how i celebrate

I'm wearing (one of many) my halloween socks and undies today. Socks are bright orange and I'm wearing them with open shoes so you can see it. That's about the extent of how I'm celebrating the day today. I am excited to see all the cute little kids in their costumes. SIL is bringing her baby by the office today to show me her costume. I guess if I was thinking I would have brought treats to the office that I could give her. But really, she's 6 months old, what was I supposed to give her? a bowl of pablum?

How I'm NOT celebrating today is by eating chips and chocolate. I did that yesterday. yes serious. Why can I not get serious about this weight loss thing? It's absurd. I have a great plan and it goes out the window like it was never even there. Very frustrating.

On the one hand I do think i'm looking good. I'm very obviously 5 lbs heavier but I think it looks good on me, everywhere but the belly. I have more curves at this weight and more of an hour glass shape. When I was thinner, my jeans fit better but I had more of a round shape, because the weight was still all in my belly but not above or below it. Sort of weird.

I think that what is really going to help me get started is to focus on the exercise, specifically the weight training stuff. That always gets me feeling good, and motivated, and when that happens I eat better. So even though I haven't done any workouts besides my 2 classes this week (aka nothing at home) I'm going to do a strength workout tonight AND tomorrow. I'm also making popcorn and having it around me all the time. Keep me out of the chips and candy we'll be giving away tonight. (I air pop and then put seasonings on, so yes healthy alternative)

Yesterday I bought the fabrics for my bags and decided which pattern to start with. I was all set to start then I remembered I had to wash my fabric still (so colors wouldn't run and it wouldn't shrink if I washed the bag) so I did that last night. I bought 1 m of 5 different fabrics, and each bag needs 2 different 1/2 m. So I should have enough for 5 bags. Cost me $10. Not too bad if they look good, if they look like crap then I would have been better off buying the $1 reuseable shopping bags from the grocery store. Wish me luck this weekend.

Other than that, not much to report. I am a bridesmaid in my sister's wedding. yay! she doesn't know who's going to be maid of honor yet which is sort of weird to me. Like is she having auditions or waiting to see who helps the most? Anyway, so this weekend we may be going dress shopping (she hasn't replied yet to confirm!). We're also planning a trip to Edmonton to shop (and also visit my preggers friend!) in about a month so that's awesome. Coincide with some Christmas shopping I think. yay!

So my big plans I've got for the weekend:
1. Give the house a once over cleaning wise. Everything still looks sparkly and clean from last weekend, but prevention is the best medicine!
2. WORKOUT!
3. Make some raspberry jam (again). Follow directions this time. (I've got frozen mashed raspberries from my mom).
4. May a big pot of homemade soup to freeze for lunches as I'm finished the last bunch.
5. Sew some cute bags!
6. Potential shopping with my sister.
7. Potential helping hubby in the basement (my cold room is finally done and I moved most of the pantry stuff over last night but still have some organizing and stuff I need help with.) That reminds me, I better use some canned beans in that soup! I've got tons!
8. MAYBE have a date with hubby. We've got movie coupons from ages ago, so I'll check if anything good is playing. Also maybe we'll visit some friends who are getting a new puppy.
9. get some sleep! I'm so tired all the time still!

Wow, that's a lot to pile in, but it all is fun (except cleaning house, but won't take long). Should be enough to keep me out of the halloween candy!

oh yeah

is there some holiday coming up, oh I don't know, TOMORROW? HALLOWEEN! Or Hallowe'en if you're a stickler for that. I have no plans. I have no costume. And it's on a FRIDAY. Ridiculous. How old am I? Must be 57. EVERYBODY has plans for a friday night halloween. Nope not me.

What am I going to do? Probably just watch tv and hand out candy. Try to contain my dog.

Until about 10 minutes ago I didn't have any halloween candy. Oops. (blaming TOM chocolate craving, and it was a serious one, it wasn't right in front of me either, I went and bought it) Oh well, this happens sometimes. I had a really good workout and am planning another good one tonight. chocolate happens. I put it away.

Anyway, yes, had a good workout last night. Instructor has been remembering my name lately. And I should mention that I don't know anyone else in the class. There are people I've been taking it with for like 2 years and they've all got friends they visit with pre-class. Not me. Anybody want to come to Saskatchewan and take an exercise class Mondays and Wednesdays with me? ;) Anyway, so first she commented that I look good with dark hair. Then she called me out during some kicks and gave me an advanced move to try. As in "Randi, challenge, don't put your foot down in between!" And I'm like in the front row, so everyone gets to watch me try and keep my balance and fail (though she was right it was a much harder workout!)

Anyway, eating still isn't great. Appetite is blowing my whole planned eating. I have to plan bigger meals, at least this week. (soup and sandwich weren't enough last night, added some toast, damn I love toast). Salad and carrots weren't enough for lunch, had to add an oatmeal bar.

tonight I'm going to eat a tuna wrap. I'm also going to thaw a ton of berries and put splenda on them. Hopefully I can distract myself from eating dessert until Grey's is on and then I wont' have a nighttime snack (like I must do during Grey's for some reason) and I won't have an extended supper while never satisfying the dessert craving.

ANYWAY, I think I'm going to go buy some fabric and mess around with those bags tonight and on the weekend. I don't think I can wait for my friends. I'll still do it with them, but I need some for myself first. ;) We'll see how it goes. If I'm awesome I'll document it with pictures and put a tutorial up. we'll see.

other things I'm into now

So my girlfriend suggested being crafty for Christmas. She wants to make tea towel totes (or this, this or this). And that has inspired me to google thousands and thousands of sewing templates and tutorials online. I can hardly get any work done. It's ridiculous. I am so excited for this. She's going to buy some retro tea towels or curtains or something at Value Village for us to use. But then again we might go buy fabric if we're going to be awesome at making them. So excited. I also want to sew something for my friend who's having a baby in January (like a baby blanket or something). And I want to sew oven mitts and an apron for MIL for Christmas and make a jean quilt for my hubby. SO excited for the sewing with free patterns.

Do any of you sew? Is it worth me talking about on here or do you have any good patterns or do you have other things you sew or want to craft for Christmas presents?

false start

So yesterday ended up being nothing like I planned. Absolutely nothing. But I'm not going to dwell on it. Or even tell you guys all about it (suffice it to say my dad was in town and took us out for supper with appetizers and dessert). Anyway so that was a bad day. However, I feel gross now, and just dread eating completely. It's 10:20 and I should be having my morning snack, but the thought of any food sort of grosses me out. However I also was reminded of a lesson I've learned too many times yesterday. Don't get too hungry, eat when you're supposed to eat. Driving to the restaurant I was feeling faint and having cold sweats and seeing spots. Then I ate every single thing I could find on my way out the door and in my car (chocolate bar, crackers and cheese, more crackers.) It was a blood sugar thing, not just a binge. I would have drank pure maple syrup if I could find it, I was gonna pass out. (sometimes I get like this, sometimes I can go forever without eating with no problem. Is it hypoglycemic or something?)

Anyway, so hopefully my lack of appetite today and disgust with myself today is enough to let me have a good day. (always the bright side). Today I've got kickboxing class. there goes the evening. I also have to get some groceries today. (lunch has canned fruit and pudding as I'm out of fresh stuff besides an orange.) I didn't plan supper yet. gotta be something light because I always feel weighed down in my class. Maybe some soup and sandwiches or something.

Anyway, that's all I've got today, I screwed up yesterday (the scale showed me down 0.2 from yesterday anyway though). Today I'm not going to screw up. that's it.

baby steps

So I'm trying to look at this whole thing as starting something new, not just picking up where I left off (obviously I was stalled at where I was). So I'm trying to do just a couple things this week (I almost said to get back into it, but no, to get into it, not back...) This week my challenges are going to be to cut out the junk food (I've been eating twizzlers daily) and to get back to doing strength workouts. It's not even noon and I've already dipped in my twizzler bag, so I can't say nothing for today, but nothing more! I'm going to take them home and send them with hubby to work.

