Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I feel good - or not...

No i'm not singing for you. I just feel good. Things are good. I feel skinny today. Wearing one of my flattering outfits (just a black stretch polo and jeans with a yoga coat). Peaking at the scale was mildly pleasant. Got a lot of energy, excited for my step class tonight. Work is pretty casual and I'm able to work on my thesis.
Though just bringing up thesis makes me down. Ugh why aren't I done this thing yet? Oh yeah, because I don't work on it.
Also, had a rather mixed night last night. Gonna hold the feel good thing though, so here's a quick rundown.
Got home made hotdogs and burgers, waited for hubby to get home, snacking on some skinny chips (bad). But then he gets home and doesn't eat anyway, goes straight to work on the shed. ok so I have 1 hotdog. fine. I watch my Corner Gas while eating. fine. Then I go for a run with my dog, do the longer run but no intervals. fine. Come home, clean up a bit, watch tv a bit, ate some potatoes. fine. Hubby goes to his cousin's just to pick something up probably have 1 drink and come home. fine. So I entertain the dog myself, keep her away from SIL and her bf and make sure she goes out to pee. It's like babysitting. Constantly, can hardly read my magazine. Whatever. fine. Finally go to bed, leave the dog in, she can sleep with me until hubby gets home, she doesn't sleep. fine, in the kennel. (hubby's been gone 2.5 hours now) oh I should mention i was trying to do laundry but hubby's got ALL the baskets full with his clothes he has to put away (we do our own clothes, HE wanted it that way cause I "do it wrong") so I can't really do anything unless I carry it upstairs in my bare arms or something and leave a path of socks and undies. fine. I don't do it. Then I'm trying to sleep at 10:30 (after I put the dog in the kennel) and I hear SIL in bed - AGAIN! Sheesh! I assume they thought I was asleep. For some reason, and I'm gonna blame TOM, this made me angry. Then the phone rings and it's SIL's DAD wanting to talk to her, I stand at the end of the hallway and call her name, no answer so I just tell her dad she's asleep already. So now I'm even more ANGRY that I lied to her dad to cover for her (it's not her fault for having sex, not sure why i'm mad at her for it) but then I told my hubby about hearing them before and he was like "whatever, it was the washing machine" and since he wasn't home yet I was sure he'd come home and hear them. And then he never and that made me angry again. (?) and now it's 11:30 and he finally comes home (I've been in bed for 1.5 hours and am still not asleep so I'm angry at that too) and SIL and her bf get out of bed and go talk to him and they all hang out in the kitchen visiting and eating and I'm trying to sleep but can't and they wake the dog up and she wimpers and they just tell her to be quiet like they didn't wake her up to begin with. (ok that feeling good is going away...) and then hubby finally comes to bed at midnight and hugs me and I'm sorta cold about it and planning on giving him the silent treatment for about a week ("if he doesn't want to spend time with me then I really won't spend time with him") and he's like what and I'm like "I'm trying to sleep" and so he rolls over and falls asleep instantly. Grrr... This mornign I told him I was annoyed at him because he said he'd be probably an hour and then wasn't home all night. and just because somebody offers you a drink doesn't mean you have to have one. You're a grown up, you can say no thank you I have to go. All in all it's not a big deal if he wants to go drinking at his cousin's place all night. I don't know why I got so mad at him for it (probably because I went through some stuff with out him). also TOM probably. extra irritable. I told him before that when I pictured us being married I didn't picture making supper by myself, eating by myself, cleaning up by myself, walking the dog by myself. heck even watching tv by myself! EVERY NIGHT! what does he say, "maybe if you had friends to hang out with, or some hobbies or a life." I was so mad that day! But nothing's changed since then, I still wanna spend time with him and he still thinks that's dumb and I need a life. "hang out with your sister" he says.
ok I'm going back to that happy place. the place where I feel like you don't need a man, and I'm a happy person pretending I'm single or something. And bodywise and energy wise and everything else wise. I do feel good. Just marriage-wise I'm not great. And to even mention it to hubby makes him get mad at me. so i'm going to pretend we're just roomates until TOM passes and the shed's built and he has some time for me again and I can talk to him about this.
