out for supper tonight too, definitely a salad with chicken. Hopefully it will be just like I switched my lunch and dinner (and dinner was sorta bad.)
Also, didn't get any cardio stuff in last night. I had a little medical conundrum. (ready for too much information?) I've been on the pill for 5 years now. It's been really good no problems, until now. I went to the potty and got up and had to make sure I hadn't been shot. I was bleeding like crazy! Not due for my period for another 2 weeks. Plus I'd had a lot of fibre that morning so I was really gassy and my tummy was all rumbly which I then decided was cramps and bad things. and because I was sort of worried and didn't feel good I thought I should take it easy. Well then I looked it up online and I guess a lot people do spot on the pill and talked myself out of it and did a really big weight training thing. But now I'm worried about it again. This has happened once before about 4 months ago and I didn't do anything about it and everything was fine. But it just seems funny that something like this would just start out of the blue. So now I'm more worried about it. But I think I'll just write it down so I can tell my doctor at my next regular appointment in a few months. That is unless something else goes weird. If this has happened to anybody else please let me know what's up.
Sorry to gross anybody out but hey - you don't know me in real life! I don't have to be embarrassed and if you don't want to read it you don't have to! But if you do want to read my blog (and I know somebody is!) gimme a comment and a link to your blog. I love reading them (both comments and blogs) and I try and comment on my fav blogs when thoughts enter my head!

this guy's a genius

More good stuff from Alwyn Cosgrove's site.
"A 1998 study that showed that the addition of 45 minutes of hard aerobic training, 5 times a week for twelve weeks - had no effect on fat loss

A study from 1994 showed an interval training method that actually reduced body fat (skinfold measurements) nine times more than traditional cardio training -- despite taking less time, and actually burning less calories per session

Another study (1999) showed that the addition of a specific resistance training program increased fat loss by 35% over diet plus aerobic training.

That same study also showed that 3 aerobic sessions of up to 50 mins, for 12 weeks (36 sessions) only increased fat loss by one pound over dieting alone"

So the answer is: weight training not aerobics will melt fat. Work smarter not harder.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Man I am finding some good stuff at Alwyn Cosgrove's! I hope everybody who reads this blog also finds there way to Alwyn's and reads some of his stuff. From what I gather - he is the SH*T in weight loss and personal training. His wife's page is pretty cool too (she's the girl with the abs and arms from the earlier post).
Anyway this new entry was about goal setting and so on. But it had one additional thing I'd never heard before: know the price. Yes you know the reward, but what's it going to cost you. People don't plan for that and they get scared off when they come across something and quit. So figure out the price before hand and decide if you're willing to pay it. Read the article it's much better than I am. You can think of it as bartering, "I'll give up chips and candy if you'll give me a 6-pack. No you'll only give me a smaller dress size? Well what if I give up cookies and sleeping in? Deal!"
If anybody else knows of this guy or knows of any other great experts to listen to let me know! Also, if you're new to him and read some of his stuff, let me know what you think!
I love being skinny more than I love cookies!

inspired after reading Alwyn Cosgrove's old blogs.

Dear Randi

I found this great post on Jenn's blog and thought I could probably be a lot better at giving advice if I did it in the third person!

Dear Randi,
I think it's really great that you're finally getting serious about losing weight and getting in shape. Just think of all the times where you were getting dressed for some event or even just school and nothing fit and nothing looked nice and how upset you'd get. Now that doesn't need to happen any more! And won't it be nice going shopping and being able to buy a pair of pants that don't make your thighs look huge or a shirt that's too tight around the bust? Not to mention being able to go swimming with your niece and nephew and not staying under the water up to your neck the whole time. Maybe your little sister-in-law will even be jealous of you now instead of the other way around!

Yeah there are great benefits but it won't be easy. You know that, you're already doing the easy stuff. (oh gee - don't eat at McDonald's, really) It's going to take running, even when it's raining. You are going to have to get out of bed even if you'd rather sleep. You'll sleep when you're skinny! If your shoes are your excuse, go buy some shoes, just do it (nice pun). It's an investment, not a waste of money. You're going to have to spend some money. Buy those heavier weights so you can really start lifting. Buy that fresh fruit and veggies so you don't eat pudding and granola bars all the time. You might as well get used to spending money now because you'll be buying bigger clothes if you don't (and smaller clothes if you do!).

And you're done eating poorly. No more crackers and chips. You don't miss them that much either. You can either be the one who's running around, visiting people, starting games and laughing instead of the one stuffing her face at the chips at parties. Who would you rather be? Plus you are now down to single serving sizes of everything! Particularly supper foods. Use the small plates, half full of veggies, healthy carbs, lean meat. You know this! Remember that yucky feeling after you eat a plate full of pasta and you just want to throw up so your tummy isn't stretching? Totally preventable and it's not going to happen to you anymore! In fact you might have to deal with being a little hungry now and then. Drink some water, go for a walk. Don't pig out the second your stomach twinges when you know you've got a meal in an hour. You are smarter than your body and it's time you acted like it!

I know you already think about food and exercise half the day. But you do it in a way that's obsessive, no wonder you want to stuff your face when all you think about is food! Let it go, that's your famous advice isn't it? Why are you so tough on other people but soft on yourself? Just let it go, drop it, stop thinking about it. You say that almost every day to other people, well say it to yourself. Just drop it. Drop the thoughts about how you'll never eat a burger again, drop the excuses you're already coming up with about why you can't exercise tonight, drop the carbs, drop the booze, drop the thoughts and just do the actions. Drop the pounds.

You know you want to believe that somebody actually checked you out and wasn't just looking at your rolls. You know you want to go in the hot tub with everybody and not wear the towel until the last second. You know you don't want to be the chubby sister to the beautiful sister. You know you want to gloat over your sister-in-law that you could do it too and you didn't need to spend thousands. You know you don't want to look just like your mom - no offense mommy - and deal with these issues for another 20 years. You know you want to be a success story and give other people advice (that doesn't work if you look like a before!) You know you don't want to have high cholesterol any more, you're only 25, it's not only scary, it's embarrassing! You know you want to deal with this while it's only an appearance thing before it gets to be a health thing. You are the queen of health. How can you not bring this into all aspects of your life?