Yesterday I had weight class. It has been a while since I've been to this, because of Thanksgiving, being home for the wedding, and I think it was cancelled before that too because instructor went to a concert or something. Anyway, it's been awhile for me for squats and stuff (hard core) but she does an abbreviated version of the class after kickboxing (30 minutes or so as opposed to 1 hour). Anyway, so this class was absolutely killer! Last time I was into this class I was using 8 lbs for everything for pretty much the whole track. This time, I couldn't do that at all. AND when I tried, my legs completely died (mostly legs). My legs were absolutely shaking during deadlifts and squats and lunges and I wasn't going as deep as I used to or anything. But it is very exciting to be back into it. I love the sore muscles I'm feeling today. I also had a hard time doing the pushups and chest work and the tricept stuff. It was nice to feel my muscles again, to feel myself working hard. It was also very frustrating to not be able to do what I knew I could do so it's great in a motivational way.

Today I'm going to walk the dog (yes we've moved on to walks, I wear my winter coat, I'm too big of a wimp to run) and then do just a quick bodyweight interval thing. I would like to be done by 7:30 so I can still have the evening for scrapbooking. I've printed tons of pictures and I'm excited to get back into it finally.

Funny thing yesterday, I'm sort of putzing around at work. Basically waiting for the day to be done. My Outlook alarm goes off. I'm suprised because I didn't know I had anything on it for today, usually it's a conference call or a reminder to fill in my time sheets if it's the end of a billing period etc. I look. Dentist in 15 minutes. WHAT?!? So I quickly throw my stuff in my bag and hit the road. Speed downtown. Get there just in time. I had a filling that was slightly broken or something. but it only needed a little bit of drilling. So she did it with NO FREEZING! yay! I hate freezing more than anything. It wasn't very deep and I could only feel anything at the end and it really only felt like sensitive teeth or something. And I was out of there way quicker and wasn't drooling!

Then hubby and I had a nice evening. He got off work early and I was bugging him about how he was just watching tv and I'm rushing home to make supper. So we made supper together. And it was really good (homemade chicken fingers, wild rice pilaf and steamed broccoli. mmm) and quick. However after supper he went to work in the basement on putting shelves in my cold room and I went to class. Got home and he wants my opinion on the cold room. And I realize it makes me look like the bad guy, but he showed me and it wasn't what I pictured at all. But I said it looked done so good enough. but he wanted to know what I thought of it and I told him I wanted it differently but since it was done, whatever it will do. (and I really meant that, not in a passive aggressive way). So then we had a little fight about it and he got upset because I didn't like it, and I was like "well why would you ask what I wanted when you already had it done your way?" which is a continuous fight for us. I never like how he does it, but he never asks me before he starts. I went to bed and he ripped it apart and changed it. I really meant that he didn't need to change it but he did anyway. I feel bad for making him do the extra work, but really, don't ask my opinion if you don't want it right? I don't think he's mad still or anything, we were talking today, but I'll appologize tonight anyway.

Now I've got a presentation to attend, so I'll be eating lunch afterwards. Always helps with the day, snack will be later and smaller, I won't be hungry cooking supper = eat less all day! (except those twizzlers...)

other things

I dyed my hair on the weekend. it's now dark brown. I was nervous about it and therefore used non-permanent hair dye (28 washes so I shouldn't get bad roots).

I spent $30 on friday night at the mall and went home with 3 t-shirts (slightly dressier than my everyday clothes, I'm gradually trying to class myself up.) and 2 tanks, they were $5 or $6 each.

I did lots of house cleaning and movie watching. Not exciting but needed to get done. I even cleaned out my kitchen appliances, and found a bunch of stuff to get rid of. As in a sandwich maker, a bunch of measuring cups, my old stand mixer (I got a new one), electric can opener and a ton of cookbooks. I would love to try and sell some of this stuff but I'd only want like $5 each so it's harder to do it on ebay or kijiji, a garage sale would be perfect. Unfortunately we'd have to wait until next spring. But I think that's what we're going to do. We've got boxes of stuff in the basement marked "garage sale" but most of it's junk.

Today hubby got up for work an hour before I have to get up and usually he hits snooze on the alarm so it goes off every 10 minutes, totally annoying me when I could be getting real sleep. But this morning he just left it playing. An hour later, like most alarm clocks, it just shuts off. This morning I wake up at 8:10 (already late for leaving the house). Apparently I slept through the whole hour of radio without hearing it. AND I had gone to bed an hour earlier than normal at 9:30! Weird. Luckily my bosses aren't around this week so it was no big deal.

I actually have a big bunch of work to do now again for the next month or so which is nice. However it's a bit overwhelming too after tons of weeks of nothing. Also, my thesis defense is finally getting scheduled. apparently I have some delinquent committee members that basically haven't replied to any emails for the past couple months.

We think my neighbour had their baby on the weekend. (based on their car being missing, her being due around now, AND their other car parked on the sidewalk as if there were more important things going on than parking properly...) so I baked her some cranberry muffins and threw them in the freezer. I made 12 for her and the batter made 4 extra so I ate those in about 2 hours. Also, I bought a big bunch of bananas that were the perfect ripeness and ate 6 of them in about 6 hours. It was a carby weekend.

Restart

I don't think I've ever done the whole, "well I'm wiping the slate and today is day 1" thing. But I think I'm going to now. It's been over a year since I lost 15 lbs. Hubby is still talking about how I lost all this weight to people and how good I look, he didn't realize it's been over a year. I look the same now as when I saw all these people last time, it's not a new thing. Also, I met my mini-goal a couple weeks ago (SILs wedding). It wasn't the goal weight I had ideally wanted to get to, but it was a goal of looking good in a smokin' dress and I did that. I didn't really intend to, but all my weight loss for the last year and a half sort of built up to that goal. If it was my wedding I would have felt the same ya know? That was the big occassion that I did it for. (obviously I like it for every day occassions too but for some reason I needed a goal occassion).

I don't think I'm done losing weight, I'd love to lose 5 more lbs. Correction, I'd love to lose whatever amount of weight it is that makes all my tight jeans not so tight.

I had a pretty nasty end to last week. (even though I said my week off was done thursday, it went on friday too, involving an obscene amount of reece's pieces. My tummy hurt and I thought I would barf.) That along with my lack of exercise for a LONG time now means I am feeling those jeans more than ever right now. But I dont' regret it. (well I regret the tummy hurting part). But not the week off.

I think it's sort of like being a runner. You run say 4 times a week, inproving your time, getting faster, running longer and farther. Probably in preparation for some race. You could train to be able to run a certain pace or something, but it doesn't have the same meaning as an event. I don't think you can purpetually train for a marathon. You do it for say 12 weeks leading up to the race. Take a week off, then start a new training program for a new race. I feel like I've been "training" for the last 2 years and the wedding a few weeks ago was finally the race (carry the analogy further, I may not have timed the peak perfectly and run a personal best, but I did meet my goal time...)

Anyway, so I've had my week off to reset. I enjoyed it fully. But I'm starting to feel the itch to run again (literally and figuratively). So starting now I'm going to forget that I've lost any weight in the past. My new starting weight is my weight today (which I didn't look at so we'll go with tomorrow's) and I'm working towards a new goal.

I think the goal is going to be Christmas parties, my work and hubby's work as well as whatever we end up doing for New Year's eve. I don't know the dates of these but I think mid december. Therefore, I'm going to make up a training program for these next 8 weeks. (I don't feel as great about this as a goal as I would about another wedding or a beach holiday or something with a bikini, but I think it'll grow on me when I start getting Christmassy)

Anyway, that's how I feel, that's what I'm doing. I feel really good about it and excited to make plans and stuff. Plus 8 weeks is such a good timeline, not too long that it drags forever but long enough to see changes.

still tired

I am still tired, I am not going to bed early enough. I need to go to bed at like 8 or 9 tonight. I can just tape Grey's Anatomy.

