Monday, July 28, 2008


Does anybody else ready things like my title differently, like sound it all out when the letters are like that? and end up trying to pronounce "dddd"? Just me?

Yes it was the weekend. It was fun. but a little too much in just a short time for me. Friday after work we had a work bbq. Good, awkward out of office interaction. It wasn't too bad. Ate a burger and tons of veggies. then she brought out drumstick cake and I had a piece. no reason either. it was very good. but I just wasn't feeling the motivation or anything to say no. Then went home and visited with the SIL and family for another few hours. Ate a smore. again, just losing that motivation (just wait...) Feeling good with the scale so I get slack.

Right, stayed up late-ish (midnight) friday. Up at about 9:00. just hung out until my hair appt. Got it chopped, loved it. you saw it. Then drove to hubby's work for lunch with him. Picked up a wrap with no cheese and just mustard. I don't waste calories on things I don't even care about. He had pizza for lunch. we were both happy. Got home, got dressed for the wedding (wore the same black and pink dress as last time, you saw it, I looked the same, but with different hair). I bawled like I've never cried at a wedding before (didn't cry at mine at all, but this was hubby's cousin, the most confirmed lifelong bachelor you'll ever see, really nice, but very fussy and unrealistic with women.) but he was just staring at his bride the whole time, during all the mass parts, songs, everything, didn't take his eyes off her. I was a mess.

then we hung out in the hotel for a few hours, played with neices and nephew. Then went for the supper and speeches. This was the funniest wedding I've ever seen. this cousin is super funny, and all his friends are very hilarious and even hubby went and talked and was hilarious. It was weird too because I guess his wife's family is very religious (as in she had to hide the fact that she went to play bingo with her inlaws from them, swearing is a no no, as far as they knew she was an innocent maiden on her wedding night right?) but somehow this whole thing was still so funny. I guess some of the stuff was probably shocking to the in-laws, like the story told about the groom getting arrested in australia. anyway. it rivals my wedding as the best wedding ever (though mine of course wins, but just a little).

Then I did eat a slice of cheesecake for dessert, and a wedding cupcake. Again, no motivation or self-control around amazing food (groom's a chef, so it was amazing).

Though I think I probably danced all those calories away. I pulled out the dance-like-an-idiot-so-people-assume-you're-doing-it-on-purpose-and-can't-tell-you-suck card. Plus it's the most fun card there is. When we told people later that I was driving us home, they were like "you can't drive! call a cab!" but I hadn't had a thing all night.

Which leads us to the big big big big downer of the weekend. an irrational, drunk fight with hubby on the way home. we're still not speaking. I wish I could tell you what the fight was about, but I think that it was actually about me asking him what it was about. he was pretty hooped so I should have just let him sleep, but I wanted to talk so I wouldn't be bored driving. and then hell broke loose and we were screaming at each other, he slept on the couch and I don't know why. I would have appologized by now, but I am still really hurt at the way he was talking to me when we were fighting. He's a really really bad fighter to begin with, but add drunk to that, and all fair fighting goes out the window. He was calling me names and just being really hurtful and I called him on it. I told him that you can't speak to people you love like that. but he just went off about something else. Eventually I went to bed.

sunday we were supposed to go to the gift opening get together and bring SILs dog for her (to save her a trip). So I woke up early and played on my computer for a few hours. just went about my day. hubby eventually got up and showered and got ready to go then just told me he was leaving. And I was still in my pjs. So I said, fine, I didn't want to go anywhere with him. but he got in the car and started honking at me. I went out and was like "go!" but he said I wasn't going for him, but for the family (and so he didn't have to explain where I was). whatever I went.

It was actually a really nice time, hubby stayed far far away from me and I just hung out with his family and aunts and stuff. Not sure if it was the stress or just the amazing food (I don't usually stress eat, stress starve more like) but I while I ate healthy stuff (buns and meat, not chips etc) I didn't pay attention to carbs vs protein or stopping when full. (just so you know the damage was minimal, this morning showed up 0.8 lbs from friday. I'm sure I'll have it gone by friday. problem is, it won't likely take any friends with it).

So finally time to go after supper from this. And the rest of the inlaws are going to the zoo. The zoo is pitiful in Saskatoon, the honestly have groundhog and gopher displays. Plus we're going to Calgary zoo in a few weeks. PLUS we had the dog with us and she'd have to stay in the car. AND I didn't want to be anywhere with hubby and pretend things are fine. (and I had enough visiting with the in-laws you know?) So I said I didn't really want to go, but just left it at that, if hubby wanted to he could convince me, or whatever. But instead he drove me home (20 minutes) and then went back himself (30 minutes at least to the zoo). I had a nap, cleaned the house a bit and went to bed right when he came home. But of course I couldn't sleep cause I was listening to see if he was coming in to talk. (plus we had a huge storm, a tornado touched down nearby too). So I'm tossing and turning and he comes in the room and proceeds to put his laundry away. Now I really can't sleep. So I get up and go in the spare room and crash.