You know what you want. You know what you need to get it (stop thinking it's going to be as easy as lifting heavier weights, you need to change your eating!). You know you are capable of this, you can deal with difficult. Drop the excuses and do it!

I will always be your biggest critic and your biggest cheering section. If you need help I will help you, but I know what you're capable of and I'll accept nothing less. I will not go easy on you but if you listen to me I will reward you.

With love,

Monday, June 25, 2007


1. Salad or veggies for lunch 3 days.
2. Bike at least once this week. 2 days of running.
3. 3 days of weight training.
4. Enjoy 1 treat at the grad party, 1 treat at the ball tournament. That's all. Hello diet coke...
5. No booze.

This is all going to happen in a short week because Friday afternoon and weekend are ball tournament and grad so it's busy. Basic idea is do well before the weekend and then keep my wits about me on the weekend.
Wish me luck!

Gain - 1.4 lbs!

So I had a gain. I'm not suprised. Last week was just too easy going. Not to mention the weekend was crap. I still found reason to be happy. Remember that measure I took last week or the week before? Well I did an unscheduled, unrecorded measure and my waist was down 1.4 inches. It was first thing in the morning straight out of bed when my posture was perfect and I wasn't letting anything hang out yet. That's why it's going unrecorded. But still something to keep me at it. Also last week I was really suprised by the number on the scale. I'd really love to break the 150s though. It would be just a big mental thing.
Well why was the weekend brutal? because it was so fun probably! Like I said I went for drinks friday which I could have lived without. Live and learn. Then saturday did a great morning interval run and weights in the afternoon. Maybe if I space it out I'll get two afterburn effects (the mind tricks we play...). Did a lot of snacking that night though. Healthy, but a lot. Then sunday I went golfing. Again my game is awesome! but couldn't finish the round because I had a wedding shower to go to. So that was fun and the food was awesome. I tried to eat fruit but there were cookies and pie and cake. And I had to try everything. sheesh. Supper was just soup cause I was stuffed. But then we had friends over for dessert and had a piece of cheese cake and then hubby brought out cheese and meat for nibblies and my will power was down. I'm usually so good at resisting that because they're not my type of snacks. But because I was used to eating all day I continued. Oh well. again. it happens and I've learned something from it and I'm moving on.
Tonight I won't be getting in a workout because I've got girlfriends coming over to scrapbook. That's alright, haven't had a day off in awhile, even yesterday was golfing. And I packed a veggie filled lunch (edamame again, yum) to kick start this week. I'm goign to review my entries for the past week before I decide on my goals this week. See what I can learn.

Friday, June 22, 2007


Well what can I say. I went for those drinks. it was nice sitting in the sun. But I feel like crap now. Not sure if it's because of that or I would have felt like this anyway. It's an off night. I always feel like I'm wasting time when I take a night off. But bodies need days off to recover. I'm doing this workout from Oxygen magazine. Doing semi-heavy weights (I still need to buy some heavier than I've got) and going until my form starts failing. Approximately 12. About 7 exercises and 3 sets. Well it takes so little time and doesn't really hurt while I'm doing it. Like lunges, I feel like I can do those forever because no specific muscle gets tired or sore but I just am unable to push myself back up very well. I've never really felt anything with lunges so I never do them. Well I felt it today a little bit in the hamstrings and butt! That's good! So I need the recovery day today. I could have done cardio but like I said I feel sorta crappy. Well here's the thing. I went to the mall after drinks, trying to buy a dress/outfit for my brother's grad. And I've been feeling good about my body, progress and all so I was excited to try stuff on. Well shopping is still shopping and dressing rooms are still unforgiving. Yeah it's a heck of a lot less sad than last time. But I psyched myself up to see something that's not there yet. I like my general shape better, but just need to deflate the whole thing a few inches. That's ok. I can do it. I was just getting ahead of myself a little bit and got brought back to reality. So that's got me feeling sorta blah. I'll get a good cardio and weight workout in tomorrow and I'll feel better again.
I've got to work on my nutrition. I would much prefer to exercise something off rather than not eat it in the first place, but it doesn't always work that way. Besides, that will give you a maintenance not a loss. I've got to not eat it, AND workout to get rid of what's already there. Booze has always been easy for me to get rid of and I should have done so before today (it's hard to go out for drinks and order a diet coke and have people ask you why...I think people always assume I'm pregnant) So from now on, booze is out. Well now I immediately want to amend that, I've got this ball tournament and a grad this weekend. Well tough. It's still out. It's my goal for this month. And I've really really got to work on portion size. For example, supper tonight was a sub. Not so bad, light mayo and mustard on whole wheat, turkey and veggies. But they had a deal for 3 subs for $15. ok. Lunch for hubby tomorrow and supper and lunch and supper for me. well instead of only eating half my sub I ate approx. 3/4 (so 9 inches) Yeah, good thing to follow that booze down with! I am proud of myself for stopping and not just finishing the rest though. But a sub was already sort of a bad thing to get (I'm trying to up protein and reduce carbs) and then I make it worse by over doing it on portion control. I guess it really wasn't that bad. It's still a healthy option, not a weight gaint sorta food, just not helping with weight loss. And I've been eating really quite well. It's just all these bad things happen on the same day (shopping, drinks, bad eating, day off exercise). Makes me feel like I'm going backwards.
Well here's to a good weekend. I can turn it around. I don't know if I'll be posting a loss on monday but I did do pretty good on my goals for the week. Next week I'll just have to be a little more strict with them I guess. Anways, happy weekend!

no time

Hey so I was going to post about now but the boss is closing shop! YAY! We're going to hit a patio since it's so nice here! Just 1 drink for me since I still have to drive and dont' need the calories. (nor need to be getting drunk with work people!) But I'll post again monday. maybe this weekend. What a nice thing to put me in a great mood for the weekend.