Yesterday I did not go to class. I talked on the phone with my sister for 2 hours trying to figure out where she should have her wedding (our hometown, his hometown, or the city where they live now, all dealing with capacity of the hall, capacity of hotels, and costs) We came up with no solutions. But it was still fun wedding talk. I'm trying not to assume it but I'm pretty sure I'm a bridesmaid. But she hasn't said anything about it. We were talking about the groomsmen and how he wants one more than she has bridesmaids and she doesn't know who else she would pick to even it up. I'm sure she'd be able to think of me in that case so that makes me think I must be in already. but for some reason she didn't actually say that so I'm not going to say it either. Maybe she wants to ask in a special way or something. I'm trying not to barge in and say I'll do this and I'll do that (like sew a veil, make a slideshow etc) because it would be hard to say no to me I think and what if it's not what she wants. But I also think she might not want to ask because she'll think it's too much work. She's planning the wedding for next August so there will be plenty of time for everything to get worked out of course.

I am calling it a week today. Officially since last thursday I did no exercise and began my poor eating so this thursday I will end it. I had a few great days with chocolate bars and birthday cake and cheesecake and perogies with sour cream. But I was back in my closet and I remembered that my skinny jeans are still a little snug and it's almost time to dig out my winter coat and my dressy one doesn't fit over certain clothes yet. I guess we'll see tomorrow what kind of damage I did, but I don't think it will be a lot.

I was freaking out about money the other day. We sat down and did our budget and realized that with our bills and our $500 a month each of "fun" money, we were coming out in the red. Not to mention that hubby's fun money he spent in the last 2 months was not $1000, but in fact $3000. I was pissed at that. Especially because he really has nothing to show for it but a handfull of t-shirts and video games. For $3000 we could have gone on a holiday. So he thinks he'll make it up by replacing it with his Christmas bonus when he gets it. Well sure, fair enough. But I think he should be cut down to like $200 a month fun money, but he says that's impossible for him (his hockey and alcohol have to come out of this money. but I still have no idea how he spends so much). Instead we're both cutting down to $400 a month (why do I have to pay for his mistake?). Whatever. Then this morning I was wondering how when we both make so much money we're basically living paycheck to paycheck (we have RRSPs and insurance and all this other stuff built in so it's not really paycheck to paycheck). Then I remembered that I'm getting an extra $300 a month taken off my checks for taxes. So that works out to like 10% of my salary. So when that all comes back in the spring, I can put it into savings and top up my RRSP and all these things I want to do but can't find the money for now. PLUS we can maybe afford a small holiday, or to put in central air or buy the plasma tv hubby wants. phew, good thing I sneak money away like that! (not sure if hubby knows I'm getting the extra $300 a month taken off)

So with being on the phone so long yesterday I didn't really do any of the stuff I was goign to do around the house. I did dishes, hubby took out the garbage. But I still have tons of laundry to put away, my bag to unpack from the weekend. I am so looking forward to this weekend. I think tonight I'm planting my bulbs and maybe running with Daisy since it's supposed to be decent weather. No plans for supper, we've still got lots of salads and stuff leftover from the wedding.

And I'm back into it

My sister emailed today to talk wedding! Seems like I don't get much of a break from it after all! (but that's ok because I love it! PLUS I'm very very excited for my sister/best friend's wedding, I was choking up about it already!)

The wedding

Hello folks. So I'm going to try to recap my weekend even though it feels so long ago. Unfortunately I brought only 1 memory stick to work here so I only have some of the wedding pictures. Here's a couple with me to get things rolling. First are a couple pictures of me, but they were taken at the end of the night after I had washed my face already but hubby was goofing around. I think my dress is even half undone already, but unfortunately I don't have a lot of other pictures of me in my dress:







Check out the back cleavage here, but that's muscle right?


Me and a bridesmaid. I look good.

Just me clapping and dancing, I look dumb, I hope I didn't look dumb dancing the whole time. Plus you can see a little pot belly, but minor.

And here's a picture of the bride and the veil I sewed. I am not in it. and I didn't ask permission to post this picture. shhh.

Ok, so my weekend started thursday. I was way tired and sick after work, but I had tons to do still. I got my eyebrows waxed and I don't know why I don't do that very often, I love it. Anyway, then I did some baking and cooking and packing. I was finally ready to go home at 9:00 at night, but it would be too late, so I left at 8:00 AM friday morning.

Got home and unloaded the car. Hung out for a while before things started happening. We went into the school (that's all there is in this small town for receptions) to decorate. Did that and it was ridiculous. Things should be much better organized. There wasn't really a plan and nobody was directing the fiasco. Ugh, annoys me working with people in situations like that.

Anyway, we previewed my slideshow and people were crying (bride and groom were removed for that part) so it was a success. Anyway, ate some pizza they ordered, I had 2 pieces. Then we headed to the church for the rehearsal. Sort of another schmozzle. They ended up getting a different priest 3 days before the wedding. Seriously (the one had to go to a family funeral, so they had this old retired priest who was probably 97 years old. He wasn't bad, but wasn't very forceful in directing things either. again, annoying). Went home, helped MIL make the boutonnieres and bouquets. Then bed time.

I had a hair appointment at 11:30 so I could have slept in, however I was too excited when I woke up at 8 so I got up. Hung out with SILs before they went in to get their hair done, played with my neice a bit. Helped with more bouquets. Went in to get my hair done early, but she didn't finish it until 12:45, the wedding was at 1:30. OMG! Run home, run upstairs and throw my dress on, bride already had hers so I missed all those pictures and moments. (funny thing, I LOVED SILs dress, but even with $200+ of alterations it didn't look like it fit her well. It was all gapey at the boobs. Like super gapey when she moved, if she had perfect posture it was alright.) Anyway, throw my dress on, already had my makeup done. Tried to pack my purse, fix my shoes (inserts and heel guards etc). I thought we'd be coming back to the farm at somepoint to pick up my coat and whatever else I'd need for the dance but that wasn't the plan so I tried to throw everything together quick. Take off to the church at like 1:15. Barely get in my seat, still fiddling with my shoes, then they start coming down the aisle! It was so sudden. Got a bunch of pictures, but they're only alright (makes me want a new camera...). Did not cry, hardly managed to pay attention because I was SURE I would trip or my shoe would fall off when I carried the gifts up so was thinking about that. (I did not, it went fine, except when I bowed at the alter, I did it with my hands in prayer position, so I looked like I did a chinese bow thing!)

After the wedding we drove to get pictures a couple towns over. It was no problem for me, I was only in the family picture, we did one pose, first thing (because of the kids and babies) and then I got out of there with MIL and FIL. Stopped at the drug store because they needed bandaids and a pen for signing the guest book (last minute!). Then to the gym for cocktails and mingling before supper. I hate mingling.

Supper was good. Hubby did a good job of M.C.ing, but he went pretty long. He's always made fun of for talking too much. but it was funny. My slideshow was a big hit. everyone loved it. I cried during it. I was watching SIL watch it and I was nervous about her reaction. It was good though. But it made me cry. (very silly since I'd seen the slideshow 100's of times and it still made me cry). Then it was more mingling before the dance. And I still hated mingling.

The dance was fun. It seemed very short because the program ran long and then SIL talked me into helping clean up before I was really done dancing and stuff. I had a good time doing some ridiculous dances and even got complimented on my stupid dance moves. I also did a lot of jumping in front of the camera with jazz hands so you know it was way fun. I was hopped up on sinus medicine so no booze for me. Though people couldn't tell.

Cleaning up decorations was crappy. It was none of the groom's side, they just kept partying, even when we turned the lights on and were dumping their drinks, they'd just get another one. So annoying. But eventually we got out of there. I got to bed at 3:30. But up at 9 the next morning to help get ready for the gift opening that was at the farm. So had to haul in the leftover midnight lunch food, clean the house up. We kept it secret from MIL but their basement flooded again over night. (just happened a couple weeks ago and they thought it was fixed but apparently not. So we just mopped it up and put fans on it and shut the water off to the source). She's the kind who would freak out about it so she wasn't told. I couldn't imagine that, people not wanting to tell me something to save me from having to deal with it. But again, that's me and I am in NO WAY my mother in law.

