Monday, June 30, 2008
Plus I don't really like the folks we were hanging out with. The guys are all fairly cool, but they're also really really different from me in some aspects so it's hard to completely get along (priorities are sooo different, these are drinking and driving men and think I'm crazy, boo). The girls just were really annoying. I think I don't like elementary school teachers. That's all they talk about. And it's soooo lame. About how everyone thinks it's so great to have the summer off, but they don't realize that they still have to work and organize for the next year and blah blah blah so it's really actually hard work. Mm-hmm. And I have to work every single day the same as when it's winter. And I don't get to leave at 3:30. Don't tell me it's so tough because you have to do marking and stuff still, because you're marking 30 spelling tests, it's a piece of cake. If you just worked until 5:30 every day (aka normal working hours) then you'd be home free. Plus then they just talk about little kid things and how their students were so cute and UGH! go away!
Anyway I was the driver as I'm the non-drinker. Pretty sure everyone thinks I'm pregnant. But it's so backwards, people ask if I'm drinking and I say no, then they ask why not. Like drinking is the default and you have to have a reason to opt out, instead of the other way around. whatever. If I can keep getting skinnier instead of fatter, they'll figure out I'm not preggers.
I am glad the weekend is over. I ate too much salt, drank too little water and now my rings don't fit. I'm at work, but I spent the morning at the mall (I had to pick up my race package for tomorrow!) I can definately tell I need a good detox based on trying on clothes. I did buy a dress for the couple weddings I've got this summer. It's alright. Looks good on, but I'm not that huge of a fan of the actual dress. I did try on dresses in le chateau and fell in love with this clearance satin strapless dress in teal. SO pretty. Still $50. But I loved it in medium on me, but it was sort of too big. The small fit great, but it looked like it needed some kind of altering (no idea what though) because there were wrinkles in certain areas. It was also a little bit too fancy. I saw a girl wear a dress like that at her university grad.
Oh, I also bought a sports bra that was on clearance at the Bay. still $35, but they were featuring it next to the race registration so I was suckered in. I probably don't really need a new sports bra right now but oh well. it's a pretty teal color. Maybe it will be the bra I can finally run in shirtless as this is supposed to be that summer!
To that end I had a 6" turkey breast sub with honey mustard, no cheese and all the veggies with a bunch of cherries for dessert. It's way way too hot for a run tonight I think. Plus the race in the morning so I don't want to do weights. Sort of sucks. Maybe I'll do a walk at least with the dog. Poor dog is probably baking right now. I filled up her kiddie pool but she doesn't like getting wet so she might not go in it. it's 34 degrees today. HOT!
Anyway, I need to finally get down to work. Luckily things are slow here so I'm doing thesis edits on the company dime. Sweet!
Friday, June 27, 2008
So I had a great night last night. Home, supper, exercising. I did eat too much supper but realized it and cut it off as quick as I could. Then I was hanging with hubby watching some flight of the conchords. Before the night disappeared altogether, I changed and got my workout on. I did a quick set of TT, squats and lunges mostly. Then went out for a 17 minute HIIT workout. I did the kind I prefer, with the jogging in between. It was BIZarre though, during my fast parts, even the very first ones, I was pooped! My pace was the same as what I ran continuously the day before. Only I was sprinting! But I was very tired from the strength stuff before. Plus it might play with my mind a lot doing HIIT. Anyway, it was only 17 minutes, 2 and 1's. Good workout. Then it was getting stormy outside so I cleaned the house a bit (I hate when I come home from a busy weekend to a messy house.) So I vaccuumed and swept and stuff. Then I put laundry away for like an hour. I definately have too much clothes. But it's so much fun to buy when you look half way good in stuff! Then after that I started to pack for my ridiculously good looking weekend. So I tried some stuff on deciding what to wear. I'm going to try and shrink some of my clothes when I get home tonight in the drier. In any case it should get rid of some wrinkles. (just a couple pair of pants and an awesome shirt that I should have gotten a medium but bought a large instead, only one they had! But now I look and it might be a dress. Either way I'll probably wear it over pants. If it was something fancier I'd consider wearing it as a dress, but it would be horrible for somebody to point out that it's actually a shirt.
Anyway, I discovered that I kinda like my legs enough that I can wear shorts! not knee length shorts (which I was SOOO happy when they became stylish the summer when I was bigger). But I only have 1 pair of shorts that I remotely like. So today I'm gonna try and ditch work early and go short shopping. Just some jean shorts maybe. I found about 13 different outfits I want to wear, but I really only need, hmm, 3? I just have a lot of nice summer shirts that aren't really work wear so I never get to wear them! I had to remind myself that there will be more summer weekends. Plus I'm not allowed to buy any more tube tops or halters or anything!
Anyway, I did a WI today. 137.8. Back to my old stuck mark. So I basically regained my loss that I was starting to get on the train of (bad talking, oops). Well it's better than the big gain that I had seen. PLUS, TOM starts today so there might be an associated loss early next week (I usually get those, cross your fingers!)
Anyway, if I want to get out of work early better get on it. Finally my crazy business is over, just waiting to hear what the boss thought of it, then I've got to go to the University and set up some computers for this joint thing we're doing to run over the weekend. so since I'll already be out of the weekend, assuming they work, I can get out of there pronto! sweet!
Have a good weekend everybody! I'll be back with pictures for you all!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Hubby had come home sick at 11 (he thinks he got food poisoning the night before, though he was out drinking and playing poker so everyone at work thinks he was just hung over) but he was puking and stuff. He did feel better by supper and had some of my veggies.
So after supper I was going through the mail and stuff when I realized why I took the night off. so I got changed and did a body weight strength circuit from TT while I watched So You Think You Can Dance (I love it, they're so good). The circuit was super hard. I think you're supposed to do it 3 times but I only did 2. Then I went outside, cut the grass, hoed the garden. Came back in, did some laundry and dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. Phew! Showered and bed!
tonight is gonna be packing for the weekend. I might make a cake or square or something to share (I made this awesome corn flake cake I might do again). Basically everyone from the ball team camps in MIL's yard (acreage) and hubby and I get to sleep in the house. But they've got a hot tub and all these "activities" like horseshoes and bean bags and a bunch of stuff. Bocce balls. Plus all the guys are bringing their pocket bikes (probably have 8 of them at the farm). I don't play ball, don't drink. The hot tub won't be filled (thank goodness! not ready for that yet!), don't play horseshoes. Don't each chips, or mindless snacking (right?). So really this weekend is sort of a bust for me. Everyone else is completely loaded (that's the point) pigs out (it's called Hogfest!) and plays ball. Not me. Plus, when people get that loaded it's really not that much fun to hang out with them, because even the conversations aren't interesting (things are different from their perspectives of course). I know I'm a total loser at this thing because everyone else is having a blast. But I just see all these people I grew up with and feel competetive with so I try and not look dumb, and not look like I care what they think. Basically I go through a series of poses all night (at the big cabaret, I realize I'm being very unclear).
Anyway, one pro is the weather's supposed to be great. And since i'm not playing ball I can wear my cute tube tops finally! My whole purpose this weekend will be to look good. I'm so lame.
Speaking of, I'm gonna stop eating now as I'm full. I'm eating my healthy chickpeas and the container's not empty, but I'm satisfied so I'll stop.
Eating at work has been totally controlled as I've got a memo to get out every day that keeps me pretty busy. Afternoon snack sometimes has not happened. or just a protein bar quick or something. Not leisurely picking away at 4 different fruits and yogurts (yes healthy, quantity I eat, not good).
So tonight hopefully I can get a run in. HIIT. I'm gonna bring my running stuff home, I'll feel super awesome and hard core if I go running while all these other people are hungover. I can tell them I've got a race on tuesday - which I DO!!! [HBC run for Canada if you'd like to pledge me ;)]
anyway, back to work!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
But I hate being grumpy and upset so I had to do something about it. I realized that I was also partially upset at myself for having so many errors and mistakes. So last night after work I stayed an extra 4 hours and got a jump on my edits. Sort of pitiful the amount I actually got done, I'm thinking of taking next week off of work to just do edits. We're way too busy here this week to take time off unfortunately. But I've got to get a memo out friday and then I should have an empty plate, so time off is possible.
Anyway, I hate complainers so I'm not talking about it any more. It still makes me upset but that's life. I often get pissed and upset about things about how "my life sucks" when it's exam time at school or I have to go on this nasty work trip or something. Basically when things interrupt my me time. But it's not like I do anything really valuable in that time anyway.