sorry, I know this isn't supposed to be about marriage problems. grr...
Tonight is my step class. hurray. Then tomorrow night I'll hopefully get another jog in with Daisy. A walk at least, maybe I'll try and do a yoga tape too. Oh wait. No I won't. That's what's going on thursday! Good tv night! I'll hopefully take the dog for a quick jog and then hop on the elliptical and watch tv all night. woohoo!
Today for lunch I went out to a vietnamese place. Nice and cheap. I'm not really sure how great my food choices were. I don't know much about vietnamese food. I had a spring roll which I'm sure was super bad as it was kinda greasy and deep fried. but the stir fry I had was good. Not greasy or slimy like chinese buffet or whatever. I had it on noodles and they looked like vermicelli. If it was the kind I'm hoping then that's no problem because it's made of beans and has like 15 calories per cup. But it was probably pasta based or rice noodles or something and they're much worse. Luckily I didn't eat even half of them. Mostly just the veggies and chicken. I only packed honeydew melon which I ate for morning snack (as well as some nuts before cause I was starving on the way over). And I've got a protein yogurt for afternoon snack in about 20 minutes. (man the day flies when you get there late, read blogs all morning, go for an hour 40 minute lunch, then write up your own blog all afternoon! hehe) After work I'm gonna hit the mall to pickup hubbies goal pads and then drop some stuff off at my SIL's (does that get confusing for you readers and I've got so many SILs?) Hopefully getting home, eating quick, continuing with the magazine reading husband ignoring (not that he'll notice) and then get to class. In fact hubby will probably go out for wings tonight (every wed) then thurs he's got hockey. So I go a full week without seeing him if I didn't go looking for him.
My cough has been acting up. well my cold has turned into a cough. Is that the last stage of a cold? I haven't had one in such a long time I can't remember. Sore throat, then full out everything, then runny nose, then cough then done? somethign like that. hopefully it's almost done. I don't like this cough thing. Do you ever get that feeling that you have to cough but you don't want to, just a little tickle, and then when you don't cough you feel like you're maybe choking or something? I get that a lot. like when you swallow something wrong and water isn't helping and you just keep coughing and coughing but you're out with other people so you don't want to look like an idiot and pretend you've got it but it still feels the same and you're dying! I feel like that all the time with this cough.
Sorry for the stupid post all. I promise tomorrow will be much more upbeat (it started so good too...) If nothing else I'll post about my step class.
anybody know any info on vietnamese food? It doesn't really matter, I can just feel bad about lunch or not. won't change anything.


Cory said...

Sorry to hear about the hubby issues. I've had similar issues with mine, so I do know how you feel. (And PMS makes it worse!)
Glad to hear you're feeling good otherwise though.

ThickChick said...

Hi Randi,

I'm sorry to hear about your marital problems, that surely doesn't help you feel awesome, especially when you've got PMS.

I realize I haven't been reading your blog very long, but I think you've got a lot to be impressed with yourself about (hello, you're writing your thesis?!), you seem enthusiastic and positive, and you're making fantastic changes in your life to be healthier.

I hope you're able to get through this frustrating time with minimal heartache.

CaRoLyN said...

Sorry to hear that marital bliss isn't so blissful right now. I guess every couple has a different dynamic. Hopefully you'll get the chance to tell hubby that your dynamic just isn't working for you right now and that you need to spend more time with him. Every couple needs time together. Maybe you guys can plan a weekend away alone together? I find that always helps me and hubby when things get a little too routine. Hopefully you guys are just going through a funk and he'll come out of it and realize what an awesome catch you are!!

I definitely think the cough is the last stage of the dredded cold. You're almost there, hang on!