Gift opening was exhausting. Lots of mingling. Ugh. Lots of eating too. My throat was sore so it was partly that. Plus my dress had been worn, I was a success so I sort of celebrated I guess. (It's still going on to be honest but more on that later).

Sunday night we looked at all the pictures from the wedding and watched the slideshow a few more times. For some reason I didn't go to bed until 11:00, even though I was so exhausted. But Monday was much more mellow. All I did was sleep and lounge and eat again. We came home last night and worked out some marriage things (household chores and money) which was nice. And now it's back to normal. Feels very odd that the wedding's done. How long was I planning this and thinking about it? Now I have to reset my countdown clock for something else. Christmas I guess. very weird.

I think I'm taking this week off from caring about food. I seriously ate like an idiot all weekend, probably 6 cheesecakes, no kidding. Lots of juice and punch. Lots of fruit and veggies too but lots of cake and stuff too. I weighed in yesterday, 138. that was AFTER eating a huge plate of leftover potato and macaroni salad late at night. I also think I look skinnier in the waist now than I did on friday. Very bizarre, but I think I need to reset my metabolism. So I have no problem with what I ate yesterday: 2 pieces of cake, poutine and a whopper for supper. It was my treat to myself for staying at work until 10:00 last night. (that would be 14 hours of work!!!) So I'm giving myself the week off from caring about food. It's whatever I want this week. I just don't know when I'm going to say the week ends. Probably tomorrow, then good for the weekend. Not that I have to eat BAD, but I just don't HAVE to eat good. I've been eating the same things as usual, carrots and yogurts etc, but I'm just saying it's ok to have cake basically. I'm debating going to my exercise class tonight. There's nothing else I need to be doing, but I'm just so exhausted. I haven't had enough sleep in any night for the last week. But to be fair, I don't think I'd sleep if I don't go to class anyway. So I'll probably go.

My crazy busy work from yesterday extended into this morning, but now it's done and I'm back to being bored. But only for the rest of the day I think. It is exhausting just doing the bored then busy thing. Hubby is back at work now, and they have inventory this weekend so he's working straight through until next week Wednesday. I feel sorry for him, but at the same time, I'm looking forward to my weekend. I have a lot of things that I've let slide for the last month. Housecleaning, cleaning up the yard before snow (which is probably next week!), planting my spring bulbs before snow, packing up my sewing things, I've had some half done scrapbook pages sitting there for ages. Looking forward to all this again.

Anyway, I know that was a super long post so congratulations for making it to the end! Feel free to lecture me about my good eating holiday, but I'm probably not going to listen to you. I have a feeling when I'm not so tired I'll be all the more pumped up to lose the last 8 lbs for good. Until then, I'm completely fine with eating office birthday cake this afternoon!

I entered the Gracie Gear Giveaway!

Check out Roni’s Weight Loss Blog for more information.

I am back

I am also busy. Turns out there was some minor drama at work while I was away and today I'm having to stay late to help wrap up a report that has to be done like yesterday. So I have no time to recap my weekend! Hence I'm postponing to tomorrow.

busy with boring

I've got boring work that's keeping me very busy (stressful level busy, well not for me, but for the guy I'm helping out). Lots of copy and paste, wait for the model to load, then repeat. And since I'm not here tomorrow I'm trying to really push it through to get it done before I go. That's right, leaving for the wedding tomorrow.

Yesterday was a good day. I went for a 2 minute jog with Daisy, then realized it was too cold and I had too much to do, so went home and grabbed the bike, and had a 15 minute bike ride with her instead. Then ate like 3 spoonfuls of soup hubby made, but he had it on the stove for over an hour and it had boiled down to very concentrated, I dumped it when he wasn't looking. Ate a plate of leftover turkey instead and 100 cal pack of special K bites.

Went to class, pushed as hard as I could. Unfortunately the instructor cut the class short so the back workout was abreviated. Too bad. I really wanted to work my back a) for posture, b) because my dress can really show it off. May do some extra back work tonight.

I did do side crunches which normally aren't part of the class. I really hate doing those so I wish I didn't. I think they make my waist thicker, INSTANTLY. I know they do actually. (working a muscle makes it bigger right?). I just couldn't sit there in class and not do it. I'm the one who always does the hardest option, doesn't take the rests etc. The way I workout.

Tonight I've got a wax at 7:00. I still have to pack was going to do a quick workout again. I also was going to back something for the gift opening, I wasn't asked to, but I thought it would be nice. Something quick and easy. Ideas? Recipes? (appetizer maybe, I've got lots of cream cheese, some kind of dip?)

I can hardly believe that this weekend is here already. This was my goal weekend for so long. I don't really think I'm quite at goal (wouldn't feel that great in a bikini right now) but I do feel good about my body as a whole. I look great in my dress, I'm really happy with everywhere except my tummy. But it will come.

Anyway, hope everyone has a good weekend. I probably won't be posting again until Tuesday but I'll be back with pictures!

spider

I just found a spider in my bra. Gross. This tiny thing crawling around. I saw one earlier at lunch and flicked it off but he obviously wasn't alone. That grosses me out significantly, where are they coming from? Do I have more? In my hair?

Just got back from lunch out with work. I had a thai chicken salad. It was the kind of salad that's mostly noodles, not veggies. I should really ask first. I didn't eat a ton of it, that's the nice thing about spicy food. it's easier to stop when you're full.

Breakfast was the same cereal as yesterday. Almost peanut butter toast, but the bread was moldy. Good because I forgot that I'm trying to steer clear of peanut butter lately.

Yesterday I went to Winners and then Walmart and then we went and voted and by the time I got home it was 7:00 and I was starting supper (quesadillas). So by the time I finally ate it was much too dark for a run. Poor dog. I did my inside metabolic bodyweight intervals. They're awesome. Well they start out awesome, but the middle exercises aren't too tough. The last one is good (jump lunges!). Then I helped hubby out with the Wheel of Love for the wedding (instead of tinking the glasses you spin the wheel, it's fun). Then it was bed time!

Tonight I've got to hem his suit pants and iron his shirt. He's leaving tonight with BIL to go home (since he can, I work tomorrow still). Then I've got to go to kickboxing class. Plus I want to book an eyebrow wax for friday morning or thursday night, plus I want to instant tan a little. I ALSO wanted to get some inserts for my shoes so they fit a bit tighter and my feet don't fall out all the time (anybody else have this with rigid pumps? or am I just a bad high heel walker?) PLUS I didn't find any little bolero yet, I know there's the perfect one at Le Chateau but I'm not spending $50. Sis said I can borrow her scarf to use as a shawl but thinks it might look dumb. Anybody have any ideas? I was thisclose to buying 2 m of black satin fabric and using it as a shawl/wrap.

I'm not feeling the skinniest. I think it's a feeling thing though. I'm going to try and make the next couple days super good and workout HARD tonight to hopefully shake the feeling and start feeling strong and sexy. I'm charging the camera folks because I'm promising some hot pictures of moi!

oh yeah!

I lost weight over thanksgiving! yay! I stepped on the scale this morning and saw 136.6 (or .4 I can't remember), so that's down from friday! yay! And the weekend wasn't perfect, but I did do a lot right.

My turkey supper was no bigger than any other supper (well bigger than at home, a chicken breast and broccoli, but no bigger than anything at my parents or in-laws). I had a small scoop of potatoes and gravy. a decent amount of turkey (small chicken breast size) with canned cranberry sauce. 1/3 of a plate full of salad and half a bun with butter. (I helped make the buns, they are SOOO good). That's all! and it was super delicious and I was full afterwards. I did want SOMETHING for dessert but everything we had was pumpkin, (my cake turned out great!) plus everyone was teasing me about fitting in to my dress (I started it though) so I just waited it out and felt fine. Brunch that day was pancakes and eggs. We also had some spinach dip and veggies and dip and suprise spread but I really didn't pig out like I usually do. I did eat some of everything which wasn't great I guess but stopped after a few bites of each. The night before we had steak for supper and driving out there I had a happy meal for lunch. (not too terrible calories in a happy meal). Supper once we got back was fish fried in butter, so again not perfect but fish is still good.