Plus get this: last night, after being in my office for 12.5 hours, plus 1 hour commuting, I went for a run at 9:15 last night! yay me! I did a fast 5k, under 5 minute/kms. Daisy was desperately needing some exercise and I needed to burn off stress. Plus I have a 10k race in less than a week that I'm feeling significantly unprepared for. I felt much better 5 minutes into my run. The sun was setting and I thought about how lucky I actually am and put things into perspective. Then it was home shower and bed. Really getting the same me time things I would normally. Granted the house needs a good cleaning that I didn't do and there's laundry piling up but hey, happens.
Eating is back on track. Monday we had a bad supper out with friends. I ate a fajita wrap and fries. No need for the fries, come on. they weren't that good. I was already feeling bloated and fat and puffy. But yesterday was good. I ate a bagged lunch and supper. Tons of fruit, pea soup, laughing cow and crisp bread, and this coleslaw/chicken concoction I made up. It's just shredded cabbage and carrot mix (the bagged thing ya know?), yesterday was some spray italian dressing and mustard, today was balsalmic vinegar, little oil and mustard. I love mustard. Add a shredded chicken breast and then yum! and I can just toss it together in the morning, no prep necessary.
I think supper today will just be the rest of my pea soup (my sweet brother made it for me for my wisdom teeth) since hubby's got ball. I don't think I'm gonna thesis-ize tonight. I'm tired already, rarely do I work this hard at work and THEN have more work to do. Plus I've got to do laundry, really want to do some weights.
Anyway, as I said, so busy at work. so gotta go!
Monday, June 23, 2008
This stupid prof has had my thesis since March. I'm trying to fucking finish here! My sister started writing her thesis in March and has already defended. But no, this stupid co-supervisor of mine has had it for 3 months and I'm SURE only read it this weekend because me and my supervisor were hassling him. anyway, I asked AGAIN today, when do you think I could pick it up? And he said " yeah I'll drop it off this afternoon. This thesis needs a lot of work."
First of all. If it needed a lot of work, don't you think I would have liked to get it back a long time ago to still give myself time to get the stupid work done? If things don't progress REALLY fast starting now, I'm looking at another full year of tuition and not convocating until next spring. fuck you.
SECOND, it does not need a lot or work because my MAIN supervisor and I have been over it a dozen times and he said it was ready for committee but maybe I should let this co-supervisor asshole look at it first as a courtesy. And you could say well sure but maybe my main sup is a slacker and this other dude is strict, but it's the other way around. PLUS, this co-sup guy disagreed with the whole project from the beginning but because it's got industry connections, I didn't do any of the design or whatever that he was mad at, only the monitoring and conclusions on what was already there. So I think he's taking out his annoyance with the industry decisions on me. Asshole.
It needs a lot of work huh? What happened to 2 weeks ago when you replied and said you were nearly finished and that it looked good with just a couple things I'll want to change? Did I screw up the last few pages so bad? Or did you maybe not look at it at all until 17 fucking hours ago and couldn't fucking understand it so blamed me?
I'm so mad. I can't wait to pick it up and see just what kind of corrections he wants me to do. Then I'm ready to cry as I realize that he's still a co-supervisor so I sort of have to do what he says. Hopefully I can get my main supervisor to talk to him about anything that's unreasonable.
Maybe if this assfuck had given me any direction over the last 4 years or showed any interest in the project since the first committee meeting when we talked about what classes I was going to take, then he wouldn't be so suprised by the direction my thesis took.
Plus what kind of a thing to say is that? Even if it was shit you could still show courtesy and say "there are some areas that need some work but you have really nice font" or any fucking positive thing. This guy is such a dink.
I needed this to be out to committee by the end of this week! He's gonna pay my next fucking tuition.
So I got super nervous before going in on thursday. I basically was not thinking of the actual surgery and the pain, just focusing on what I'll do at home and what I can eat. But I was really nervous in the chair. (I did not eat anything, but I couldn't help myself and had a half glass of water when I woke up). I think the doc was trying to distract me, talking to me about triathlons (I wore a race shirt) and whatever, but the nurse was putting in my IV and he had the gas mask thing on my already so I don't know if my answers made sense. His questions totally did, but I just couldn't think of what to say. Then it was a sudden loss of memory. I don't know if I passed out mid sentence or what. Next thing I remember is hubby helping me into this other chair. He tells me I was very out of it and very scared. I was crying. Aww. I asked him 3 times how much it cost. He had to rent a wheelchair to take me to the car. I really don't remember much. He put me in the car and went to take the chair back and I told him I wanted a treat, so he said he'd buy me a Booster Juice. Sounds good. But I told him that I wanted muffins too.
Why would I ask for muffins? I definately could not eat muffins. But they sounded good stoned up I guess. He drops me off at home and puts me on the couch. He goes to the car to get something and meanwhile I'm barfing in my mouth, literally hand over my mouth to hold it in. He comes back in and gets me a pail. It wasn't from eating or drinking we figure, but from all the blood I swallowed. But it does wake me up a bit and I can now enjoy my Booster Juice and the tv. Hurray. Hubby goes to get my prescription filled since I'm fine on the couch now. And who knows what else he does (well actually he stopped in at his dentists and had them grind down a filling that was too high). But meanwhile the drugs wear off and it hurts. I start crying, and that makes it hurt more since my mouth is pulling and stuff. So for about half an hour I slap my hand over my mouth so I can't move it and just wail.
Then he gets home with my drugs and find out he didn't even get me the good one (percocet), but just the antibiotics (for infection) and 600 mg Ibprofin. That's the same as 3 regular strength Advil. WTF! Come on, I could have taken 2 extra strengths and been better! Then he goes and is a pill nazi about it. the dentist said every 4 hours, the bottle says every 6. Hubby does not follow the thinking that a doctor had used the "unless advised by a physicial" clause and instead assumes he made a mistake and only lets me have them every 6. Which sucks. So I compromise at 5 hours. And for the last hour, am in super pain. boo. And I know they're not that strong or anything, but I never take anything, even for a headache. So while they aren't very effective on the face pain I've got. They do affect my brain and I basically pass out for an hour after taking them, then am all loopy for another 2 hours, then they finally kick in for my mouth for an hour, then they wear off for an hour. Then I take another and start again.
That was my whole weekend. I got lots of tv and movie watching in. Yesterday I did some scrapbooking and shopping. Oh yeah, and I ate. and ate and ate and ate. Not sure if it made my mouth feel better or just distracted me from it. but there was too much food and no exercise and the scale showed me up 5 lbs this morning. Honestly! Who knew that pudding and yogurt were so heavy? Oh and maybe the fact that I managed to shove 4 of those muffins down my throat even though I could hardly taste them or chew or whatever. I really can't even remember what I ate except that I was doing it constantly. Pudding cups and jello and bananas. And now I've got rolls. Hopefully some exercise tonight does not hurt the face because I need it. It's just tough to eat veggies when you can't open your mouth more than 1 cm. I made a curry last night that should last me at least the week. Plus I can eat fruit I discovered so that's my whole lunch today. And yogurt. Need that good bacteria replenished when you're on antibiotics.
Oh and have I mentioned that this is the worst possible time to gain weight? Do you know what this weekend is? Hogfest. What's that? The big homecoming type thing where I see all these people from back home that make me feel like a loser and so I always want to come home all awesome and shove it in their face (all this is done telepathically, face to face everyone is friendly). I'm sure I'll be able to pull off the clothes on look, but there is also hot tub occassion and I was set to try out the new bikini. And it ain't looking pretty. (I'm doing what I can with fake tanners, but seriously, I probably gained an inch in the belly! dumb dumb dumb!)
Anyway, I've got things back on track hopefully. and hopefully the exercise helps. My teeth still do hurt, or lack of teeth I guess. But I'll try and fix that with water and advil not food any more.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
So yesterdays food ended up being only alright. I did plan on semi-indulging at supper and I semi-did. We had my barbequed chicken breasts (more chicken! with a greek marinade), tossed salad with spicy peanut thai homemade dressing a la my friend A. I also had a bit of coleslaw. Then T made a pudding pie (oreo cookie crumb crust with chocolate pudding as filling, easy, but still really good ya know?) and I had 2 (!) pieces. Oh, and a glass of lemonade. feel pretty good about the day.
Visiting was fun. I spilled the beans about our other friend being pregnant, I don't know if I was supposed to. I just asked if they talked to her lately and they were all like "no, why??!?" and I couldn't contain it. Our puppies had an adorable play date. Pete looks a lot like Daisy (both terrier in them) but about 1/4 the size. He's only 4 months old but sure knew how to play with Daisy. They were tearing back and forth through the house and outside. Pete peed on the carpet twice and 3 times on the linoleum. Glad Daisy's out of that phase.
Plus we did some visiting with Arden, the only baby in all my group of friends. She's 6 months and ADORABLE! She smiles and just wants to giggle at you. I practiced up on my baby talk and baby faces and cry avoidance techniques and was a big success. I can't wait until we all have babies. These girls know my plan to start trying this fall.