Thursday, June 21, 2007


Did you ever have a fight with your husband while at work? Embarrassing and hard to do. You sort of forget where you are on a cell phone, then when you remember you don't fight as well and let some of your arguments get away.

It's about my little brother's high school grad. It's falling on the same weekend as a ball tournament that my husband always goes to and it really is lots of fun. But priorities right? Family first! No it's not going to be as fun for us but it's not about us. And no my brother wouldn't say anything if hubby wasn't there but I think it would still hurt. Not to mention the rest of my family. Nobody would say anything but still it would be him choosing something fun over my family. "but I'd have to get off work early, and I have to help my dad with fireworks, and we've got all these friends that need entertaining". Well really. He probably would have got off work early anyway and he does it all the time for just random reasons. His dad would just have to do fireworks without him, he's done it before, he already said he could get C to help if he had to. Yeah his dad would prefer if it was hubby but if it can't be it can't be. And all these friends we have to entertain, they've all been there before. They know how to set up a tent and and go to the beer gardens without us. (they always stay at hubby's folk's farm). I even talked to MIL last night about it (she asked, I didn't go crying to her!) and she agrees with me. Family first. It's not about how much fun you're going to have it's about being there for an important day for somebody else. I already feel bad that I forgot about this until recently. Scrambling to find a present and dress and making my brother feel important and that it's not something worthy of forgetting. I mean, when you're in high school nothing's more important than grad! Now hubby seems to be coming around but he's being an a$$ about it. I'm sure he's going to come, grumble the whole time, get out of there as fast as possible and then tell me later, "see I didn't need to be there!" So frustrating! This is how every one of our fights goes. If he ever gives in I end up appologizing and feeling bad about getting my way! Jacka$$!
Sorry about that unrelated to weight loss rant. Had to get it out.
Now back on track: went for a jog last night to watch hubby play ball. then jogged home. So it felt like 2 runs even though total distance was exactly the same as regular one, I always run by the diamonds. Do you think that might be better though? I sure felt more tired than I do after just a regular one. Bought edamame beans at costco too. (like soy beans in pea pods I guess). only 90 calories per dish. I think it will be enough for lunch, with fruit and dessert. Plus super good for you and yummy! Something with ground bison for supper it's been in the fridge a few days, ready to eat. Tonight will be a weights day. Probably elliptical as well if tv's good.
Also, tried some Melaleuca fibre drink. Eww. Now I know why people don't like them. They've got pulp! lots of pulp! I've been spoiled as the first one I tried was the tasteless kind that dissolves completely and you can use in cooking. I've been putting it in crystal lite. But that's a double expense you know? so I tried to cheapen it up with flavoured fibre. but I couldn't drink it so I had to add a crystal light anyway. Now I've got a tub of it and have to find a way that I can handle it! Anybody have suggestions? Recipes using the orange flavoured fibre drink?

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Ok so I guess i'm a newbie at this tracking and measuring and posting and stuff. Well this time it worked out in my favour. I forgot to factor in my TOM when I was measuring last week. Because I did it again last night and I was down INCHES! Well inches when you add up several body parts at least. ;) No but it was awesome! I'd been keeping this journal with only measurments at random periods of time for over a year. And it's been steady. Nearly exactly the same for a year! well this time every single thing changed, except my arms, which is fine, I like them. So I was feeling pretty good about myself so last night I took some "before" pictures - even though they're probably midway - in a BIKINI! If I get gutsy I'll post them in the future. Though taking the pictures was pretty funny. Husband was gone so I had to do it myself, and our screen is broken on the digital camera so it was like taking pictures with a film camera. You can't see what's going to be in it except through that tiny hole and you can't see what it turned out like after you take it! So maybe they won't turn out anyway.

And yesterday I did a great bike ride. Don't know how far but to the nearby town and back! took 1 hour. first half was easy with the wind behind me. The way back I sort of did intervals with the chorus on the tunes and the bike gears and it really wasn't too bad. By the time I got back I was sort of disappointed, it felt like it wasn't that tough of a workout. But it burned calories right? That's the thing with biking, I don't get huffy and puffy like running. and it was so windy I didn't get sweaty either. I'll have to check my heart rate next time. But I'm going to wait a bit before I get on the bike again. MY BUTT IS SO SORE! I guess I need to toughen up down there...

So I'm listening to this podcast called Fitcast you can get it through itunes or It's hardcore. I feel like i'm learning lots but perhaps it's dangerous. I think it's targetted more at personal trainers and people who know their anatomy and weight lifting terms. And I've been hitting up the websites of their guests and so on. One good one so far is I signed up for her newsletter. Anyway, what I've been learning is basically that to lose weight you can just eat fewer calories and you'll lose. Or you can go for a jog every morning for 1/2 hour and you'll lose. You can do both, you'll lose. But you'll be losing muscle and fat and it won't be efficient. Or you can lift weights and eat protein and you might gain weight - but you'll lose fat. you should see this girl's body. wow. Yeah her abs are amazing, but look at her shoulders!
I'm a little fuzzy on the nutrition part. Probably because I don't want to hear it, it sounds like high protein and fat and low carb. I'm addicted to carbs. Every one of my favorite foods is high carbs. Even my favorite fruit is the carbiest one - bananas. well I'm working on upping the protein. And I hear that once you make the transition to low carb, you'll hate it for a few weeks but after that you won't even crave them, your body switches over. I don't know though...I'm working on the weight training first.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Live and learn

