Wednesday, June 11, 2008

some drama

well since I feel like it I'm gonna bitch a little. It's my blog right? I can be unreasonable on here.

So there was some drama at our house on saturday. Remember the ball tournament that neither hubby nor I were playing in, but our house was head quarters for the team? Hubby was at work, so I had to "entertain" his friends on saturday. Not that big of a deal, they were pretty self sufficient. The guys all had their pocket bikes (mini motorcycles. I think they look dumb, but it's the new cool thing going around that circle).

So they were ripping up and down our crescent Saturday afternoon on these things. They can go pretty fast, but we don't have any traffic really. Anyway, they're noisy like motorbikes right? But it is saturday at 3:00 in the afternoon, no big deal? And yes they were drinking while riding these things. And wiping out and jumping over potholes on the street. (can you tell where this is going?)

So the cops show up because of a complaint from one of our neighbours. I'm like "thank god hubby's not home." I'm inside with the girls, just chilling. So the cops tell them they're illegal vehicles on the road and whatever, no tickets (which would have been $550 each!) but they have to pack it in. The cops were really cool about it. (The cops even drove by earlier and just smiled, but since there was a complaint they had to stop it).

So somehow the guys figured out who made the complaint (the cops stopped and talked to a guy cutting his grass before and after coming over or something). So everyone was all pissed off (the way guys drinking beer get pissed off) and bitching about what a dink the neighbour was.

Meanwhile I'm completely on this guy's side, because if I had kids or anything I'd be worried about these half cut idiots waking them up from naps, and it was a nice day but the kids couldn't bike on the street without probably getting hit. Not to mention the way they were wiping out and drinking (though not really drunk, just being dumb) you'd think they'd crash into houses or something. And it was noisy (like lawn mower noisy, but it was going on from 1 until 4 or so.) Not to mention they are illegal on the street. So this guy has all these valid reasons. And after everyone came inside (to bitch) all these little kids went outside on their trikes and bikes and were playing.

All the guys were saying how all the neighbours were cool with it because they were standing at watching in their driveway and wanting a turn and whatever. Sure, there were 2 houses that did that, and a bunch of people looking out their window. That doesn't mean they want you doing that. Maybe they were waiting for you to finish to do something of their own!

Oh and then hubby comes home from work and goes and talks to this neighbour and asks why he called the cops and is a big jerk (in my opinion, hubby that is). The guy denies it but then does say how he was annoyed by it or whatever. Which he has a complete right to be! anyway, hubby comes home and calls the town about the guys deck which he thinks they maybe didn't get a permit for and a shed they're building or something and that they guy parks with his vehicle over the sidewalk or something. Basically "gets him back" and is a jerk.

Hubby's main point was that the guy should have come over and just asked them to stop rather than call the cops, because it could have been huge fines and tickets and since they were technically drinking and driving maybe loss of license and so on. But I know that there's no way I'd have the guts to walk down the street and ask 6 drunk guys to stop having fun. I would have probably done the same thing and called the cops!

But I cannot explain this to hubby. And the dumb thing is that he wasn't even there! It had nothing to do with him! But he feels like he needs revenge and is acting all immature.

I tried to explain to him how he's just being mean but he said he knows and of course I'm right, (I always am right, rational, calm, good. Don't get worked up about anything) but couldn't he just be immature and get him back and can't I just be on his side or something?


I do get how it would be horrible to be married to me because I truly am always "right". That's my whole existance in life is striving to do what's right and good and best (for my health, with my money, in relationships, spiritually, emotionally etc). it's not a bad thing. But for a "normal" person who is more feeling driven and has higher highs and lower lows and is more emotional that way, I can see it totally sucking. I basically have no "passion" and am more "rational" and hubby's opposite. But it doesn't mean he's right to get revenge!

That's something that hubby ALWAYS tries to do. He's all about keeping score and payback and everything. Even with me. If I don't answer my cell phone or something, he won't answer his, and then when we finally talk he'll be like "see? how's that feel?" (not a true example but typical). Every time we have an argument he brings up all the stuff he has done good and all the stuff i've done bad and claims I give him no credit. Even when I'm just asking him to replace toilet paper rolls (has nothing to do with taking care of the cars and oil changes, but he'll bring it up!)