Anyway, I did get some squats and planks and pushups in while waiting for them to show up. Just a few, hardly broke a sweat. but effort right? Today is going to be a HARD workout since who knows how I'll feel for the next couple of days.
that's right, tomorrow I'm getting 3 wisdom teeth pulled. I'm getting put under too. I had 1 pulled before and I passed out and was useless for an hour. So I thought might as well plan for being useless. I'm nervous about not being able to eat or DRINK for 12 hours prior to surgery. Who can go 12 hours with out a drink? I might cheat a bit. Do you think that means I can't have my vitamins in the morning either?
I stocked the house with yogurt and pudding and jello and of course protein powders and I'm kind of excited to have a liquid diet. I've also got a few tv series DVDs borrowed from my brother, and I'm renting movies. (plus I will probably have thesis edits to work on if I want...) Hubby took the day off so he can drive me and take care of me for the first day. The nurse said I would be legally impaired for 24 hours after the surgery, don't know if that's from the anesthetic and being put under, or if they're planning on sending me home with a bunch of codeine. fun!
So yes folks this means as I won't be at work, I probably wont' be blogging and checking in on you all until next monday. I basically have the same movie/pudding plan for the whole weekend, depending how I feel. Maybe more physical stuff, but maybe not. Anything I do will be a bonus if you plan for nothing right? Anyways, have a good weekend!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Calories for the day so far: 600 (and I think that's pushing it, but I didn't measure my feta). For a girl who usually eats 1800 calories a day (and sometimes loses but messes it up on weekends). This is not much so far! I've got a couple turkey breast slices (80 cal) and more fruit (lots of options, 100-ish cals each). Then supper is chicken breast (greek marinade, on the bbq) with a green salad and something for dessert. (I've got my girlfriends coming over for supper so one is bringing the salad, one the dessert. i'm also going to serve coleslaw and potato salad, but I don't like them much so won't have any). So before supper it's about 800 calories for the day, So I can totally eat like 700 calories and not be deprived at all, and still have a great deficit for the day! woohoo! That never happens!
What kind of person is full after carrots and celergy and 2.5 tbsp of hummus? Seriously. That's not even a meal. It's an appetizer.
So yesterday I went to Walmart and then for groceries after work. So I didn't get home until 7. I bought one of those roasted chicken meals for supper so at least it was ready when we got home. It was a small roasted chicken with 2 deli salads and a french loaf for $10. I was mostly excited for the leftover chicken. Stir-fries, chicken salad. So many ideas. But I did eat some of everything which wasn't great. And some stupid carrot cake that got sent home with us from the weekend. I'm gonna throw it out tonight. Dumb idea to bring that home (the idea was it's for hubby, but really, he's trying to drop pounds too so come on.)
Anyway eating all that (first it was great, but mostly because it was a full dinner and I didn't have to cook ya know?). Hubby was cutting the grass and I hate to be doing "me" things when he's working so I pulled some weeds in the garden and cages my tomatoes. then it looked like a storm so Daisy and I went for our HIIT before weights. For some reason it killed me. I didn't look at my graphs, but I'm sure I wasn't even going fast but I was dying. I will ration it back to my nutrition on Sunday. I seem to remember that eating crap on the weekends used to make my kickboxing classes monday really hard, but if I ate well, I rocked it. More proof that it's bad to eat bad.
Anyway at least I busted it out. Did not do any weights since by then in was 9:00 and I had to clean the house for the girls today. Plus I finally got my hubby in the sack. Priorities people. (you don't even want to know how long it had been, we did not "celebrate" our anniversary, nor SIL moving out until last night).
So tonight I probably will be doing nothing. Sorta bad since I should be doing my weights. Maybe I'll have time for 1 set before they show up, some isn't as good as all but it's better than none.
We're having a puppy play date. T is bringing her new dog pete to play with Daisy. And A is bringing her baby since she's got one of those instead of a dog. haha.
Anyway, hard to spit cherry pits out and type, plus got some reading to do!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Friday I went shopping before going home. yay! I bought some cute tube tops and a strapless bra ($5 each and then $8.50! Score!) I love suzy shier. Basically I just wear their t-shirts and tanks every single day. And they're always on clearance so I stock up.
Anyway, then when I got home, packed the dog's bag (it's like a diaper bag!) and mine and we were off! We picked up subs on the way home. I had no cheese and just honey mustard. so good all there. But I had 12". bad.
Get home eventually. And it's visiting with my parents time. We just talked and everyone else drank. No comments were made about me not drinking. I do think they're thinking it's related to pregnancy (either we're trying or I am but not saying yet - which isn't true in case you thought it too!) but whatever. I had my fill of diet coke.
Saturday, since it was a big ball tourney we went for a free pancake breakfast in town. I had 2 pancakes with syrup, 3 little sausages (which I shouldn't have, quite greasy) and a bunch of fruit. I would have loaded up on fruit more but the little old ladies were serving and there wasn't a lot of fruit on the platter and they loaded the pancakes and sausage on not asking how many you'd like (mine was the "woman" serving, the man was 3 pancakes and 5 sausages, funny).
Then hubby had ball. M&D and I tried to hang out and show up half way through, but I guess they started late so we saw the beginning. They were kicking butt so we left after 2 innings. I am not much of a fan of visiting with the small town people who all know me but not really. Lots of the "where are you working?" and then they don't understand the answer anyways. and "no babies yet?" (like people from my summer job 6 years ago, or grandparents of kids I went to school with, sheesh!) Then there's awkward hugs with girls I used to play volleyball with but haven't really spoken to since then. There was a funny thing, I was leaving the diamond with Daisy and passed this girl from high school (seriously hadn't seen her in 7 years) and she's like "Hey Randi, is that you're dog?" and I said "Hey Charity, yeah. Is that your baby?" and then she was like "yeah" and we both kept walking. funny.
Anyway, got a round of golf in with my folks (well 7 holes) while hubby's playing ball ALL DAY. I was having a crappy round and sometimes just really don't like golf. We walk when we golf so that's some exercise at least. 2 hour walk. Then watched golf on tv and just hung out until like 7:00 when hubby finally finished and we went to his nephew's birthday party (only 4 hours late, and I had to explain that on the phone to SIL. grr..)
So I hadn't had supper yet, and she still had all the stuff out. I didn't have a burger or cake or anything. I had some potato salad and probably 2 cups of cherries. I snacked on various fruit and veggies and dip and pickles or whatever. But I ate a LOT of cherries. yum. Because it was out all night I ate more than I should have. I should have loaded up a plate and ate it all then been done. But I never really felt done since all I did was nibble all night. But still it was just fruit and veggies.
Eventually go to bed. I just wasn't feeling the visiting much. Sunday morning I wake up and go for my long run with the Dog. Yay! it wasn't all that long, and it was much slower and more breaks than usual. Daisy was tired from wrestling with the other dog all weekend so I was dragging her the whole time. Plus she kept wanting to smell things like mice holes along the road. She's such a city dog. Anyway, about 7 or 8 kms. I can't remember. (Garmins are great for running where new places, I would have done only 4 and thought it was far before).
Then got dressed up for the baptism. Barely enough time to shower and dry my hair. But I looked really cute. No pictures though, sorry. Mass and then the baptism. Sam was soo good! She was smiling at the priest the whole time. Didn't even cry with the water. (aparently she had crapped her pants GOOD as soon as it started, SIL thought it might have gone through the diaper onto the gown. ha!) I was the official photographer and went nuts. not my camera and they had given it to me on "auto" but that was taking bad pictures (dark, flash not good enough in the church) so I played with it and found good settings. It's a really cool camera but I bet they use auto all the time. waste.
Anyway, then the food fest happened. It was buns and meat and more fruit and veggies and cakes and cookies. I ate it all. I won't get into it. But it was also out all afternoon. So I just kept munching. My tummy hurt, felt like it was bursting. but then there was a new dip opened. I did stick mostly to the fruits and veggies. However there was a couple cookies and cakes in there too. But even if your eating celery, eating until it hurts is bad.
That couldn't be all either. Then we roasted some hotdogs on a fire (how fun! you forget stuff like that!) for supper. And cleaned up more of the leftovers from the birthday party. sheesh!
Finally rolled home at 9:30, unpacked a bit and then hit the hay. Hubby had to work early today so I don't know if he shut the alarm off or what, because I ended up sleeping in until 7:50 and I leave at 8:00. I managed to make it hear in time though! with lunch and everything! yay! I still had sleep creases on my face when I got here though! ha!