Well just went out for lunch with my girlfriend. WHO IS PREGNANT! wow I'm excited for her. First one of my friends to have a baby. She is well aware that she is required to spill EVERYTHING, that nobody else would. Nothing is too private. So it was a nice gossipfest. But the food...I ordered a pad thai salad. First it ended up being a noodle salad. Second it wasn't very good. It basically was linguini with peanuts and a bit of oil. No taste, no veggies. It was bad for me without the good tasting. Boo. At least it helped me stop eating before it was all gone. I guess I learned something. Just because it's a salad doesn't mean it's healthy. And just because something says thai in it doesn't mean it's yummy.
Yesterday made some strawberry rhubarb muffins. Added extra bran and benefibre but left everything else. They're pretty good with giant strawberry pieces in them. Only had 1 this morning and half last night. And the cookies I made for father's day are still sitting on the table. Haven't had one since the weekend. But I haven't worked out either. Tonight it is!
Another thing I learned. Just because it's not on the goals for this week doesn't mean it's ok to do. Last week I had no peaking at the scale as a goal. It's not this week and I had a peak today. back at the 152.something. I got off before it finished. Knew it was a mistake. I just wanted to see that 150.0 again. Thought, it's only been 1 day, couldn't have gained anything. Well maybe that's true. But doesn't mean i'll see the same number. Water, potty, lots of things can change that number. I didn't look last week and was pleasantly suprised. Now it's stressful. I think I should switch to a once every 2 week weigh in also. I don't really think much is going to change every week. I'm lifting weights so it might even go up and I don't want to feel bad about that.
Something more perplexing than anything. I always was an apple shape. Always had a nice butt, muscular legs, bigger arms and belly etc. Well I'm changing it up now. I like my arms and even tummy's getting not bad. But my hips and legs are holding it! I'm feeling pretty good about my clothes looking better and progress etc. But my jeans are all tight on my legs and butt! I think I'm building muscle there faster than i'm losing fat. Or else since I've been running for exercise primarily my body's been storing fat in easily accessible areas. (I read that steady state cardio - read jogs and aerobics - can increase fat storage in hips and thighs as your body adapts to using energy in these areas -
this has also taught me to settle down. It feels like I've been doing this along time because I've been battling the bulge for years. But I've only being doing something seriously about it for 2 weeks. That's nothing. I shouldn't even see results for 2 months! Get realistic Randi!
Ok 2 more things - found out friends signed us up for the MS Bike Tour. A 1 day biking challenge - 50 km or something. So on top of regular exercise stuff i'll be training on the bike. That's sort of exciting for me. A goal, a date, not made by me so tough to flake off. Plus we're going with a bunch of friends and I know I'll treat it like a competition and not want to be the slowest or weakest. Haven't biked in a year since we moved so hopefully this will catch my body by suprise.
And finally, something positive. I bought a bikini yesterday. Just $15 from Walmart. Plain black. well bought a top at least. I have this bikini from there that i bought last year. Bottoms, a wrap, 2 bikini tops and a tankini top. They just came out with the new style bikini top that I like (it's a halter that looks like those old fashioned ones from the 40's where the ties come out of the armpits.) and I sort of like it! Again. I like the top half. Belly button down needs some work. Just plain old inches off. But I'm seeing potential! I guess I could say that is my ultimate goal. look good in a bikini. comfortable enough to wear it in front of people I know. I'll keep you updated!

Monday, June 18, 2007

First loss! 150.0!

So I've had my first planned and measured loss EVER! YAY! I lost 2.4 lbs in 1 week! I'm not completely sure that maybe I wasn't dehydrated or something else that might have been messing it up because I stepped on the scale and it read that. Then I had breakfast (2 toast with pb) and got dressed and it was 2 + lbs higher (which would mean no loss....) but I'm going to take the lowest I got. At least for this first week for a first loss to help motivate me for the future. Shows me that I CAN DO THIS! wow!
Now of course i'm going to analyze. I think what might have helped a lot was actuallly the weekend. Friday night I did exercise at home while my parents were gone still. Walked on their treadmill because I was watching a movie and didn't want to be too loud for my brother. So upped the incline and it was awesome. It was something I never do, so even though it was lower intensity workout than jogging, it was rougher on my body which is a good thing. Then Saturday morning I went golfing with my parents. Walking, swinging, carrying my 30 lb (?) bag for 2.5 hours. My hips and knees really felt odd afterward. It's a bad sign when you're out of shape for walking. 2 days of a walking workout in a row and I was messed up. Hole 9 I had to do some squats and jog in place to loosen up my joints again. weird. Anybody interested in golf - I also corrected a slice that was developing by hole 6 and had a great end of the round (first half sucked). Then sunday came back home and had a fight with my husband (I could write a blog and a half about that!) anyway, to cool down I went for a run in the rain. I tried to do interval training, running really fast on the chorus and slower on the verse. It was great. That's the new plan for this week's exercise. Then did a weight routine after. But all 3 of those workouts this weekend are more than I normally do on a weekend I think. At least they were different things that my body isn't used to so it had to work harder in them than normal. It's scary to plan to do that sort of thing because I get tired enough doing my regular workouts. But yesterday just felt so good. It didn't exactly "hurt", just pulled more out of me than I knew I had. Awesome.
So since it's monday and I succeeded at all my goals (except I didn't eat that rotten salad friday, the effort was there though) and they worked to give me a loss, it's time to set some new weekly goals!
1. 3 days of high intensity interval training (HIIT) - basically different from regular exercise is what I mean
2. Minimum 2 days of heavy weight training. with the weights I currently do, I can do 25+ reps. It should be 12. So up the weight.
3. Something to do with food...Have only 1 "snack" at each lunch. If I'm still hungry I can have something in an hour.
There. I feel good about those. I think I can do them but they aren't just easy. Plus, whether or not they make a dent on the scale, I think I'll feel really good about just accomplishing those things.