It was nice to just not care about food too much. I ate what I wanted to and stopped when I felt like it. It wasn't all finish your plate and eat it because today is the only day you're allowed to, or jam it in your mouth before your mind catches up to what you're doing. It was very nice.

I didn't get the workouts I wanted to in. I went for a walk with my mom and then when we got home I did my metabolic bodyweight intervals. That's all. Tonight I'm going to try and run if it's not too cold and wet, or else more intervals in the house. Tomorrow night is class and hubby is probably catching a ride home already. Then thursday after work I might be going home already. I don't have to be home for anything thursday night, just friday around noon, so I may hang out by myself and get a workout in, and go for a wax and stuff. We'll see how much I get done before hand.

Oh I should also mention that my dress fits. I can sit. It's still tight. I have some spanx that I don't like much because it does suck me all in everywhere, it also just sort of redistributes everything so instead of just a little pot belly, I'm just a little thicker everywhere. Takes away any waist I have completely. I'm thinking of getting just the girdle shaped one (not panties, just tummy). We'll see. I feel retarded shopping for that.

I also need a little coat thing, I'm contemplating just a black scarf (from my sister's trip to Europe perhaps?) to tuck around my shoulders for in church (my dress feels very un-chuchy). I was thinking of hitting the mall to look for a cheap bolero or something. But I think I'm probably too cheap.

Food today was cereal for breakfast, yogurts and fruit and garden carrots from mom for snacks, and turkey bun for lunch. A bit carb heavy but tomorrow I'll be back to leftovers and soup etc.

Time to check up on all your weekends!

what to do right

I always post so much on a friday and you all post so little. Poor pathetic me. But I have NOTHING to do at work. I'm just counting down the next 45 minutes. tick tock tick tock.

So being stuck at 138 felt very familiar to me. I had been stuck at this weight before for several months, before FINALLY breaking through down to 135 (back in late July before I went away for work and things went to pot). So I started reading those posts from back then to see what I was doing right.

Turns out, this crazy food thing is not new. I was having bad eating like crazy back then too. TOM and carbs just can't be kept apart right? BUT I was also pigging out regularly on fruit. I was eating a huge volume of food. I ate like 2 cups of cherries a day. Food at lunch was just huge. However suppers were on track mostly. Like omletes, no dessert. Or dessert of a banana and that's all. Granted I know that lots of fruit also can add up to lots of calories. But my food was lots and lots of protein and fruit. Not much else.

ALSO, all those carbs in the fruit was probably necessary to fuel all the running I was doing. I was running A LOT. Intervals 5 days a week. 3 times a week solid lifting. (this was the days of Body for Life workouts).

Compare to today? 2 or 3 workouts a week total. Eating packaged foods daily. smaller lunches, bigger suppers.

Hmm, wonder what to do?

foolin'

Am I fooling myself? Of course I know what happened (well I am suprised it happened overnight). I have been doing sucky ass on my eating. I have been eating processed foods, eating menthol cough drops constantly, eating more than usual, exercising less than usual. Duh i'd see a gain on the scale.

There IS something going on with me right now. I'm craving a binge. Some people crave chocolate or something right? And the advice is to just have a little bit of it and not deny yourself and you'll satisfy your craving and it will go away. Well what if your craving is stuffing your face? That's always my craving. Feels like it's some sort of weird psychological thing like I was neglected as a child and have to fill a void. If it is something like that, then I don't know what it is. It's deep, not ready to deal with it yet obviously. ;)

When I was a kid and would get to buy a "treat" for $1. I'd buy chips almost every time over chocolate bars (in fact I probably have bought a chocolate bar for myself less than 20 times in my life) just because you get more with chips and a chocolate bar is so small and gone instantly.

I love eating pudding and just taking giant spoonfuls, at the end when you're scraping the bowl it just is so unsatisfying.

So lately I've been wanting to pig out. I neglected to mention the kettlecorn popcorn I ate last night. (it's called like uncle ted or something, it's only like 100 calories for 3 cups of carmel popcorn.) but because it's "not too bad" I don't really keep track of it and just eat out of the bag and time flies. It did not satisfy my craving.

I'm scared for this long weekend. I do have a good plan for the turkey and veggie trays for snacks. But I'm sure there are going to be opportunities for pigging out. That's not the plan at all though.

I think it's because I haven't let myself have a cheat in so long. I HAVE cheated, but it wasn't "allowed", so it really was cheating I guess. AND they weren't really big things. But I've been doing little bad things probably daily for weeks, hindering my progress, but not letting me feel like I could deserve a planned cheat.

I am now planning a cheat at the gift opening after the wedding (the food is better than the wedding - plus I'm not wearing that tight dress any more!) so a week from sunday. Maybe if I know I can eat whatever I want - no guilt - for just that day, I'll be able to put off any cravings until then.

Something else weird is happening. I'm not caring any more. I do still want to lose weight and inches etc. But I've lost the link between eating and exercising and losing weight. I think because I'm still basically the same size/weight as a year ago. So all this exercising and eating well hasn't done anything yet. So it's like that's not the answer or something. I dont' know what's going on. But I just feel like eating whatever I want. (still within the healthy umbrella and I still don't want to add too many carbs into my supper or anything.) Actually it's mostly candies and sweets. AND it's probably mostly because they're around. So I think I've gotta have a talk with hubby about leaving all his candy corn and real fruit gummies and halloween chocolate bars around. I'm eating them more than he is!

Talking things out is so helpful isn't it? 2 messed up eating "feelings" have just been solved - a planned cheat in a week and out of sight out of mind.

Thanks guys, that was really helpful. ;)

Excuse me?

So I really don't understand what happened. I gained 1 lb to 138. Yesterday I was at 137.2. I did eat much later than usual only finishing supper at 8:00. And I didn't workout (but that doesn't usually have an immediate effect, more long term). And I'm sick. Could that have something to do with it? I ate well yesterday. I guess there are always things like that we don't understand.

so I gained 1 lb.

I was feeling bad so I did measurements to compare to a couple weeks ago (when I bought the dress and was freaking out that it didn't fit.) I'm down 1/2 an inch in my belly button and waist, and 1 1/4 inches from my ribs! Yet my weight on both measurement days was 138. So at least I'm making progress. I think it's probably unreasonable to expect to lose any more inches in just 1 week. (though gaining is possible! being careful!) Though I know my body can tighten up even after a day of working out hard (which I will be to keep this belly in check!)

Anyway, I went shopping yesterday with my sister right? the only thing I bought was cold medicine. We were looking at shoes mostly. Me for with the dress, her for some every day booties. Found LOTS, but I'm too cheap and she's too fussy. I'll probably borrow her shoes for the wedding assuming they fit. Saw a bunch of shirts too, but it's too big of a step for me to buy most of them for work. (I'd look dressed up! today i'm wearing walmart jeans, a tank top and a bunnyhug - i mean hoody).

I have had something in my eye for the last 24 hours, I cannot find it and it is SO irritating. Yesterday I wiped it so much I took off all the make-up from that eye. looked funny.

I didn't workout last night because when I got home at 7:30, hubby was fixing a leak in our kitchen sink so I had to help him there for awhile, then I ate. Then Grey's was on and I felt so tired and sick I just went to bed after. I think that's probably just as good for me as exercise.

Anyway, things are a bit busy at work (for like the next 2 hours, then slow for the rest of the day I'm sure) so I'll probably write more later. If not - have a good weekend!

doped up

It's sort of ridiculous trying to do work right now - and I'm doing mindless stuff! I had a Dayquil pill - just 1 and my brain is all fuzzy. I can hardly concentrate, all I can really do is just stare at something. Next thing I know, 10 minutes have passed and I can't remember what file I was trying to open or whatever. Working on the hydrating too and feel much better, just dopey.

Turns out I am going to go shopping with my sis after work. Maybe buy some new heels to wear with my dress. Maybe some cute work tops (not just t-shirts and bunny hugs) with my sister's new fashion sense.