I'm going to buy some groceries after work. Load up on the fruits, but more so the veggies. and chicken breasts. my latest issue of Women's Health had like 99 ways to (easily) cook chicken breast, all take like 30 minutes. I'm gonna try and eat nothing but chicken breasts and fruits and veggies. (not like strict or anything, but just chicken and veggie focused ya know?). Seriously. the scale was up. The last 2 weeks haven't been pretty and there's no reason for it (or am I somehow coping with emotional things through food? hmm...I'm not an obvious emotional eater, but maybe subconsciously....)
anways, today work is actually keeping me busy. I also have a short week, thurs and friday off because I'm getting my wisdom teeth out. (yay?) Might help the diet though huh? Nothing but protein shakes for 2 days? Gonna pile the workouts in early this week since I probably won't feel like it later.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Yesterday was alright. I was sort of bored, but tired so I decided not to workout. I realized I didn't give myself any time off after my race so though I was due. It might be tough to finish my monthly goals, but I wasn't just being lazy. I think I needed a break. So I did some packing for the weekend, some cleaning. blah blah. mostly wasted the night (that's what it feels like when I don't work out, I know it's not a waste though).
We're going home for a variety of reasons. First it's father's day. Gotta do some visiting with my mom and dad and just hang out and talk since that's what we do best. They'll offer me a cooler and mom gets sort of excited to have a drink with me sometimes. She doesn't like beer and neither do I, so rarely drinks during the week (sometimes a glass of wine maybe) but feels like having a cooler would be a treat, but doesn't want to do it alone. But she's gonna have to. I'm gonna decline. It's weird that I'm embarrassed to tell my parents that I don't drink any more isn't it? I just think they'll jump to the pregnant conclusion or something. (not that they're big drinkers or anything at all).
Anyway, then hubby's playing slow pitch with his cousin's team in the town my parents live in. So depending on their schedule we'll stick around town for it. (I'll be doing my long run saturday morning I believe, unless I golf with my folks, weather dependant). Saturday afternoon and supper is my nephew's birthday party (6th I think) and they live out in the country, 10 minutes away from my folks (it's the in-laws now). So we'll be having burgers out there. I'm not going to have any chips and I know they're gonna be there. I think I'll bring home some cherries and protein bars for myself, both better treats anyway. With my eating this week (all good food, but seriously, not stopping when I'm full, eating because it tastes good etc. bad bad) I'm gonna try to not have any cheats this weekend. Scratch that. I won't have any. (no trying, only doing. right Yoda?) Granted I'll be eating whatever meals are prepared by others (burgers, etc) that I might not eat otherwise, but portions and snacks will be controlled. Just realized there will be birthday cake. I'll have 1 bite to not be rude if I have to get served some but then pawn it off on hubby, or maybe the dog. She'll love it.
Sunday is the baptism of my neice and SIL has asked me to take pictures. I will be wearing the pencil skirt and polka dot shirt from the fashion show for the shower. Sweet. I definately lost some girth since then because it is fitting much nicer now. Should be motivation to keep the eating in check prior to that right?
Then of course it's father's day so some visiting and gift giving and whatever with the in-laws. Hubby and BIL got a pocket bike for FIL so I'm sure that will be entertaining (plus they each have one, so 3 out at the farm, I might read my new book...) Then it's home time. Depending when we get home I might be able to get a TT workout in Sunday night. But the only concrete plans are the long run at one point. Oh and of course sticking to a good food plan!
PS - WI today, 136.6. So that's up 0.8 from last friday, 0.4 from last thursday, but down from yesterday. so interesting. It's still a good number and what with donut fest sunday and then portion distortion all week, I'm quite happy. But let's move past that 6 now shall we?
So last night hubby and I had a fight. Even though it wasn't a mean fight, I guess I mean a discussion. Of course I bawled because I always bawl. I've accepted this, hubby has too. But we talked about how I'm not quite happy with him and just what is he screwing up and what can he do about it. As in he's not giving me quite what I need and that's making me be more needy than either of us like. So I tried to explain that I needed attention. Yes it sounds bratty and annoying but it's true. Not like a little kid needs attention to be the center of attention. But I need that when I talk to him, he looks at me and doesn't ignore me and doesn't just go "huh" every 10 seconds. I told him that I need 2 hours a week where he has to focus on me. Most of the time he's multi tasking and the other task comes before even listening to me. We never talk, even about our days, only if we have to complain about something or made plans involving the other person. He doesn't know what I do at work. And no I don't expect him to care about the projects really because he didn't go into this line of work, but it would be nice if he cared just because I cared.
He countered with, well what about monday, we had "date night" and watched pretty woman. Well sure, he counts "date night" and quality time as basically not doing what he wanted to be doing (various "work" sort of things, like work in the garage, yard work, chore type things that he thinks he can finish one day and then give me time but doesn't realize that these things are like dishes, there's always more to do.) I said yes, that was a date night, but because we didn't connect at all. As in we were basically just in the same room, went back to doing our own thing on commercials, didn't really speak at all and there was a slight tension between us because hubby was in that little depression funk at the time. So to me it was unsatisfying as quality time and didn't charge my 2 hour/week requirement.
I understand how it was difficult for him to understand this, it's tough to explain now. But it was really weird, during our "fight" I felt better. he was focused on me, talking to me, thinking about what I was saying. I was getting my "attention" so I already feel better. I even told him that. And it also went into the sex thing (TMI I KNOW!) but I always want to have sex more and I think it's because when we're doing that, it's attention. It's quality time. It's not just being in the same room, there's nothing else on his mind. He's not multi-tasking me in to his day.
I know he loves me, and does things for me in his way. He's taking care of the yard for me. He takes care of the vehicles for me. He works hard at work to get money for me. He builds a shelf I asked for me. etc etc. He's explained it before that all the things he does can be traced back to how he does them for me because he loves me. And things like buying me presents or even just little things like an iced cap when he's getting one (and he always buys me candy, but I've tried to explain that is not for me because it makes me unhappy since I'm trying to lose weight here). I get that's his way so that's great. But I don't care if the lawn gets cut really, I'd sooner have him not ignore me when I try and talk to him.
Easier to explain as if it were a parent child thing. Like the dad is so busy building a play house for the kid he doesn't play with him, when the kid really just wants to play catch with his dad, not have a play house. Even though the dad is doing it for the kid, and showing in his way he cares, it doesn't really mean much to the kid.
It's been the main problem in our whole 10 year relationship. We used to fight a lot more, huge screaming fights. Hubby was sort of explosive. But then he went on antidepressants and we rarely argue any more. But those arguments also lead to some good moments. After an hour of screaming, we'd settle down and try and fix the problem, appologize, make up, make out, whatever. Now nothing is ever a big enough issue for us to "fight" so things just stew. And if I try and just bring something up, hubby either doesn't have time to talk and blows me off or starts getting really upset and I realize that the issue isn't worth a fight. But there are a lot of small issue things ya know.
I should have started this post dear diary. This really isn't regular blog fodder (or fotter?). And I wonder if I make a bigger deal out of this through my blog than it would be other wise. I hate dwelling on the negative. But that's how we got where we are. I'm too quick to forgive when things bother me so they just keep happening.
ARGH! I HATE THIS POST!
Any advice you give has to be kept in the light of this: hubby has obsessive compulsive disorder. It makes everything "normal" harder for him. I always say "we" have OCD. Because it makes things harder for me too. Part of that is all this "work" he has to do. Like he took a trailer full of garbage to the dump yesterday. To me and you, this would have taken the hour it took and that's it. But he says it was a really busy week with a lot on his mind and so he didn't really have time for me this week. I asked why and he listed: working 11 hour days (valid), planning to go home (OCD thing, this doesn't take time for"normal people"), getting ready to go to the dump (OCD thing, this really only took 1 hour, but it probably chewed up 3 hours of his week, planning it and who knows what else his mind makes him do), ball game (valid) and dealing with the neighbour who called the cops (invalid, didn't need "dealing" with. Nor did he actually do anything, but it was on his mind and that makes him feel busy). If he's thinking about something, like planning on going home and planning on going to the dump and this neighbour, then it feels like he's busy and stressed out and has no time. Even when these things don't take up any time. Just being on his mind makes other things take up more time. Of course I don't understand it, I dont' have OCD. And of course it frustrates me. I do cut him a lot of slack for a lot of things, but once in a while it boils over and annoys me.
The antidepressants he's on help his OCD. So he's able to throw things away (he's a packrat b/c of OCD). So some of his "work" is going throw boxes and throwing stuff way that's really old. Like he still has Columbia House flyers from when he was in high school because he couldn't throw them away then. We've got a disaster of a basement full of these things. He is slightly ahead of his weekly accumulations (that is, the paper he's throwing out, is slightly more than the new papers and stuff he's accumulating.) So that's why I say this will never be "done" for him and then he'll have time for me. But because it's going so well with his pills, it means he wants to devote more time to it and getting it "done" and therefore takes more time away from me.