How was everyone's weekends? Mine was good. went home to visit my dad (hubby went fishing with his dad) and go golfing. Found out when I got home it was summer event at home (slow pitch, cabaret, general small town excitement). And I felt like a loser because it looked like I came home just for that. I should clarify. I was never picked on or bullied or anything in high school but I was never cool and I didn't really have any good friends. So I never went to the parties cause I didn't want to go by myself. I got along fine with everyone at school though, it was just more like they were people I "worked" with, not my friends. And in a small town with only 20 people in your grade you were limited on who you could be friends with. Anyway, as soon as I went away to university I was in heaven. I remember thinking "You can actually PICK who you want to be friends with and hang out with. You aren't stuck with people because they're the only options." so now I have lots of friends who share interests etc. but I still feel dumb when I go home and see some people from high school. Puts my right back into the not quite cool mode and don't want to go to the party alone. Which of course is exactly what happened. I saw a girl I went to high school with who I hadn't seen in years working at the gas station (and this girl makes me feel bad about myself?) and asked if I wanted to go to the dance saturday with her and I made up some excuse about my brother blah blah. I don't know why exactly except that I was scared of feeling the same way. She was being way nicer to me than she ever was in high school, offered to pick me up. So I wouldn't have minded hanging out with her. But I would have been just hanging off of her all night. Still wouldn't have talked to the other cool people who were her friends and I knew but never hung out with before. I don't know. It's messy. That's why in a couple weeks when it's the neighbouring town's summer event (where my husband is from) I still feel sort of the same way and dont' want to look like I .... I don't know how to finish that sentence... don't want to look like I came home for the "town" party I guess. So we bring all of our city friends and just hang out with them. Make a ball team of people nobody else knows so we look so cool with all our friends we don't need you. Oh my god I am so messed up. I think I was seriously emotionally damaged in high school and my scars are showing now. This was almost 10 years ago! Let it go! I've got confidence now I didn't have in high school, I could go up to the cool kid and have a conversation and I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY THINK. There. I feel a little better. Just grow up a little Randi, sheesh.
Ok so that wasn't about weight loss or anything. But I'm sure part of my problem through high school had to do with feeling fat so you could find a connection if you wanted. And even now I'm picturing myself at my goal weight, looking fabulous and the cool kids would want to come and talk to me. There, now I've turned some childish drama and mental issues into motivation. Of course it was related...
big motivation too - the next summer event with slow pitch and parties (also my little brother's grad) is 2 weekends away! How much can I accomplish by then?

Friday, June 15, 2007


So I thought of a really good example of somebody I really liked when they were chubby and now I don't like when she's skinny - and it's not from a blog! (and I didn't mean to offend anyone before either, I know you're all still nice and the same but I just have to work to remember that). anyway, my example is: Hilary Duff. Wasn't she so cool when she was a little chunkier on that tv show and so nice doing ads for her clothes. Really normal. But now that she's so skinny she seems just like another dumb Hollywood celebrity. Not relatable at all! Anybody else feel this way? have another example?

Crazy weekend hectic

So today I packed a salad for lunch even though my bag of lettuce was starting to go bad and I didn't have any meat to put on it. I'm not sure if I'm going to eat it. The 3 salad thing is pretty tough. by the end of the week I just don't want them any more. I'll have to try a monday, tues, wed next week. But I'm leaving work here at probably noon. I've got to take the car to a shop to get the sunroof measured. (our glass got broken out and we need them to cut a new piece) and I have to buy a father's day present. Plus I've got to be home at about 2:00 as my husband got off work early to go home and go to the lake with his dad and brothers in law. So i'm going home with him to visit my dad and go golfing and hang out for a few days. But nobody's going to be home tonight so I've got plans to exercise on mom's treadmill and weight machines. fun holiday using other people's equiptment. It's hard to buy father's day presents. anybody have any good ideas? I'm trying to find some weird barbeque seasoning thing. I saw in a flyer once, it's like a marinade with a syringe to inject it. I think dad would find that cool. We've already got him a portable air compressor.
Anyway, back on topic. Ate sorta bad last night. tons of carbs. Also made cookies for husband's lake trip and my dad. Saved only 6 of each kind for at home. I can handle that. I only ate 1 cookie last night too. so hopefully can get a workout in tonight and then golfing tomorrow carrying my bag is a bonus one. Try and eat good at home. First real test. I usually don't do too bad cause mom's got lots of free good food (she's got high cholesterol). Then saturday night and sunday will be back here with sister in laws. I usually do pretty good around them. I find when I'm with people I eat better than just by myself. So this might be good. wish me luck!
Have a good weekend everybody!

Thursday, June 14, 2007


So I thought I'd add a picture of me since there was one taken recently that I sort of like. I had just gotten my hair done that day and for the first time in my life realized (with the help of a hairdresser) that I had naturally curly hair! Wow! So this is me at the beginning of June about to go to the bar for a girl's night. The shirts a bit flowy and loose for you to get a real sence of my size and shape but you get the idea. i'm sort of pleased. It's about the standard shape and size. at least it's not bigger like it was last summer. Weight is the same I think but i'm more toned now. Let's see if I can find a before picture....

There. That's me and my skinny little sister. She's always been thin and pretty and popular. Big sisters are not supposed to be jealous of their little sisters. Anyway. You can see the chub in my face in this picture. Granted I'm wearing a bunny hug so again, can't tell the shape or size of me. I'm filling it out more than I'd like to.

There so that was fun. A before and after of 1 year ago. I think i'm going to take a new before picture in my workout clothes. That way you can see my shape better. And then hopefully in a few months I can show you an after picture in a bikini! (there's incentive!)

