catty thoughts

So yesterday I did not do any exercising. Ok I guess. I was going to, especially since mondays used to be my class. but it's over for the summer now. So I was planning on keeping it up but my friend called and said she was going to watch her husband play ball and did I want to come watch my husband. ok sure. We had said that now that the class was over maybe we'd still do something like go for a walk to do a video. well I guess not. She's struggling with her weight too, and I can completely see why. She has some nasty habits. I always read magazines or whatever and see they say if you switch from full fat to diet salad dressings you save X calories or if you cut out the weekly trip to McD's you can lose 10 pounds. well duh I say. I already did all that stuff, the stuff I consider the easy stuff. and now I'm working on eating smaller servings and reducing the carbs and the other hard stuff. well we went out to the bar after ball and I had a diet coke, ate some pretzels (was beating myself up about that too). But she had an order of dry ribs! 10:30 at night eating a second supper. It wasn't just her or anything, the guys did too, but come on. You think bar food is helping your struggle? ok I guess we have our own struggles but I had little problem turning down deep fried ribs smothered in sauce. Plus, if it was up to me we would have gone for a walk, not watched ball (she also ate Spitz the whole time...). She's the type for extremes and quick fixes I think. She eats salad with no salad dressing for lunch, just lettuce. well yeah you're going to be hungry and not want to eat what you've got and then blow it all at night at the bar. duh. again. Hate to say it because she's my friend but it's nice when you're doing better than somebody else hey? Like she weighs a lot more than me but it's nice and proportional, and she's taller. So she still looks like Barbie shaped, just inflated a bit too big. Where as I have a nice butt, bad legs, nice shoulders and chest bad tummy so shorts look bad and tight shirts look bad but she can wear both and look good. So that had me down a bit, but then I thought about her problems and that I do have a nice butt and wear a smaller size and she keeps crashing on her diet and I felt better about myself. I know it's bad!
My sister in law is losing 30 lbs (20 so far) on LA weight loss. and it makes me unhappy! I'm a horrible person I know, but I make myself feel better by thinking about how she'll always have a fat a** genetically and how she blew like $1000 on these protein bars and how she'll probably gain it all back just like she did after she lost a ton of weight on WW. Even some of the blogs I've read. I see the before or during pictures of these girls and sympathize and think they look nice and can relate to their writing. But when I see the after and they're skinny and pretty, even though it's the same girl writing, I instantly feel like they're somebody I dont' like. Like a skinny person doesn't understand me and i root against them. I hate that about myself! I'm a nice person and I always stick up for other people and give them the benefit of the doubt so why is this different? I guess in a weird way I can find motivation there. I think if I reached my goal then I wouldn't be made at others for reaching theirs. I might even want to help them and encourage them. my SIL especially right now. It feels like she's "winning". that's wrong.
ok, enough exposing my faults and messed up mind. Let's talk about what's good. Lunch today, not great, not terrible. 1 piece left over pizza. last night supper was 2 pieces. also water melon, nectarine, pudding. last night I ate cookies. I've been craving them like crazy and almost made a whole batch until I found 2 boxes. well the girl guide cookies aren't my favorite at all. and if it wasn't a forbidden food I probably wouldn't eat them. but I said, ok, you can have 1 serving of cookies for dessert (2 cookies) and that's all. well fine, but that made me want more! so I had that serving and a serving of the oatmeal kind (4!) and still wanted more. so now I know I can't have cookies in the house. period. I think I'm better off buying one cookie from tim horton's or something. Even though it's expensive and extra super bad for you - I don't keep eating them. only one.
so tonight is planting grass and maybe shopping with my husband. we'll probably eat out then. fast food ish. I think I can have a salad anywhere or maybe a sub. That'll be the plan. i'm so scared i'm going to gain back those pounds this week, that it won't be a real loss. I've never set out to lose weight and then done so. I'm not really doing anything different this week than I have before. except my goals. didn't peek today. Ate a salad yesterday. still need 2 salads and 3 workouts. Easy.