We're a mess.
This is making it sound really bad though and it isn't. Hubby's got his OCD so much more under control than it used to be. And really my personality is the type that can deal with it. but it just seems like there's always 1 more thing I need from him.
Like I said, this post seems random since I do feel better after "connecting" last night. Unfortunately I think hubby feels worse since he didn't really feel like there was anything wrong before. But he has given me more hugs and kisses and snuggles just this morning and more I love you's and stuff. We're always our best after a fight. We need to get there without a fight though.
Boo this post. I'll post a good one later, doesn't feel like it should be in with this one.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Yesterday I did my TT workout along with the intervals. I did 30:90s. Not too bad. I did feel recovered after a minute, so for the last 30 seconds of "recovery" I jogged slowly instead of walking. It looked like this:
That's from this other program I found that I can use with my Garmin (SportTracks). It lets me export so that's cool, but the heart rate options are only average, not instantaneous. I probably need to work with it some more.
but it is another great graph showing a great workout. And it was raining during this so of course I felt extra cool. But also, you can feel dumb doing intervals. Like you have no idea what you're doing (pushing buttons on a watch help though). If there are people walking or jogging that see you, you'll be SPRINTING for 30 seconds and then walk, makes you look like you have no idea what pacing means and stuff. Then when you catch your breath you SPRINT again. funny.
The strength stuff was good. This was more lower body which I love working out. Single leg bridges or whatever they're called on a stability ball KILL ME! Plus lots of squats and lunges and stuff. Good stuff. Plus this plank sorta thing called Spiderman crawl. I did pushups with it, not supposed to really but I wanted to. It also killed me. But my whole workout (strength and run) was done in less than an hour. Oh yeah.
Looking at those goals for the month, I'm done 5/12 of both TT and HIIT. 1/4 long runs, 3/8 other and 5/10 veggie meals. It's gonna be a tight fit to get all the TT and HIIT in. 3 next week, 3 the week after and then 1 more somewhere. I guess I could do it tonight depending how I feel. I was gonna take a day off. I'm just feeling tired lately. Thought maybe a break would be good. But I know I won't workout friday since we're going home to see the fams and then saturday I want to do a long run and that's probably all. Sunday might be nothing as well, but it might be an other or a TT depending when we come home. So maybe I'll plan on doing a workout tonight. The scale was unkind this morning (well more like I was eating too much all week and the scale reflected that, it was just being honest) showing 137.0 again. Up a pound more or less. See what a good job on thursday can do for me. (It is so sad that just 1 good day really can make me lose. Imagine if I had 7 good days/week?)
And when I say bad day, I just have been having too big of portions. Still good food. Just an extra apple as a snack, and an extra glass of milk with supper. (and yes I get enough calcium and enough fruits with out these extras)
Guess what else I did yesterday? Hubby had ball and instead of going to watch after my jog (it was raining anyway plus I didn't want to waste the rest of the night). So I cooked! I hoped on this pumpkin wagon (yes I know I'm late) and tried making some pumpkin bread. I don't like pumpkin but I thought it would be nice to bring home for the parents this weekend. But I might have screwed it up. I baked it the appropriate time but I thought it was a little bit undercooked. So I turned the oven off and left it in the oven and went to bed. I thought it might get a bit dry. But no. Looked this morning, bottom sort of wet. Ok makes sense. But the bottom also has these black spots. Sorta reminds me of banana bread ya know? Like when there's sort of black patches where chunks of banana were or something? (I don't really know what it was?) But it's only on the bottom, not the sides or top, and I picked a chunk off the corner and I couldn't see it in the middle. So in that way, it looks like mold. could it be spots of mold all over the bottom from leaving it in the oven over night? At first I was like, "no mold can't grow that fast!" but then I realized it's damp on the bottom, and it would have been warm for a lot of the night, so that could speed it up right? I took a picture of the bottom so I'll compare it to what it looks like after work so I can see if it spread at all. Oh well.
I also made a pot of coffee (was gonna do the instant coffee thing in the morning but we don't have any!) so I could have a cold mocha this morning. Sorta fun. (I don't actually like coffee, but I'm trying). I also made a cornflake bar thing. Basically rice krispie squares but with corn flakes. And I put cocoa in it and pressed mini chocolate chips in the top. It's crazy good, hopefully I can pawn it all off on family this weekend as it's completely unhealthy (and you say MARGARINE, and HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP? Hello trans fats and whatever bad thing HFCS gives you). Isn't that weird how rice krispie squares are considered a fairly "healthy" treat when it's actually got horrible ingredients?
Oh and I also made a chicken dish ready for the slow cooker this morning.
It was great. So productive. Maybe try and do something similar tonight. I love cooking and baking.
However tonight we're going to pack up for going home right after work. So we'll see.
Anyway, gonna go read some blogs and then get down to work!
(oh yeah, carolyn and jen, requesting that book from my library now! Do I have to make hubby read it because that's not gonna happen...)
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Anyway, even though hubby is very masculine and macho in many ways, he's also the woman of our relationship. He's in the construction industry and drinks beer and hunts and carries pocket knives and has a whole workshop in the garage and loves big trucks and all this tough guy stuff right? But he's the one who holds grudges, who makes the plans for us, who I have to check in with to see if we can do something. Guys in the office here joke that their wives are the bosses ya know? Like they have to see what the boss says before going for a beer. Or they have to ask permission before buying golf clubs or whatever. We're the opposite. Hubby just buys shit and does shit. I ask permission (though he doesn't care anyway). He gets his way 90% of the time. He'll bring up arguments and grudges from years ago. I don't even remember exactly why we fought yesterday.
He gets it from his mother. Well his dad too. It is ridiculous how much we all turn into our parents. RIDICULOUS! My parents have never fought. They'll discuss things, but they realize nothing was ever a big enough deal for them to get upset about. My MIL has gone for a week without speaking to FIL, over something dumb like he's always working and late for supper. And worse than that, she complains to her kids about it and makes them take sides. I just don't understand gossip in a FAMILY.
I remember growing up and something being "not fair" and my brother got cake or a longer turn or whatever and mom being like "so? how does that even affect you? it's him, you still got yours." And I remember numerous times when my mom pointed out how getting even does nothing and is the most pitiful, mean thing you can do. Obviously MIL did not instill the same lessons in hubby. (OH, so I can blame HER! always looking for another tick against a MIL aren't we?)
Thanks for your comments ladies. I'd like to address some things from them.
First, to make it clear, it's not like little kids were out when these guys went out and they kicked them off the street (that I'm aware of at least!). And there really were neighbours watching and laughing at them and one neighbour even tried a bike. So there was no reason for these guys to think they were being annoying (except if they would have stopped for a minute and thought about it, but nobody was really glaring or saying anything). Though I stand by my opinion that maybe 2 hours should have been enough, then let the kids have the street back. (though again, nobody said anything, and there weren't kids obviously waiting).
Second - I'm with you Angie, the drunk driving thing is a big no-no. However unfortunately I'm in the minority with most of our friends. I hardly believe it! They tell drunk driving stories with no shame. I think one of these times I'm gonna call the cops anonomously on them after we leave a bar or something. Sometimes I'm praying that they hit the ditch right outside of town so they're off the road and only hurt themselves but hopefully learn a lesson. The more I think of it, I do think I'll call the cops on them, sort of some irony there as well in light of this last situation...
In this case I really doubt that any of them would have been intoxicated if they had to blow though. They maybe had 2 or 3 beer all afternoon (as far as I knew again!). the thing with these dumb bikes is you just look drunk on them. It was the lack of control on the bikes themselves, not alcohol which was making them look dangerous.
I also know that a lot of the give has to come from my side. And maybe I can do the old wife trick of making him think changing is his idea? I have learned to bite my tongue an aweful lot when hubby just needs to vent about something I don't agree with (he has to be the tough guy sometimes, and around his work people and me it's hard to switch back and forth between what's acceptable conversation.) I think my biggest problem is that hubby doesn't really even know that this is a problem for me. If I bring it up we'll have an unproductive fight where hubby's like "I can't believe you're mad at this still" (we've talked about it before but nothing got resolved) and the fight would take all these random turns (he's not a good Dr. Phil type fighter) and we'd both just be mad. I've gotta wait for him to be in a certain mood, but by then it's not on my mind any more!
Tash, I appreciate your comment "And I'm not going to say anymore because it is one thing for you to vent about someone you love and it's another thing for me to say anything." You're right, I still have to defend him. Even when he's obviously being a dink. ;)
And Jen, I agree, if it were another one of our neighbours doing it, I think even hubby would be annoyed. I really don't understand the appeal of these stupid looking things. I refuse to ride it. Hubby actually sounds more like you and I'm more like your man. Hubby's the outgoing one, that's why we're always with his friends. I'm the more educated, quieter (huh?), "sidekick" one. that's why I vent to my blog friends and am lonely in real life. (aw so sad...)