So yesterday with the new grass I didn't get a chance to go for a run as I wanted to watch the water. So I did a weight routine in the house. I did one on tuesday as well but I just did it from memory and I thought that was sort of sloppy. So I grabbed my fitness magazine and did the bikini workout from there. It was alright. Only 6 exercises and you do each for 1 minute and then do a minute of light cardio in between and you repeat it twice. Seemed sort of easy. Only one minute of squats with jumps, one minute of shoulder presses. That's because the class I was taking was a full song of each movement and that was a ton. So maybe I'll just up my weights and try this for a few weeks. I also was sort of slack on the cardio in between, used it to get a drink, watch the sprinklers, find a stopwatch. So if I'm more disciplined and load up on weight, maybe do one more circuit, it should be good. Those magazines are so ridiculous though. They tell you - bikini body in 8 weeks with this workout! well in small print they talk about on the days you don't do this one you should do 45 - 60 minutes of cardio intervals. Well really! Do you think 3 days of 60 minute cardio intervals might be what's getting you the bikini body? That's something I'm going to incorporate for goals next week I think. Cardio intervals as opposed to steady state. Hopefully I remember.
I've been eating well the past few days. Hubby hasn't been home for supper so I could cook whatever weird healthy food I wanted. Made wild rice (1/2 wild 1/2 minute), green beans, and canned beans or leftover salmon for supper the last 2 days. Yum. Didn't have my cookie last night, had the yogurt and strawberries, even though, probably wasn't hungry enough for all that. Should have just had a couple strawberries dipped in yogurt. satisfy the sweet craving and give an "end" to my meal.
I did measurements last night to keep away the weighing temptation. Well I shouldn't have. I've got them written in a book from a year ago, and a month ago and a few times in between. Well they haven't really changed ever. At least not smaller. It's very frustrating. I know my belly is better than it was, but I guess the size hasn't changed, just the shape. My belly button now is straight, not down, know what I mean? A few less rolls than there used to be. But no measureable change. ptewee. I think I'm going to have to make some goals about non physical things: lift a certain weight, do some kind of cardio program. then I can see how far I've come on somethign that's bound to change. Any ideas?
Well I haven't really done a thing at work yet and it's already 10:30 (sweet - easy day). dont' want to get fired now that i'm finally full time!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Almost forgot today!

So I've got 2 days of salad lunches down. Only 1 more and I met my goal. I also worked out last night so that's 1 down, 2 to go.
On another topic, I've finally started full time at work. Signed the contract and got a mini raise! Yay! not quite done the thesis but I'm getting as much done at work as I was at home. I did have a lot of trouble with temptation when I was at home. Just needed a break so I'd go to the kitchen. Now at work I don't have that option. I should mention also that there's not really any convenience stores or restaurants near by to cheat at. So this should help.
Tonight i'm going to try and plant grass in the backyard. Then maybe go for a run. I wanted to run last night but it was way too windy so I exercised inside. We'll see tonight.
Speaking of working out. I've been reading these blogs etc about fitness. And they're talking about bulking up and taking protein shakes and lifting weights to lose weight and how you don't need to do long steady cardio. Well I like it. I've always been strong, mesomorph type. well if I can make it work for me then I'll do it. THe theory is you burn lots of calories while doing strength training, plus the afterburn lasts way longer and the increased muscle increases metabolism. But they always say girls won't bulk up but I think I might. I don't mind it so much in arms and shoulders etc, but just from a once a week class I've been doing for 6 months and the squats we were doing, I'm getting bigger quads. I hope that this might look normal and lean again if I lose fat off them. Frankly I dont' care that much. If I look bulky muscley but have less fat I think that will look good. Like an exercise teacher or something. i'd love it. Makes me want to hire a trainer. This podcast I'm listening to is talking about flexibility and mobility of your hips affecting all this stuff (ie golf swings, back pain) so it's making me want to get checked out.
On the food scale, eating watermelon has been my saviour. makes me so full. Then I can spread the rest of my lunch out for the rest of the afternoon so I'm not starving at the end of the day. And it's been watermelon and cherries mostly. yay. need to buy some fat free pudding cause I've been eating the full fat stuff and doubling those calories unnecessarily. Also ate all the fruit today so I'm goign to stop on the way home and grab some more. Melons, baby carrots etc.
So I've been eating pretty good and working out pretty good, but it doesn't feel like only wednesday, I want a weigh in! I don't think i lost but I just can't help peeking. I wont' though. I want to get in the habit of once a week, .5 to 1 lb a week. Mini goal for the day also- no cookies. I'm goign to want them for dessert today but I'm not going to have them. Yogurt instead. There it's planned. wish me luck.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

catty thoughts

So yesterday I did not do any exercising. Ok I guess. I was going to, especially since mondays used to be my class. but it's over for the summer now. So I was planning on keeping it up but my friend called and said she was going to watch her husband play ball and did I want to come watch my husband. ok sure. We had said that now that the class was over maybe we'd still do something like go for a walk to do a video. well I guess not. She's struggling with her weight too, and I can completely see why. She has some nasty habits. I always read magazines or whatever and see they say if you switch from full fat to diet salad dressings you save X calories or if you cut out the weekly trip to McD's you can lose 10 pounds. well duh I say. I already did all that stuff, the stuff I consider the easy stuff. and now I'm working on eating smaller servings and reducing the carbs and the other hard stuff. well we went out to the bar after ball and I had a diet coke, ate some pretzels (was beating myself up about that too). But she had an order of dry ribs! 10:30 at night eating a second supper. It wasn't just her or anything, the guys did too, but come on. You think bar food is helping your struggle? ok I guess we have our own struggles but I had little problem turning down deep fried ribs smothered in sauce. Plus, if it was up to me we would have gone for a walk, not watched ball (she also ate Spitz the whole time...). She's the type for extremes and quick fixes I think. She eats salad with no salad dressing for lunch, just lettuce. well yeah you're going to be hungry and not want to eat what you've got and then blow it all at night at the bar. duh. again. Hate to say it because she's my friend but it's nice when you're doing better than somebody else hey? Like she weighs a lot more than me but it's nice and proportional, and she's taller. So she still looks like Barbie shaped, just inflated a bit too big. Where as I have a nice butt, bad legs, nice shoulders and chest bad tummy so shorts look bad and tight shirts look bad but she can wear both and look good. So that had me down a bit, but then I thought about her problems and that I do have a nice butt and wear a smaller size and she keeps crashing on her diet and I felt better about myself. I know it's bad!
My sister in law is losing 30 lbs (20 so far) on LA weight loss. and it makes me unhappy! I'm a horrible person I know, but I make myself feel better by thinking about how she'll always have a fat a** genetically and how she blew like $1000 on these protein bars and how she'll probably gain it all back just like she did after she lost a ton of weight on WW. Even some of the blogs I've read. I see the before or during pictures of these girls and sympathize and think they look nice and can relate to their writing. But when I see the after and they're skinny and pretty, even though it's the same girl writing, I instantly feel like they're somebody I dont' like. Like a skinny person doesn't understand me and i root against them. I hate that about myself! I'm a nice person and I always stick up for other people and give them the benefit of the doubt so why is this different? I guess in a weird way I can find motivation there. I think if I reached my goal then I wouldn't be made at others for reaching theirs. I might even want to help them and encourage them. my SIL especially right now. It feels like she's "winning". that's wrong.
ok, enough exposing my faults and messed up mind. Let's talk about what's good. Lunch today, not great, not terrible. 1 piece left over pizza. last night supper was 2 pieces. also water melon, nectarine, pudding. last night I ate cookies. I've been craving them like crazy and almost made a whole batch until I found 2 boxes. well the girl guide cookies aren't my favorite at all. and if it wasn't a forbidden food I probably wouldn't eat them. but I said, ok, you can have 1 serving of cookies for dessert (2 cookies) and that's all. well fine, but that made me want more! so I had that serving and a serving of the oatmeal kind (4!) and still wanted more. so now I know I can't have cookies in the house. period. I think I'm better off buying one cookie from tim horton's or something. Even though it's expensive and extra super bad for you - I don't keep eating them. only one.
so tonight is planting grass and maybe shopping with my husband. we'll probably eat out then. fast food ish. I think I can have a salad anywhere or maybe a sub. That'll be the plan. i'm so scared i'm going to gain back those pounds this week, that it won't be a real loss. I've never set out to lose weight and then done so. I'm not really doing anything different this week than I have before. except my goals. didn't peek today. Ate a salad yesterday. still need 2 salads and 3 workouts. Easy.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Happy Monday