This morning I heard the alarm go off, got up and went pee, then I have an hour before Ihave to get up so I went back to bed, expecting to get up when I heard the door slam from hubby to go to work. But he didn't slam it. The phone rang at 7:30 and it was hubby saying that he knew I didn't have an alarm set so was making sure I was up. I said thank you. So things might be on the mend. I just don't want to make the first move. I know I did nothing wrong. It was just his drunk state that messed things up.

you can skip this if you want.

(what he did think we were fighting about was EVERYTHING. I started by saying how his uncles were kinda creeping on me a little, as in boob grazes when dancing and extra tight hugs. He's like, yeah, they're just old pervs really, thanks for not making a big deal about it. And I thought that was a weird reaction from a husband. so I sort of said, he shouldn't just be "ok with it", not that I wanted him to make a big deal and punch his uncle, but he shouldn't just be like "it's fine". And the same thing with his BIL creeping on me, he does the whole "how you doing?" thing (I've talked about him before, gave me money for something naughty for my birthday) Last night he commented on my cleavage in a picture and I laughed it off like "oh sometimes you can't help it!" and he got the camera out again and was like "oh really, show me how you can't help it" and I just zipped up my sweater and stuck out my tongue to him. I laugh these things off because maybe eventually he'll get the hint that i'm not playing along and just shutting him down, and I don't want to make a scene or issue as he's family right? So I do understand hubby's thinking, "thanks for not making a big deal out of it" but I just don't expect him to be like "oh it's cool, it's just how they are". Feels like he's sharing me then. I think a sober hubby would get this. But drunk hubby thought I wanted him to punch his BIL and his uncles. But an hour later when I asked what he was mad at me for it was because I always have to be right whether it's "being skinny, or not drinking, or working out" or whatever other things he shouted. So obviously he's got some resentment about other things in there too. That sort of hurts my feelings that he's mad at me for not drinking or for being thin and healthy. I can see how it might make him feel bad about himself, but it's his own shit doing that, not me. I just mention how good I feel, or how I lost a pound or whatever. and as my husband I think he should be happy for me for doing things that make me happy. But he's immature about it and thinks we're competing and I'm winning or something. We'll see how this all washes out when we speak again. He's got ball tonight so we probably won't see each other tonight [I'm gonna do my intervals and then go home and scrapbook, I leave in a week and have a lot to do before SILs shower in september] Then tomorrow night i'm hitting the gym for an hour before coming home and probably buying groceries too. So it might be like 8:00 tuesday before this gets worked out)

Well that hopefully will leave me lots of time to refocus on my weight loss. as I said, I'm gone in a week for work for 2 weeks, then we go on a holiday for a week. eating and exercising during those 3 weeks will be almost out of my control (I'll do my best of course). It'll be good to go in with a headstart.


Anonymous said...

From reading your blog, it really does show that you DO need to be right, think you always are and that need to be the queen bee.

Grow up a little and learn to compromise on the little things. You would come across as a much nicer person.

tash said...

I think you are a super nicer person and you have a great sense of humour, especially about yourself.

I can't believe someone who was immature enough to post as "anonymous" would actually tell you to grow up. Too funny.

spunkysuzi said...

Honestly i live with a husband who has issues and it is difficult at times! Your doing awesome and you are a nice person and i love reading your blog.
Don't let anonymous bug you!!

marie said...

I had an anonymous commenter like that once...

I wonder if it's her.

I think you come across as nice and people think I'm a super bitch :)

Melanie said...

Wow. Don't let the anonymous person get to you. Nice reply to him/her by the way.

As for hubby sometimes they need time to work it out in their head first. Good for you for not letting your world stop while that happens.

sherijung said...

I think you've already identified the problem and solution yourself right here--that's what this kind of journaling is great for. Even you wanted to talk, you kind of knew that talking to a drunk husband wasn't the greatest idea. And you know that he feels insecure about areas of your life that are going really well for you and not nearly so great for him. Plus, the whole having to defend the indefensible behavior of a family member is just never easy.

I know it's hard(BELIEVE me, I've been there before, will be there again), but sometimes it's way better not to be a shit disturber when you know the possiblity of a bad outcome is high. That's part of growing up on your side of the equation.

Just offered as advice from someone who has been there, done that, thrown away the size XL t-shirt.

CaRoLyN said...

Crappy that you had a blow out with hubby. Sometimes Scott and I can break out the big guns after a few drinks, but usually only when he's drinking and I'm sober because drunk people are so annoying!! hahah.
Hopefully you guys will be able to talk about it tonight or sometime soon. The best part? Making up! I always feels closest to Scott after we've had a huge fight and we make up!
Or maybe you just need to grow up like Anonymous says. HA What an idiot!!!!