But I think it was Sheri's comment that made me feel the best for some reason.
"Sometimes it just takes men longer to finish growing up, you know?"
Yeah. he's not being dumb or gonna stay like this forever. He'll grow up eventually (hopefully soon). This whole thing, along with my friend's baby was making me really question when we could have kids. We're SOO different with different priorities and values and stuff, how could we raise a kid? But I know hubby will be a good dad, and he knows things will change when we have kids. Maybe he's just getting his immaturity out of the way first huh? sort of like a bachelor party before a wedding? An immature summer before kids?
It's funny, a friend of mine is also really immature sometimes (when he drinks, it's retarded.) and hubby can't stand him and is always telling him to grow up and venting about how he acts like he's 17 but is 29. I wonder if I can make hubby realize he's acting like he's 19 but actually 27....
I have a feeling that even though each video is only 5 minutes, I'm going to be wasting hours here. (it basically shows 5 minute videos on how to do ANYTHING! from trick pool shots, to making vegetarian gravy to cleaning a guitar hero guitar. I'm gonna learn it all and be even smarter and more annoying)
So they were ripping up and down our crescent Saturday afternoon on these things. They can go pretty fast, but we don't have any traffic really. Anyway, they're noisy like motorbikes right? But it is saturday at 3:00 in the afternoon, no big deal? And yes they were drinking while riding these things. And wiping out and jumping over potholes on the street. (can you tell where this is going?)
So the cops show up because of a complaint from one of our neighbours. I'm like "thank god hubby's not home." I'm inside with the girls, just chilling. So the cops tell them they're illegal vehicles on the road and whatever, no tickets (which would have been $550 each!) but they have to pack it in. The cops were really cool about it. (The cops even drove by earlier and just smiled, but since there was a complaint they had to stop it).
So somehow the guys figured out who made the complaint (the cops stopped and talked to a guy cutting his grass before and after coming over or something). So everyone was all pissed off (the way guys drinking beer get pissed off) and bitching about what a dink the neighbour was.
Meanwhile I'm completely on this guy's side, because if I had kids or anything I'd be worried about these half cut idiots waking them up from naps, and it was a nice day but the kids couldn't bike on the street without probably getting hit. Not to mention the way they were wiping out and drinking (though not really drunk, just being dumb) you'd think they'd crash into houses or something. And it was noisy (like lawn mower noisy, but it was going on from 1 until 4 or so.) Not to mention they are illegal on the street. So this guy has all these valid reasons. And after everyone came inside (to bitch) all these little kids went outside on their trikes and bikes and were playing.
All the guys were saying how all the neighbours were cool with it because they were standing at watching in their driveway and wanting a turn and whatever. Sure, there were 2 houses that did that, and a bunch of people looking out their window. That doesn't mean they want you doing that. Maybe they were waiting for you to finish to do something of their own!
Oh and then hubby comes home from work and goes and talks to this neighbour and asks why he called the cops and is a big jerk (in my opinion, hubby that is). The guy denies it but then does say how he was annoyed by it or whatever. Which he has a complete right to be! anyway, hubby comes home and calls the town about the guys deck which he thinks they maybe didn't get a permit for and a shed they're building or something and that they guy parks with his vehicle over the sidewalk or something. Basically "gets him back" and is a jerk.
Hubby's main point was that the guy should have come over and just asked them to stop rather than call the cops, because it could have been huge fines and tickets and since they were technically drinking and driving maybe loss of license and so on. But I know that there's no way I'd have the guts to walk down the street and ask 6 drunk guys to stop having fun. I would have probably done the same thing and called the cops!
But I cannot explain this to hubby. And the dumb thing is that he wasn't even there! It had nothing to do with him! But he feels like he needs revenge and is acting all immature.
I tried to explain to him how he's just being mean but he said he knows and of course I'm right, (I always am right, rational, calm, good. Don't get worked up about anything) but couldn't he just be immature and get him back and can't I just be on his side or something?
I do get how it would be horrible to be married to me because I truly am always "right". That's my whole existance in life is striving to do what's right and good and best (for my health, with my money, in relationships, spiritually, emotionally etc). it's not a bad thing. But for a "normal" person who is more feeling driven and has higher highs and lower lows and is more emotional that way, I can see it totally sucking. I basically have no "passion" and am more "rational" and hubby's opposite. But it doesn't mean he's right to get revenge!
That's something that hubby ALWAYS tries to do. He's all about keeping score and payback and everything. Even with me. If I don't answer my cell phone or something, he won't answer his, and then when we finally talk he'll be like "see? how's that feel?" (not a true example but typical). Every time we have an argument he brings up all the stuff he has done good and all the stuff i've done bad and claims I give him no credit. Even when I'm just asking him to replace toilet paper rolls (has nothing to do with taking care of the cars and oil changes, but he'll bring it up!)
He does it with his friends and strangers and stuff too (like this cop thing). He never just decides to be the bigger person and forgive and let go. I absolutely hate it. But I can't make him change it. I don't know what to do since I don't like HIM when he's like that (not just the behavior, but him ya know?)
Anyway, we fought about that a little last night. We were going to have sex (since he's busy for the rest of the week and hates when I point out how long it's been, yeah there's another relationship problem, don't get me started) but instead he went out to the garage and I read in bed for awhile then fell asleep. He fell asleep on the couch (which I think he does on purpose so he can doesn't have to deal with me).
Anyway there's my vent. That's part of the reason hubby's felt "off" lately because he wants to get back at that guy but can't really. He always feels things so personally. anyway, just to share. You don't need to fix it for me because I don't think you can.
I'll post a more awesome post later.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
It's weird, of my little circle of friends, I was the first one married by a long shot (like 2 years or more) but now I'm gonna be one of the later to have a baby. Just seems weird.
Just warning you though, this is probably gonna start a big wave of baby related posts again!
So yesterday I sort of had a date with hubby. I still did my TT strength stuff, but not the intervals. We'll do them today. It's cool to split them up. I moved on to a new TT workout and the A workout is all upper body, B is lower. So if I'm feeling like it, maybe I can do the B workout tonight. I'm slightly limited because I don't have a chin-up bar and certain other equipment. Maybe I should have done a body weight one now. Anyway. So hubby and I watched Pretty Woman on tv. He's sort of been down lately and I really don't know what to do. Whenever I give him ideas of what cheers me up, or stress relieving things or whatever he just sort of gets mad. I do get it, he works really hard on his feet for like 11 hours a day so just wants to lay on the couch with a beer and chips when he gets home. And doesn't want to hear that he should go for a walk and eat vegetables. But really I do think it would help. Nobody can be really happy laying on a couch for 3 hours and then going to bed. (that means you too!)
But we had a nice date anyway. I was starting to feel like I haven't seen him in a month and we share a bed. It's weird to say you're lonely when there's another person living with you and comes home every night, but I am sorta lonely.
Anyway, yesterday I had a small bowl of my Mediteranean yogurt which is like 250 calories per 3/4 cup. ARGH! I bought it as my treat on Sunday after my race (oh like 4 donuts weren't enough? Isn't it weird that the yogurt is just as bad as a donut? It's probably healthier fat)
I made a pita pizza for supper yesterday, just a regular sized pita. Sauce, ham, peppers, cheese. It was a bit too big, but I ate the whole thing anyway. So for lunch I'm going to have half a pita pizza. Eating some plain yogurt with frozen berries in it (needs some sweetener!) as a snack. Also have cherries, strawberries, carrots, and turkey slices. No plans for supper yet. I bought the new Clean Eating magazine, might find something in there. But I did forget to thaw anything out. We'll see.
Hm, sort of a downer post. Gonna go do some work and turn back into awesome hopefully. Better do something awesome tonight to recharge my mojo. Nothing's better for that than some solid HIIT!!! (and making graphs of it afterwards!)
Monday, June 9, 2008
Seriously, I need to shrink some pants.
All my great summer pants and capris and even some of my everyday jeans are kinda too big. Like they stay up, but I don't need to undo them to go to pull them down (just tried it in the bathroom - ha! and these used to be my best jeans!) I've got a lot of white pants and skirts that i'm gonna try and shrink, but other colors too, I was gonna just wash them in hot and then dry them in hot, might work right? (i usually use cold for everything, save the environment ya know). but I should probably do the white's separate right?
My goal? 55 minutes. My time? 54:37!! YES!!! I had my wonderful Garmin on so it helped me pace myself really well. I was running with my friend and she suggested the goal time and I just checked the pace. I think it was faster than she anticipated. She only hung with me for the first 4kms, I think that I probably would have had a faster time if we weren't running together. Just for the passing people and trying to stay together stuff. Like checking with her before stepping up the pace or whatever.