Hello and happy monday!
I had a pretty good weekend. Steak night went well. I didn't load up my plate like usual and I didn't even finish what I had on there. Drank a million diet cokes and 1 rum and diet.
Saturday curbed all cravings with watermelon. Sure hope there isn't some reason watermelon is bad because I love it. Fills you up and is mostly water. Went out for supper with my family and we had chinese. Not the best but it was individual plates and not buffet or anything. again didn't finish my plate. Had people over for a party that night and I ate some chips and dip (fat free). But again didn't drink anything but diet coke. Not sure if that's why but I didn't have a ton of fun on either friday or saturday. might be PMS as well. Then Sunday had eggs and toast for breakfast. grilled cheese for lunch. pizza for supper. ok so that doesn't sound that great. but it was just egg whites, and homemade pizza light on the meat and cheese. and then a yogurt and strawberry dessert. but here's why I'm ok with this all. Saturday morning went for a nice long run and then came home and did a full body weight training. Sunday afternoon all we did was rake and hoe and dig the backyard. I was so sore last night and tired. today my hands are getting tired from just typing (i need to work on my forearm strength). I've got blisters on my hands and my back and shoulders are killing me today so it was a nice strong fat burning day.
The other good news, except in a weird way, is my clothes are looser! I just bought a skirt made of jogging pant material and a large sized golf shirt last week, then wore them this weekend. They were loose! the shirt looked too big (looked comfy and not terrible but not really a nice dressy/sexy look anymore) and I had to use the drawstrings on the skirt! Yay! Except that means I just wasted money on clothes that dont' fit. But the good news is I can fit into the clothes I used to wear better. I'm wearing a fitted tshirt that used to show side rolls a little too well but looks good now! yay!
I checked the scale this morning, decided monday mornings is weigh in. Good way to stay accountable on the weekend. anyways, the number is 142.2. It's hard to say just how many pounds lost that is and since when. So we'll just call that the new starting number for everything. I weigh myself several times a day sometimes. I know I shouldnt' but the scale is right there in the bathroom every time I go! Your weight fluctuates a great deal every day and it can be good and bad. So now I'm just going to try and do it only first thing monday mornings. That way it will at least be consistant and hopefully the lowest of the day.
That brings me to goals. I'm going to do weekly goals and limit them to 3, so here they are this week:
1. no peeking at the scale!
2. eat salad for lunch 3 days
3. exercise 4 days (I was going to say 3 but this is something to push for right?)

so wish me luck!

Friday, June 8, 2007

careful for tonight

So I had a great day so far.
Debating myself about this evening. If I go straight home from work I can get a workout in and still dress up and look nice (wanna try curling my hair). But I sort of want to go shopping (just to superstore) cause I got an email showing some really cute clothes for dirt cheap. Dirt. Frankly I could do either of them tomorrow instead. Well not my hair. But it's Saturday with little to no plans...we'll see how I fell when I'm leaving.
Perhaps I should tell where I'm going and why it's a great day so far. Great day - pb toast, watermelon, awesome pita (chicken, veggies, fat free miracle whip), more watermelon. wasn't really hungry for the rest so saved it for a few hours but then it was just sitting there so I ate it. Who knows it might keep me full a little while longer. Oh, it was a yogurt and strawberries and flax seed. yum.
But I had to eat healthy because I'm going to a steak night tonight. Fundraiser for cousin-in-law. Horrible story. Quick recap: she had a baby but it was an emergency so they had to do it in an unsterile environment. She got a horrible infection, they had to basically remove all her parts...and then just kept cutting to get rid of everything that was infected. She had a huge hole in her middle. She was unconscious for weeks, waking up and not knowing what's going on, the last thing she remembers was being pregnant. The one time she was coughing and had a tube in so the nurses had to help her and stuff and tears were just streaming out of her eyes and she looked over to her sister who was sitting there and just mouthed "what the f**k!?" Anyways, she couldn't work (hairdresser out of her house so no maternity) her husband was taking off all sorts of time but they didnt' have a clear personal leave paid. So anyway somebody (friends family..) decided to have a steak night fundraiser for them to help them out. Oh yeah, not to mention they've got 2 other kids, and dad has to go to work (she was a stay at home mom). Well whatever. That's where I'm going. So to eat steak and potatoes and cesaer salad. and have drinks. I'll just have to watch my portions. Wish me luck.
Anyhow. That's all I've got on this weekend so should have lots of time for exercise and gardening. And lots of time to eat...but I'll be strong.
Have a good weekend!

update from last night

Well I did as I was supposed to, only ate the granola bar not the yogurt, it smelled funny when I opened it. Good supper of salmon and sweet potato fries (ok they had a lot of salt and had a sprinkle of oil but they were sweet potatoes!). Then I raked the yard for an hour. But then I wanted salsa (stupid fitness magazine was talking about healthy choices and made me want to eat, a fitness magazine!) so I had a small bowl of chips and salsa. Really not a lot, tried to load each chip with salsa cause I usually eat until that's gone so I limited chips. Then I felt guilty that I wasn't working out after eating that so I did 1/2 hour on the elliptical. Yay me!