Also, today's big winner is Angie for totally calling me out on my excuse. Eating more but it's ok cause it's fruit. I even gave you guys that quote at the beginning of the BLBE! She called me on it and that's awesome - because it was done at an opportune moment too, I was about to munch on the rest of my lunch - food that's supposed to last me until supper, at 12:30, then probably be starved in the mall and get something I shouldn't. That's what this is about this time right people? NOT just saying "oh that's ok, you'll do it next week". NOT letting us get away with anything!

help. ow.

My throat hurts. It the way it does at the beginning of a cold. Like you need to clear your throat every three breaths. I'm a total baby about it too. I couldn't sleep last night. I laid in bed for over an hour getting really sleepy but that tickle in my throat just wouldn't let me sleep. I finally had some Nyquil (sp?) and was asleep just after midnight. Then up again at 7! (probably lots of sleep for most of you, but I'm used to 2 hours more than that, and even that I don't think is enough, particularly when sick). Anyway, my throat felt better in the shower with all the steam. And it felt better when drinking my smoothie, and eating the all bran bites on the way to work. Feels slightly better sucking on things (candies or vicks etc), not much better when drinking. It is just constantly irritated. I am definately not hungry in my tummy, but I want to eat something (yogurt, pudding etc) just because it feels nice on my throat. Anybody have any advice? Any advice on the sucking candies that won't pack in the calories too? (I'm almost out of sugar free Ricola, was going to go buy a bag of mints or something.)

So yesterday was a really good day. Felt pretty much on plan all day. Didn't do anything wrong at supper time or in the evening. During the day I ate a bit more than recently (just extra fruit though) and it maybe that helped. I went to class last night even though my throat was like this. It also felt fine when working out. (I think I need to distract myself from it). Granted I didn't push myself as hard during the cardio. But did good during the weights!

I also tried my dress on last night and scared the crap out of myself. It wasn't doing up at all! (normally I can zip it myself all the way up, but not last night and hubby even thought he was going to break it or something. Wanna know how tight this dress is? Turns out I can't wear a bra with it! That was the difference, I'd always tried it on without before. It fit fine without, and I even managed to sit and watch a video hubby has made. (granted I feel like I need to suck in my belly all the time, so I might want to get me some spanx anyway - assuming they fit under this thing!)

I also weighed this morning and saw the very nice 137.0 again. So depending on how today goes, I should be back at my starting weight for the BLBE at least (nice progress, 3 weeks in and I'm at the start!) :(

I was going to go shopping today but I think I'll just do some errands instead. (so still shopping, but not for fun clothes with my sister.) Try and do my metabolic bodyweight intervals tonight while watching tv, assuming I don't feel worse. I hate being sick. Hopefully it at least affects my appetite! ;)

great advice

Thanks for the input guys. I am now going to hang my dress in the kitchen so I see it whenever I go to eat. I'm also going to try it on every second day (or there abouts) to remind myself to do something.

ALSO, I'm going to prep a big tray of veggies and dip for at home. I may also make some kind of reasonable treat, like Hungry Girl chocolate chip cookies or something. Then leave them at mom's. (won't be tempted by the much worse for me treats hopefully.)

I already feel skinnier (the passing TOM is helping too.)

Just what is wrong with me?

I'm acting like I don't care anymore. Seriously. I ate a giant piece of chocolate cake yesterday, AND hubby's icing. On a tuesday. I barely even feel guilty about it. Very unlike me. I'm eating great during the day, supper comes, and I just over do it. I think I should start breaking supper in 2. Have a night time snack a few hours later. Might help.

At the same time, there's not a ton of time left here until this wedding! (thankfully dress still fits same as on the weekend). Tonight I've got kickboxing. Tomorrow contemplating shopping with my sister. Then it's the weekend already and it's Thanksgiving long weekend, we're going home. I'm seeing myself baking buns with my mom and then doing the whole turkey thing Sunday. Coming home monday. Then next wednesday is kickboxing again, then thursday night we're probably going home already! That leaves me like tuesday as my only "normal" day.

So basically I'm really busy and the weather is not cooperating to get any outside runs in. Luckily my mom and dad have a treadmill and a bunch of weights so I should be able to get a good workout in at home. (pop some tv on and at least walk for a whole movie!)

The eating at home sometimes gets tricky. I think I'm going to bring home a veggie tray, that way at least when I'm munching it will be healthy. Also thinking of making a dessert (pumpkin layer cake for those who just got the kraft what's cooking email!) since I don't like pumpkin I won't like dessert! Mom's a pretty low key turkey maker too. Not tons of salads and stuff, cooked peas, mashed potatoes, turkey and stuffing. AND I don't like stuffing. So usually I go nuts on the potatoes, but I think I can manage restraining myself on just that. I mostly love the leftover turkey buns. mmmm turkey. The thing that gets me is the snacking at home, cookies, chips, little appetizer things. I think as long as I make most of these things I can be in control of the health and appeal of them. Plus we'll be doing lots of visiting on Sunday talking about everyone's trips. And if I can get some running/walking in and hopefully that metabolic interval bodyweight stuff once. Try and get home early enough Monday to get back to normal as opposed to the leftover holiday hangover feeling.

Today, in preparation for my class tonight, and how I hate going feeling full, we're only having sandwiches for supper. I bought some sprouted grain bread, some turkey breast slices, mustard, lettuce, tomato. mmm.

TOM shows up today, so hopefully these weird food habits go away. And a few lbs.

a day

So yesterday was sort of amazing food wise. Then not so amazing. I feel like some sort of scientist studying myself and my food habits lately. They've been so all over the place.

Starting with eggs in the morning was awesome (so I did it today too). Kept me full right until lunch, not even thinking of food before hand. Then I had about a cup of my tomato soup, it wasn't quite tasting right so I stopped eating it and had a yogurt. Thinking I can have my "other" lunch in an hour if I was hungry. Instead I got busy with work, not particularly hungry, so I ate the other yogurt before my dentist appointment. So until 6:00 last night I had only about 400 calories and was completely satisfied. Of course I realized this at supper and made up for it. We had beef kabobs and sweet potato fries and steamed broccoli with cheese and veggies and hummus. All great food. But I totally overloaded on the fries. Then dessert was handfulls of candy corn which hubby bought and left sitting on the cupboard. My stomach hurt when I went for my weight class. (which went very well, I'm finally able to feel my butt in squats and lunges, really have to focus).

The scale wasn't too cruel this morning, so I'm still doing already for the week.

Tonight I've got a comedy show to go to with my siblings. It starts at 8, so I might not have enough time to do a workout tonight. If I do have time I'll try and get a quick interval run in after work. Supper is a slow cooked roast and probably more steamed broccoli (I bought a ton). Lunch/snacks today are spinach salad with 2 hard boiled egg whites (dog got the yolks). Veggies and hummus, yogurt and some pineapple.

I'm not alone?

I just started reading this blog post but am finding it comforting re: quitting tracking.

um no.

No, I cannot sit down in that dress right now. I agree that it mostly looks awesome, but the wrinkle part across my stomach is much more wrinkly than it is supposed to be. I'm stretching them to the max. The dress does a good job of corsetting me, sort of squishing me to fit the proper shape. Though there is a lot of room for a lower belly bulge should things get out of hand (but I can usually beat that with just a good week and lots of exercise, oh and regular bathroom trips). But still can't really sit down without thinking I'm going to bust the seams. Plus if I'm wearing it all day my posture and gut sucking abilities will not be spot on all day. It's not a lot of work, but there's room for improvement.

And if things go like this weekend, then a lot of improvement.

TOM hit me. Can you say carbs?

Sunday I don't think I had more than 1 serving of protein, and it was in peanut butter form. (well that's not true, I saw this trend and had a protein shake, but that's sort of fake food). I ate so many carby things. It was nuts.