My friend ended up with a time of 1:02something. I also saw my cousins there, and one had a faster time than me and the other had a slower. Of course I felt like a rockstar until I saw the faster one. Even though I made my goal, I wanted to have the fastest race and was sort of disappointed. But I'm trying to realize that's dumb. Then I talked myself into believing I could have been faster if I would have ran alone, and had a better start. For some reason a bunch of walkers lined up near the front, and slow people, and the path for the runners wasn't really that wide (for the amount of runners) so it was sort of crazy at the beginning. but then, probably all races are like that. Whatever, I've got another race on July 1st and my new goal is to beat my cousin's time (only like 1 minute faster). Oh plus, the finish was also dumb. They staggered races so that the 10k, 5k and 2k walk all finished at the same time. DUMB. So the final lap around the track to the finish I'm like running all around these walkers and strollers and couldn't sprint to the finish, let alone cross the finish at a run hardly. It was so backed up just after the finish line that you'd hit a wall of people. That's got to be at least 10 seconds right? ;)
So after the race, I went to Tim Hortons, got myself an iced cap and 6 donuts (intending to share!) and went home. I ate 2 donuts drank my drink and then JOGGED with Daisy to hubby's ball game. I was feeling great! Plus I wanted to show off and look all amazing and brag. After the first game it was freezing so I drove home to put more clothes on (that weren't sweaty) and crashed on the couch for an hour! Drove back and the game was done. oops. But then the team came over and just watched tv at my house for a few hours. So I couldn't really sleep and I couldn't really clean up, so it just kinda wasted the day. What I should have done is stretch, I'm stiff now. Did a bit of cleaning last night at least. Tried to go to bed early but I couldn't fall asleep for some reason. And I was TIRED.
Oh, maybe it was the other 2 donuts I ate over the course of the day. Or maybe the full fat greek yogurt I was chowing on. Or the chip bowl that I polished off. Or the complete lack of vegetables all day. It wasn't pretty and I'm up 1 lb this morning as a result. But hopefully no permanent damage.
I came up with a little rule for myself, I can eat like an asshole (see above) only if I've run 10kms that day. If I want a donut, I gotta hit the road. Oh and hopefully I don't take that asshole part so far next time. Not good.
But yes the race was good. And I am really happy with my time and how strong I finished. Maybe next time I'll line up closer to the end where it's maybe less crowded. We'll see.
Tonight is TT. May not do intervals. Aren't you supposed to not have hard runs for awhile? See how I feel. Watching the eats as well.
Friday, June 6, 2008
So guys I'm only 5 lbs away from my goal! (of course I'm just going to reassess when I get there). My big time goal where I said I'd treat myself with a full lulu outfit. Just 5 lbs (and 0.6).
I sort of got nervous for maintaining today though. Not really. I know I can do it, (I've done it since September right?). the problem is I realized I'm going to have to be this strict with myself forever to maintain. Harsh. I've been maintaining, when I was trying to lose. So I have to do the same amount of work - indefinately. Not so bad I suppose. It's not like i'm eating things I dont' like or anything. And I will let myself have weekly or so cheats. I guess it's not so bad. I do like the working out thing.
It's funny how the past week it's just clicked what I have to do to actually start LOSING again. Oh yeah, stop eating after an appropriate amount of food. Not when you usually stop eating. Do not eat the candy on the cupboard (it's not there for the last couple weeks anyway, ha!). Leave the mini muffins in the freezer, any you take out you'll eat. Eat watermelon nonstop!
Fibre has been my friend lately as well I think. Fibre helps keep you full longer so drinking my tea with benefibre nonstop has definately helped.
I'm just rambling because I don't want to work. It's friday! But I know I'm going to bill today for this memo so I want to have something to show for it.
Yeah my supper last night left me wanting more, but I distracted myself with some green tea and scrapbooking and yard work. I also have a couple magazines that I feel very hypocritical to eat while reading (Oxygen and Women's Health).
This morning I'm having a protein shake with almost 2 cups of berries. SO good. It's basically pureed fruit. Trying to spread it out over breakfast and snack. Then lunch is a pita with basically a greek salad and leftover steak in it. Cantaloup, strawberries, carrots, yogurt, turkey slices, and an apple. May not need it all. Supper is just me again so I don't know what I'm gonna have. Probably something like cereal or toast. I love breakfast foods. Tomorrow for supper I WILL have some kind of starchy carb, maybe like spaghetti, just because of my race. I didn't train enough to know exactly what foods work with me so I can't just "do what I did in training" because I didn't really do anything.
Also gonna skip the TT today. I'm so torn about this, but I just don't think it's smart to do 2 days before a race. I dunno. Or maybe I'll do the weights but not the HIIT. Or who knows!
Last night I did go for a run before supper. It was just about 20 minutes, medium paced. Focused on the tunes, and boy do I need to update them! Probably do that tonight.
Weather is supposed to be cool and rainy all weekend. Which kinda sucks because since there's the big tournament and stuff in town I was going to parade about it tube tops etc and look hot. Oh well, lots of time for that. Actually hubby was talking to some of the neighbours (ones we've never really met yet) and they were like "so is that your wife who goes jogging all the time?" and he's like "yeah she likes to jog" and they were like "is it cool if we say that she's hot?" and hubby was like "yeah". He told me this story this morning and I said, "yeah, they're right!"
Hubby also has been working out at work some more again. He only has 30 minutes so he just does like 10 minutes on a bike, some bench presses and something on the bowflex and stretches a bit and goes back to work. I've tried to tell him about intervals and fully body exercises but he basically said he doesn 't want to look like an idiot so has to do tough guy stuff. Oh well, better than nothing. He's also back under 180 again which is good. (he's only 5'4 though). He said he attributes it to cutting back on the beer, "and not eating!" because he's too busy at work in the summer, and then often misses supper for ball and just eats a snack after. I could not handle it. I think he's getting better at what he's eating though. Less chocolate bars and more applesauce things or fruit things. Yes packaged all the way, but baby steps folks.
Anyway, gotta try and get some work wrapped up for the weekend. Hope you all have a good one!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
I did really good on the eats today too:
- kashi go lean crunch with 1/2 a banana - that is a big deal for me, I've never left half a banana. I'd say bananas are my favorite food, maybe second to cookies.
- morning snack - 2 slices of lean chicken breast (like sandwich meat)
- lunch - more chick pea curry, 1/3 of a cantaloup melon, 1 cup strawberries
- afternoon snack - veggies and spicy hummus (I didn't realize that the crushed red pepper would make it get hotter with time, it's almost unbearable now!)
- supper will be polynasian satay (which is the yummiest thing I cook, it's a beef slow cooker dish that is so easy it's dumb, basically just like a teriyaki sauce, soy sauce and brown sugar and garlic.) I think I'll also cook up some green beans. No starch for me, maybe rice for hubby. I just don't miss it enough to need it.
- dessert - other half of my banana. Like the way that worked out! Maybe with cinnamon, no peanut butter though!
then if I feel snacky I'll just drink green tea or something. I find that if I have just 1 strict day, low cal, low starchy carb (my version of low carb at least, I still go nuts on the fruit etc, just not much bread etc) I feel thinner and the scale usually shows me that too. And if the scale shows it, then I'm motivated a little more for another couple days.
I guess this weekend is the local ball tournament (we live in a small town outside the city, so we get to do a lot of the small town things) and hubby has to work saturday, I don't play ball, but our house gets to be head quarters for our team. So that will mean a barbeque with burgers and chips and so on, but I'm not really gonna be home for much of that I'm hoping. All the same, any extra motivation through the weekend will help.
Oh yeah, I've got my 10 k this weekend right? And for a reward (since I like to do that still for races, it's not like I race every day.) Depending what's at the post race snack thing, I'm gonna stick to just that stuff, but I can have whatever I want there (granola bars, gummy bears, trail mix, juice boxes are common sights). And if it's hot out I can get an iced cap too.
Anyway - what am I still doing here! It's home time!
today I stepped on the scale and saw a new low - 136.2. That 135 is just taunting me! oh well, it's coming, slowly but surely. I usually weigh on thursday and friday and take the lower, sometimes it's high because of weights on wed. Anyway we'll see. I'm gonna try and have a light day, just to trick my body into giving me that new number. I know I'm not really gonna lose any serious fat in one day, but maybe just less food in my stomach can trick the scale. And if I trick the scale it may trick my mind. Not that it really matters of course. And I'm not going to do anything silly like not eat or whatever. But just watch it a little more closely today. We'll see. It may be up too. I know all week I've been seeing like 138 or 139 so I was actually suprised by the 136. TOM bloat disappearing too I guess.