He does it with his friends and strangers and stuff too (like this cop thing). He never just decides to be the bigger person and forgive and let go. I absolutely hate it. But I can't make him change it. I don't know what to do since I don't like HIM when he's like that (not just the behavior, but him ya know?)

Anyway, we fought about that a little last night. We were going to have sex (since he's busy for the rest of the week and hates when I point out how long it's been, yeah there's another relationship problem, don't get me started) but instead he went out to the garage and I read in bed for awhile then fell asleep. He fell asleep on the couch (which I think he does on purpose so he can doesn't have to deal with me).

Anyway there's my vent. That's part of the reason hubby's felt "off" lately because he wants to get back at that guy but can't really. He always feels things so personally. anyway, just to share. You don't need to fix it for me because I don't think you can.

I'll post a more awesome post later.


Angie All The Way said...

Well that definitely puts more insight into the whole being "off" issue.

If it were me, I would have probably lost my head at anyone who thought that drinking and driving any kind of vehicle that could possible harm someone was fun and especially if they were going to be associated with me and in my neighbourhood. But, this is coming from a girl who was slammed head-on by a drunk driver going 110km/hr. It might seem like it's not a big deal on pocket bikes, but to me, it's the principle of the tolerance of the behaviour I can't handle. And even if it was "harmless" drinking or whatever, monopolizing 3 hours of a saturday afternoon on a street that kids want to play in is enough reason to call it a day. I wouldn't want my kids out if it was dangerous either.

Opposites attract which is good because it brings balance to a relationship, but it's definitely a source of conflict too. I feel that at home all the time. We are two opposites and I always feel like I'm trying to "improve" him in this area or that (i.e. putting his friggin cups and plates where they belong and putting garbage in the garbage can etc. - yeah what a concept eh). I guess the most important thing to do is to clear the air every time there's a conflict so that things don't build up and cause resentment. Resentment is a really hard thing to get passed - even if you don't realize it's happening. But at the same time it's so hard to talk things out when two people have two totally different approaches and perspectives on things. No one wants to concede to the other's point of view because it's almost like your personalities represent a certain point of view. Maybe it will take some give from you from your "rightousness" sometimes even if maybe you are right. And I'm not talking big deal issues, but ones that really don't matter in the grand scheme.

I don't know if my speel is any help or not, but at least you know I think you're right! :-P

tash said...

I think you are right too :) And I'm not going to say anymore because it is one thing for you to vent about someone you love and it's another thing for me to say anything.

sherijung said...

Sometimes it just takes men longer to finish growing up, you know?

Jen said...

WOW! I definitely think the guy was well within his rights to call the cops (whoever did if it wasn't THAT neighbour)...I agree with Angie, if it's a place where MY kids were going to play during the safest time of day, then damn straight I would, I would probably call any other time too because I find those friggin things REALLY annoying!!!

And all I can do is speak from experience on your husband felt like he lived in my shadow for a while...even though he is more accomplished than I am (he has a university degree...I have "dabbled" - will probably not end up with a Bachelors degree for a LONG time) anyway, but I am more outgoing, outspoken and sometimes more mature than he is...he is better with money, but when it comes to dealing with people, they get me...and I think he just felt like he was the sidekick for a while...BUT that's kind of where my advice ends...Danny just learned on his own...I am constantly telling him how smart he is and other stuff, and I started letting him handle things like our mortgage and repairs and what not...and I think he just found his me it seems like your husband feels like he is trying to live up to you...especially if he keeps bringing up examples or "keeping score"...I am usually the right one in the relationship (no point hiding that one) but I do say when I am wrong (I don't know if you do, I am just saying) and I think Danny really appreciates when I do. (but I also try to keep it light so I don't get pouty...I don't LIKE being wrong)...

Good luck with it all's a tough situation!!!

ashley said...

The hubby-issues sound really tough (and frustrating!). I don't have any advice, but thanks for sharing. Your vent was heard!

Anonymous said...

I think it is ridiculous that the cops were called. I'm sure that if the neighbour had of come over and voiced his concern you would have stopped. But the cops being called??? That is just rude. I am on hubby's side.