Thursday, June 7, 2007

good day

So I feel like I'm having a good day. Hard to say as it's only noon. But I exercised last night. Ate a sort of good for me supper and limited myself to 1 treat. This morning I ate watermelon and Raisin Bran for breakfast. Healthy I think. Cristal light with benefibre on the way to work. No morning snack. Now I'm eating another dish of left over hamburger helper. I feel good about that because what used to be just one lunch I've turned into 2. more watermelon and cherries. Then i'm going to stop. I've got a yogurt for this afternoon and my emergency apple and granola bar. I might dip into the granola bar late this afternoon. we'll see how I go. If it stops me from snacking while I make supper then it's worth it. I haven't planned supper yet but I'm thinking salmon and potatoes.
Oh forgot to mention. Husband called me from Tim Horton's and asked if I wanted a donut. turned him down. He never does that either. Like I finally decide to get serious and my first test is an hour after. I love donuts and never eat them so any other time I would have said oh yeah. I'll admit that I had 1 timbit this morning. Hopefully that's all I needed to satisfy a craving and I'll be good. Nice way to think about it I think.
I bought a new fitness magazine and I'm planning on reading that tonight, hard to snack while reading about exercise. Plus I've got to rake up the weeds in the lawn so we can plant some grass this weekend. that will count as my exercise tonight I think. If there's good tv I'll elliptical as well. I ran last night and want to give my feet a break. (i need new shoes!)
ok, if anybody stumbles across this let me know!

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Today I packed my lunch for work and tried to limit myself, but I'm so scared of being hungry. Which is weird. I'm rarely physically hungry. And frankly it would probably do me some good once in awhile! So I packed a small container of left over hamberger helper (probably 1 cup, instead of taking all the leftovers and just eating until I felt like it was a serving). But then I added a yogurt, we were out of the fat free ones. Then some watermelon. Ok so far. And then some cherries. well they're healthy, alright. Then some homemade granola bars. For snack you know in the afternoon. Well sure. Well I ate it all before 12:30. And honestly if I thought I'd be hungry I could eat the apple that's been here for a week now that I think might be the kind I don't like so would sooner eat something else. Yeah.
Today wasn't bad either. Yesterday was a salad, lettuce, tomato, little bit of shredded ham, little bit of dressing. And a yogurt, and pudding, and 2 granola bars and honeydew. and some almonds. and crackers when I got home and was waiting for my husband to come home for supper. Yes a salad is healthy. Yes all the food I ate was very healthy food (except for crackers I guess). but why did I eat all of it? I drink a ton of water trying to trick myself into being full. but to be fair I drink most of it before I eat. I should eat my salad or sandwich or whatever and a fruit and then chug water. wait an hour before the other snacks. That's the new goal. I think I'll also try brushing my teeth in between there. Whatever helps. Anybody out there have any other ideas?

Let's try this shall we

I've always considered myself chunky. And always, I look at pictures of myself a few years ago and ask what was I thinking. Since I was probably 8 or something. It started as I matured faster than other girls my age. I was always taller (not any more) and therefore bigger than other kids. Hit puberty first. All that. Now I guess the excuse is that since I always saw myself as such, I let it become so. Maybe that's getting to pyschoanalysisy on it. Whatever.
I know that I wasn't overweight in high school. I looked good. I played volleyball competetively and was in rock solid shape. But I was very muscular. I was not the tall lanky girl you picture with volleyball. Picture a swimmer, that's me.
Of course univeristy came and so did a few pounds. I come home for my sister's grad after first year and those are my least favorite pictures of myself to date. But I was completely inactive. So I started biking and going to the gym once in awhile. Got to be a pretty steady 140 lbs. Of course that was aweful at the time but really fine.
Then I got married. Some how, before the wedding, without doing anything specific except thinking I wanted to look good, I lost about 10 lbs. I exercised a few more times a week, I'd always eaten healthy but just made more of a conscious effort to cut out snacks etc. The back of lace up dress was almost touching. I was the smallest I'd ever been at about 130lbs.
But after that of course I was/am married. And with that comes a husband who doesn't want to eat healthy and who I'd sooner spend time with than the gym. So that made my weight bump up. I was still going to the gym a fair amount as I was a grad student and my time was my own, so I got a new comfortable, 145 lbs. Last year we bought our first house in a bedroom community. Now I was driving to school instead of biking, or just staying at home period to save gas. Well the last one happened really gradually and I couldn't believe it when we bought a new scale and the number was a brand new one. 155 lbs. I know it's still not terrible, health wise and so on. But it puts me into an overweight BMI. I got diagnosed with high cholesterol as well which was a real wake up call. Sure I didn't look good in a bathing suit, deal with it. But now my health was paying? My husband hardly believes it. I'm constantly buying fat free this and light that and eating salads and veggies, how could that be me? Well I know how, because I ate a lot of healthy foods. Lots.
I read fitness magazines and online sites that tell you easy ways to cut 100 calories a day by switching to whole grain foods and light yogurt. And how you can increase your metabolism by weight training. Check, check and check. I already do these things. Always have. (my mom is a perpetual dieter so that's how I grew up). I need to only eat one serving of yogurt. And not follow it with fat free pudding and an apple and high fibre granola bars. So I'm going to try and be accountable. Write the numbers down. Put a goal on (cyber) paper. I have to try something and this seems like the next thing...