I did not do yoga last night as I decided to do my HIIT anyway. Did the TT weights. It's only been 2 weeks but I'm going to switch to a new program already. I've got tons of them (diff tt workouts) available and they suggest switching it up every 4 weeks. But i'm gonna do 2 weeks just because my body really adapts quickly to things. Plus i'm not upping the weight like I think I should be (if I were in a gym it would help, but I've gotta switch too many plates etc). I might do another strength thing tonight because I don't want to do one fri, or sat because sunday is my 10k. I guess if I'm feeling up to it I can do one sunday night. But I doubt it.
For some reason even though my TT workouts only take 1 hour, 3 times a week. I'm finding that all I'm doing in the evenings is workout. Maybe just because it happens from 7 until 8 and then after 8:00 I feel like I can't start anything because it's almost bedtime. Plus i've been doing a lot of house cleaning, trying to get organized again and on top of dishes and laundry etc. Last night I cleaned the basement a little bit (where we have a million half packed boxes still from our move, waiting to be gone through and given away/chucked or else waiting for the basement to be finished and put away (like decorative things for the basement, or stuff for the bar or storage room like sports equiptment). I got rid of a few boxes of stuff and just stacked everything better so it's not an obsticle course.
I think part of the reason it seems to take up so much time is because I do it every night. On my off TT nights I still run or whatever. And my off days are happening friday saturday sunday when there's other things going on and I don't just relax. Well not quite true, I have been workout out on the weekend, they've just been races or long runs and for some reason I'm not counting them. Gonna change that. plus there's no reason I can't workout friday. I rarely have plans on friday night and end up just watching tv (me=loser?). So I think I'm going to try and take a tuesday or thursday off each week just to scrapbook or garden or something. Things that don't happen on my weekend days off. Just not watching tv (nothing's on anyway that's any good).
So I don't know what that means for today. Whether i'm gonna run or not. ANOTHER problem is that i'm doing intervals or hard workouts every workout. If I do run today, there will be no intervals, just a nice fun run. And short. No goals (I always try and go at least 30 minutes or at least 5k or at least 4 intervals or at least such a pace.) this one is opposite, less than 30 minutes, no fast pace, less than 5k, no intervals. If I do that as soon as I get home today before supper I'll still have all night to chill.
Interesting HR thing. I was definately very tired on my fast parts, but my HR was nearly as high during my cool down run which felt very easy. I think on the fast parts, my HR was accelerating and building up, but then the interval was done so could come back down. I was all our sprinting so unless I do something harder than running (maybe more full body?) my HR won't get higher in such a short time. But you can see a bit of a heart rate drift happening by the end huh? Everything's just a bit higher each time. So interesting.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
So yesterday as I mentioned I did my "bonus" run. A just for fun run. It was only 25 minutes, almost 5k. Various intervals I'll look at later. I did it right when I got home from work before supper. Worked well. Then supper was some barbeque short ribs, the ones from the PC ads actually, the korean barbeque ones. Really good. I like short ribs, lean for ribs, cook quickly. Plus I had some steamed broccoli and 1 spoonful of sidekicks (hubby likes them, I can't stand them). I also had a banana and watermelon for "dessert". Should have left off the banana in retrospect.
Spent the rest of the night cleaning up. Lots of laundry. I got a garbage bag of clothes out of my closet and drawers to give away. Stuff that doesn't fit from last summer (too big, woohoo!) or I just never wear. Plus I keep buying new clothes (just tshirts etc) so I feel like I should get rid of just as many things.
Today I had a great protein smoothie for breakfast. I've had cereal and fruit the last couple days and i just can't get food off of my mind. So the protein helped keep me full longer. Still ate my yogurt in the morning, but wasn't counting the minutes before it. Then for lunch I went to the university and ate with my sister. I had some more leftover curry and veggies and hummus. Sis gave me a cookie, I tried to have 1 bite and give it back but she said have it all, I just put it in my bag. Save it for friday I think (it's about 1/2 a cookie because she ate a bite too, weird to save 1/2 a cookie, but we're aiming for perfection right!!). But then I was unperfect moments later when I had a chocolate milk iced cap from tim hortons. I had planned on this when I was going to campus, but unfortunately didn't really eat less food and make room for it. Just looked and it was only 160 calories, so not terrible at all I guess.
Ha! Just got a call and my dad's in town and he's gonna pick me up for coffee now! I think I'll just come for a visit with my own crystal light or a diet coke. No need for 2 iced caps in 1 day! especially for a non coffee drinker! I'll be up all night!
Anyway, the plan for tonight is a TT workout. May not get the intervals in if it's raining. Might try and do some stretching/yoga since I've been stiff lately. Actually I still feel monday's TT workout in the legs and butt so that's nice. I love being sore.
But it's just weird that it showed me at 95% of basically what should be my maximum exertion, and I still felt pretty good. Like I had more in the tank (and more than just 5%) I wasn't sprinting my fastest or anything. And on the slower regular running parts, my heart rate only went down to like 85% (164 BPM). And I felt like it was maybe a 6 or 7/10. I've heard workouts and stuff where the max you're supposed to get to is like 85%.
But like I said last time, need more data! Then I can possibly calibrate my sensor so I know the RPE for each HR% and vice versa.
oh also, I checked out the macmillan running calculator or whatever to see how fast I should be running my 10K this weekend in, based on my 5k performance....49:39. I can tell you that a sub 50 minutes is not going to happen! I'm guessing that the tri run wasn't a full 5K. I didn't wear my Garmin for it (my transitions were already slow!) so I can't check. But still very cool.
Edit - I just found my "resting" heart rate. It's approximately 54 bpm (that would not be sleeping, that would be sitting at my desk). Which according to this site is the lowest for a female athlete. (the lower the more in shape I believe). So that's good. But what a wild range I've got!!! And according to this site my max heart rate is anywhere from 188-195. So my 194 is appropriate. So based on my extensive expertise in fitness training and heart rate monitoring, I think that getting up to a really high heart rate, but still having a low resting heart rate, means I'm super awesome. Athletic wise that is. Objections?
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
I also cooked up a big pot of curry (with the mix I picked up at the farmer's market) that needed 4 cans of chickpeas (so big pot!) while I was doing my weight workout! You do one set of exercises and then rest 1 minute so I would stir it then. So 2 birds with one stone, made about 8 lunches worth of curry AND got my weight workout in. And everything was just clicking for the TT workout. It just felt great, made the appropriate muscles sore.
My Garmin battery was dead so I was ticked I couldn't use it on my intervals. I did 'em anyway. Sprint 1 minute, and then walk for 2 minutes. I gotta admit the sprints were harder, but the overall workout didn't feel as hard. I think maybe I'm more advanced than the 1:2 workout. Maybe 60:90 seconds? I dunno.
Then watched hubby's ball. and home and bed. Though I am not getting enough sleep (went to bed at 10:00, woke up at 7, still exhausted.) Bed early today. workout plan is just a regular jog or something. nothing fancy. Food is marinated short ribs and a salad.
Oh yesterday I also made some hummus that is really good. I added some crushed red peppers and roasted red peppers so it's kinda spicy. Really good. brought some with veggies for snack.
anyway, kinda boring post. but that's what you get when everything's going good so I guess I wouldn't change it!
Monday, June 2, 2008
1. Compete in 10K race June 8th!
2. After June 8th, focus on TT, except for weekly long runs (for the next 10K on July 1st!)
3. Keep up only 3 cheats/bad foods per week. (in case you were wondering mine were the too big sub on friday, treats at the farmer's market with my sister, and supper at A&W as post race victory, perhaps the post race jelly beans should count but I'm counting them as refueling from a race and separate.)
4. Eat organized meals. Now that SIL is gone, I have to get back into the practice of prepping big meals on weekend for lunches and just square meals for supper.
Results I wanna see?
1. run 1st 10K race, sub 1 hour time. Not too tough of a goal, but I might be running with my friend and don't need to compete with her. Second race will have a better goal.
2. Lose 1 inch from abs. This probably corresponds to losing 5 lbs? I just made that up. If I get either of those goals that's good. though both eventually is what I want.
3. Look good in new bikini!!! Which will be worn at the end of the month in the hot tub at in-laws with all our friends for Hogfest. This will also correspond to looking good in some short shorts and tube tops or something which I will also wear.
Reward for getting under 135 lbs, SHOPPING!!!
Month in numbers, I want:
12 HIIT sessions
12 Strength sessions
4 long runs
8 other workouts - swims, bikes, other jogs etc.
10 meals of a salad/veggie main course
Gonna print that out on a calendar I think. I like the idea of just crossing them off one by one. I think it will help.
Gotta say, I'm glad this tri business is over. I don't have to force myself on the bike or to the pool anymore. Not enjoying the swims and bikes by the end.