Anyway, I did have a good time this weekend. Very busy. Friday was mellow. Then saturday went to pole dancing class for SILs stagette. WAY FUN! I couldn't actually believe how good we all looked. Good teacher I guess, or maybe it's not so hard. But we looked good I think. Too bad we're hiding the teleposts in the basement...A lot of the other girls complained that they were sore but I wasn't. I'm strong. ;) It did get you sweaty so it was sort of a workout. But only about as much as dancing. Then got changed and all dolled up and for drinks, and appetizers and games. (not so much games as embarrass the bride. Really funny. Good conversation starters except that her mom and MIL were there. so just embarrassing). Ate fairly well on saturday. Had a couple buns with mustard, a bit of spinach dip and hummus and guacamole. I did split 2 coolers with SIL. Then at the bar I had one more drink. It was a celebration, and I felt like it. No big deal. Water the rest of the night. I never had a traditional bar stagette and I used to feel sorta ripped off about it, but now I remember why I'm glad. Poor girl had to wear the buck a suck shirt (though she did make $100!!) and do various crotch shots and other embarrassing things. Being in the bar made me disgusted with the whole human race and I just got fed up with all the pathetic people in there. (or you could say I started feeling very superior and just looked down at everyone there) I left at midnight.

Got up at 7:00 to do the Breast Cancer run in the morning though! It was raining here too. And we only walked it. But 5k is still 5k so still exercise. It was sort of boring. It was nice to visit and talk with my friends while walking. But we skipped the whole post race booths and tables and just grabbed a bagel and left. Anyway, I did realize that while I am in really good shape I think, I'm not in walking shape. Seriously, my legs and back get really tired when I walk for just an hour (I'm always dead when we go golfing, mind you I carry my clubs too but still!) I can run for an hour and feel better than walking for an hour. Very weird. But I think I might start walking more. Just in addition to my other exercise.

Went home and had a nap. Then I was still tired all day and that's what lead to my carb binge. You get in that carb cycle of sugar crashes right? I tried to break it with my protein shake and it did help for a few hours. Then what else helped was getting busy. I finished neice's dress and it actually looks really cute. I'm really happy. It's not very comfortable for her (itchy inside, and she can't lift her arms comfortably, but I don't really care! It fits and looks good! we can work with the rest!). AND I started and finished the bride's veil last night. I am super impressed with myself on that. It looks really good. The tulle she got me wasn't the best for the look she wanted I think, it's too stiff, so it's a bit wider than she wanted (poofier?), but she was only planning on wearing it at the church and then in some of the pictures. And not on top of her head but under her hair. So it should be fine. So with 2 weeks to go to the wedding, I am all done all my stuff and can do nothing but get skinny! yay!

Oh, hubby went to the doctor since it's been 2 weeks for his appendix and he wanted to go back to work. Well he's not, another 2 weeks minimum at home and then maybe 2 more! Doc is being cautious since he doesn't know how the inside stitches are healing. Outside he feels fine. So it's hard for him to just sit around. At least he found some things he can work on on the computer now (he's got to do his emcee stuff for SILs wedding!). Plus he's cleaning up some of the boxes of junk from the basement. I told him he's not allowed to complain about being bored if he hasn't made supper and the house isn't clean. I'm sure I'll still be doing that, but at least he won't be complaining any more!

Anyway, today I'm beginning a damage control day. Lots of protein, (egg whites and salsa with cottage cheese for breakfast) and veggies. I'm even restricting fruit for a little while (read it in the Nutrition magazine I picked up, how to lose the last 10 lbs, stick to apples and watch all fruits later in the day). I've got tomato soup and stir fry for lunch. so I'm having 2 mini lunches instead of snacks. (dentist app't this afternoon). I'm gonna pick up some meat for supper today on the way home, since I didn't thaw anything. Maybe pork tenderloin if I can find them (for some reason my grocery store doesn't always have these!)

Then tonight I've got weight class. Should be good. Might also go for a walk or jog, it's supposed to be yucky rainy all week I think though. Try out my indoor workouts, practice for winter (jump rope?).

2 weeks to go

At least I can get it zipped up. Come 1.5 weeks if I'm not seeing a better fit I'm buying some spanx.

(I did also remember that TOM is impending so might be some bloat and cravings that should be disappearing.)

WI

So I weighed in today at 137.0. I believe that's a loss of 1 lb from last week (at least) but it's slightly up still from my BLBE starting weight. And no matter how many times I tried to pee more out or lean this way or that way, it wouldn't settle any lower (it did show lower though, just not sit there). That's ok. it's still a good weekly loss. But it's frustrating because I now only have 2 weeks until the wedding and am not feeling any smaller. But things can happen in 2 weeks.

It's also frustrating because I really really really wanted a snack last night and actually went to bed feeling hungry in my tummy (not just my mind). I made it thought that by convincing myself that I'd see a loss in the morning for sure (supper was lighter and early, done by 5:30, so I figured that food would have moved through me). no such luck.

This morning I had a smoothie for breakfast (to keep it light) but then also needed something to chew on so had a pack of all bran strawberry bites. I don't really like these much. Too crunchy not chewy. So breakfast approximately balanced out to any other day. I packed fewer snacks and a small lunch today because I'm contemplating not being at work past 11 (picking up M&D from the airport, may not go back...).

Last night I did that metabolic interval workout. It was really good. Hard. Sweaty and out of breath. Some of the things were a bit hard on my wrists but I'm just not used to them I think. I even still did it when hubby's friend came over and was sitting in the living room. Just kept crunching and lunging away. Super proud of myself for that. It recommended 1 to 2 sets of each group, and the first group i did 2, but just that took 15 minutes and I had 4 groups left so I did the rest at only 1 set. It was a great workout, and something I can do in front of the tv. All I needed was a ball and a step (which I used a kitchen chair for.)

I also finished the slideshow last night! I think I did a really good job. I used the song Memories of Us by Keith Urban. Nice country song. I even found a program and edited the song down to just the opening verse and then the closing chorus and you can't even find a seam. Awesome. I know that nobody but me is going to appreciate the music and timing and fading and everything but I think you might notice it if it was bad. Finally got that done. woohoo! Then tomorrow neice is goign to try on her dress. It had better fit! then I'll hem it, and sew the button, ribbon and bows on. Then all I'll have left is the veil and that won't take much time at all. I did have a dream (and I never remember my dreams) that it was wedding day and she went to put her veil on and I never finished it and it was all ragged at the end, but even then it didn't look bad, and she didn't care.

I'm not sure if I'll get my exercise today in. (can't remember what it was supposed to be...) Depends what I do this afternoon. If I skip work, then I will. If not, maybe not. I'm going out for supper with M&D and then supposed to go over to a friend's for a Wii party (which I could care less about. This couple is so funny, the girl is having it tonight to be mean to her husband since she knew he's be so tired from staying out late at hockey thursday. So hubby is supposed to come so husband can bitch about his wife to him. Meanwhile I am supposed to be friends with the wife...)

Tomorrow morning (depending how late we stay) I can probably fit a workout in. But that's when neice is coming over re:her dress. Then that afternoon I've got pole dancing class which is supposed to be a workout (I guess your arms right? but my MIL is coming so how tough could it be?) Then the rest of the staggette which should be really fun.

Sunday morning I've got the CIBC run for a breast cancer. Only we're walking it. Ug, not my choice. But still getting up at 8:00 and going for a walk is better than sleeping in and doing nothing. I can always run later in the day if I want. As long as I'm careful around the post race bagels!

I have a question regarding tracking for you folks - what do you do about restaurant food that isn't listed on their website? Just look up a generic whatever dish? Also, how about when you don't finish everything you measured out? (like supper last night, got full and stopped, major victory, but don't know what to track for it.)

