much better today

food is going to be WAY better today. and I think a little more typical. Just had a lot of bad food at the house from the weekend.

ANYWAY I'll finish my post from yesterday now:

So yeah, I looked good at the wedding. Though I'm having trouble finding a picture of me. Here's what I got so far:

Of course I'm the one with the white pants and red and black shirt. Doesn't show a heck of a lot of anything but at least I don't look fat.

Sunday was shopping with in laws (after I slaved over the stove making b@con (that's for you Mandy, hopefully it doesn't make you drool if I disguise it) and eggs and toast etc while I only wanted toast and egg white scramble. So that's all I ate. Anyway, that was "brunch" again. ate around 11. Then like I said shopping. Ate a granola bar. drank diet coke. then back to the house with FIL only as he stayed another night because he had an appointment monday. So that's when he decided to treat us to p!zz@ and dry ribs and chicken wings. So i made salad and garlic toast to go with it. But not a great meal. And no exercise. But it's over.

Yesterday we all know what I ate. Ew. I actually changed supper to veggie stir-fry leftovers and a fibre bar because hubby and I went into town to visit. But I also never worked out because of this. And I never worked out this morning. I'm just so tired. Maybe I've got West Nile. Or maybe I'm pregnant.

Expect I know I'm not. But guess who is? Don't tell anybody but my SIL is 3 weeks pregnant! (not roommate one) She told her mom and dad sitting in her living room just before folkfest and everyone's talking and getting coats on and whatever and she was like "did you hear that mom, I was saying that I'm due in April, hope that doesn't interfere with your plans for that holiday..." and then MIL was like "early April or late?" and that's it. MIL has been poking and proding me and SIL to have babies for 3 years hinting all the time. But that's how she reacts. I'm sitting there and I look at SIL and I'm like "that's it? You're pregnant and I found out like this, not "hey guess what?" or anything!" I was floored. Then then next thing I know is she's talking about scrapbooking and this new catologue she's got. Weird. I was expecting jumping and hugging and I would have done that but I would have been the only one.

She's the one who was on LA weight loss too. She is 5 lbs away from her goal. Ridiculous! I haven't seen her in awhile and she looks good. So why does that make me angry and sad? I hate her for losing weight! Why? Because she's skinnier than me and I used to have that over her. I was "better" than her in that way. now she's "better" than me. I hate that I feel like this. But I do! I know that her weight changes nothing about me except this part of my attitude and I'm letting it make me feel bad. She's not trying to make me feel bad. Even if she says anything (which she hasn't) she's gonna say it in a way that's making her better. She's gonna brag about herself and raise herself up, not call me fat. I don't know how much she lost, I'm guessing 40 lbs or something. Here's something terribly mean that I was thinking: good thing she's pregnant now because she'll gain weight again and probably will have a hard time losing it again. Terrible! I wouldn't want somebody to hate me when I get skinny and wish me fat again. But I just feel mean and catty like that so there.

So this week I'm adding a goal: don't think mean thoughts. I know that I'm happy when I'm thinking happy so I'm going to tune me thoughts to that channel. (you can completely control how you feel, it doesn't happen to you, it's a choice, unless it's a clinical depression which is a disease. But don't tell me your life sucks because the reason it sucks is because you're thinking of the sucky things. If you think of the happy things you'll have a happy life! I may blog about this later but I think I sound like some weird new agey yoga hippy.)

Scale this morning showed a .2 lb loss so I don't think that pizz@ was too bad for me. I gotta hit the weights and run tonight then go to bed early. Then i'll be totally set up for a loss this week. yay!