I do think I'm going to change how I'm tracking things. Because yesterday for example I anticipated having stir fry leftovers for supper. But instead had taco leftovers. But I already tracked the stir fry. I guess technically I could have forced myself to stick to my plan, but that's really not how I roll. (the taco stuff was in their longer and won't keep as long, it's still a healthy food, I just forgot about it when planning). Plus then I didn't eat all of what I dished. I think I'm going to just get a little notebook and write down everything I eat. That way I can see myself being more accurate with the small things. Plus I don't need to freak over ingredients and stuff and entering new foods online. I think that will work better. I know what's healthy and what's not, and I can see what days are maybe more carby than they should be, or when serving sizes got too big. Doing the calorie thing is really messing with me too much I think and making me want to "cheat" and binge more than I ever have. (I do remember something like this from last time I tried to track and quit for this same reason, I went food crazy and rebelled).

It was a good exercise for me to do for a week because I saw that I don't need to worry about fibre and protein, I do just fine most days without trying extra hard. And my breakfasts make a huge difference in the daily total. I will occassionally stick the odd food or the odd day in just to check it, but I really can't do this. Please don't think it's wussing out or whatever, it really was changing how I look at food and making me think and do things that aren't me (aka opting for a 100 calorie pack because it's easier to track than measuring out baby carrots.) Plus it was taking up way to much of my time at work to find all this food and enter it. I'm still going to measure my serving sizes of things and write it all down. I can personally guarantee a loss for next week with this method!

Anyway, I only have 1.5 hours left here at work until I gotta go to the airport. Try and get something done in it! Have a good weekend!

I tracked

I did track, it's a very high protein day (thanks to an afternoon snack of tuna - yum!) and therefore a bit higher cal, 1644 (plus a diet coke, I ate my snacks early today! lord help me!) But another amazing fibre day (40 g). It's great what adding some fibre first to your cereal can do, that and eating like 7 cups of fruit and veggies (yes that's right, some of it cooked down in the stir fry though).

You guys should check out this post. It's awesome. Especially if you're an all or nothing person. "Did Buffy cry, eat cookies, and get fat every time there was an apocalypse? NO!" love it.

About my tracking, no I don't really plan it out in advance. Well a bit. As in I always eat the same sort of things for lunch, they're always healthy (unless it's eating out): spinach salad with chicken, egg or tuna, leftovers of supper the night before, homemade soup or curry i've portioned out and froze. That's it. Snacks are always a yogurt and fruit (though I'm trying to make it more veggies and now sometimes a tuna to keep the carbs in check) twice a day. Breakfast, now that toast is a treat, is always some kind of cereal with my fibre first. Supper varies a bit, but it's always a serving of meat (usually plain grilled something) and tons of veggies. Rarely a pasta or rice or whatever. I always eat like this (except when I'm bad and know it). So far with my tracking, it's just been tracking, as in learning what's in the food I eat. And so far so good. I do sometimes put it all in there around 10:00 am and realize I'm high or low so adjust supper plans, but that's about it. I did discover that I can mess around with my breakfast and it has a huge impact on the day. If I have a smoothie for breakfast, it's a lower cal day. That fibre first has 100 calories for just 1/2 a cup. Add that to my milk and mini-wheats and it's nearly 400 calories. A protein smoothie, just 160 calories. I think it's time to switch back to my multi-grain cheerios or raisin bran instead of the mini-wheats though. It's just hard to say no when you see them when you open the cupboard.

Anyways, I'm sure I'll get better at the planning with the tracking thing once I get used to how many calories are in what I eat.

I feel like rebelling again

I feel like rebelling and not tracking. I'm doing well, my food hasn't really changed since tracking, just sometimes feel good about it and sometimes feel bad about it. i'm eating just about exactly the same thing as yesterday so it feels like I don't need to. I think by saying that I'm forcing myself to track, just want you to hold me to it please.

So yesterday I cooked up a GREAT chicken stir fry. So healthy. I stir fried carrots and celery with just some water and some cooking spray (no oil, so not really frying). Added in onion, broccoli, snow peas and the cooked chicken. It filled up my wok so that the peas and broccoli which don't take any time to cook, took forever. Then added 1 cup of chicken broth, about 3 tbsp of soy sauce (still couldn't make myself measure this!). Cook it up for awhile. Then add around 1/2 cup of cold water mixed with 1 tbsp of corn starch to thicken it up. Just ate it alone, no rice or whatever. So good. Oh, I also added some ginger and some red pepper flakes, but I always add too much and make it too spicy for hubby. I forget how strong they are.

Anyway, after eating that I sat on my couch with the laptop and tried to find some of the songs you guys suggested. The hard thing is that I'm trying to match both the pictures, and the couple, and they sort of go against what I would do if it were my slideshow. I don't think they're exactly the indie music type. There's probably a country song that would be right, but I'm not really a country fan so can't think of any. That Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Ka'arkndslknelkndflsd guy (you know the one?) is probably what I'll use. It's a great song and it would be like a duh except that it was used in the slideshow at the last family wedding only about 2 months ago. Seriously people, what did you have at your wedding? (hello Angie?) if not for a slideshow then a first dance?

So I did that longer than I had wanted to (but to be fair I had to let the food get out of my stomach too). And then only laced up my new shoes with enough time for a 15 minute run before I had to go to class. So that's what I did. It was a nice fast run. Some all out sprints. And it felt fantastic in my new shoes! HUGE difference! These aren't even "running" shoes just trainers, but it was awesome with the added cushion. Just felt like there was more spring in my step. Even on the sprints. However by the end of the kickboxing class, my toes still hurt. But really that's after working out for about 2 hours. I'd say that's not the shoe's fault.

Work has improved a bit, this stupid research continues, but now I'm applying it a bit, and the boss seemed really happy with what I've done. Just about finished it I think, then I can move on to some boring data reduction work, that I've actually been looking forward to because it means I can listen to my podcasts.

Tonight I think my original plan was for pork tenderloin. However my fridge is over flowing so it's leftover night instead. Then tomorrow (which was supposed to be leftovers) my parents get back from their east coast holiday so we're probably going out for supper. Don't know where. But I can usually find something healthy. I'll try and plan lighter meals for the rest of the day too.

Exercise tonight is going to be the bodyweight metabolic intervals I talked about yesterday. I'm really excited for them. And finishing this stinking slideshow!!! Maybe doing the veil as well because then I can give it to her at her stagette saturday. We'll see. Ok, going to log food now.

YES Angie!

Thanks honey! I needed a bit of the tough love thing. (but you are sooo sweet while you do it. I can learn so much...) Duh I should weigh my chicken to figure it out. Haven't been doing that. And I didn't put those gummy candies in my tracker (they're 100 calories for 7. When I just eat 2 I think well it's like nothing anyway. But then I eat 2 at a time about 6 times, we're at 200 calories!)

I am getting frustrated with myself lately, not seeing changes as quickly as I'd like them. I really think I've gotta get shake things up a bit. Looking at food this closely just makes me want to rebel somehow. For example, last night I had a cheese slice on my hamburger. Now normally I wouldn't do this, (not worth it too me, too processed). I also had it on a bun, again, I'm not a big fan of burgers so I usually pretend it's like a round individual meatloaf and just have it with mustard. But because I had tracked and saw that I was way low on calories, I decided to top it up. Whereas another time, I was STARVING, but didn't eat an afternoon snack because it was already a higher carb day, thus leading me to overeat at supper. But I know I'm not really calculating everything properly anyway (as I said, I haven't weighed my meat, I didn't count my squirts with the Becel spray, I'm not counting my Crystal light calories, yes there are some in there, drink 5 of them a day and you're at 50 calories right?). I think I need to A) count these things better. and B) realize that not every day will be a perfect day. Assuming light activity (which based on a desk job, even with my exercise, is a good bet), I need 1960 calories to maintain. So basically anything under that is a deficit. Some days I've discovered I'm going to be eating 1700, other days 1200. This is all ok. Heck, some days might be 2000! I need to look at this in the bigger picture thing, like say weekly or something. At the same time, I also want to zoom in a bit more and stop eating half of my calories at supper. Spread things out a bit more.

ALSO, I really need to pick up my strength training. I was reinspired after reading this article by Rachel Cosgrove about how she got FATTER training for an Ironman, and then got her 6 pack back by doing NO running or biking etc. It's great for me because in one of her articles she gives a workout that can be done in place of sprint intervals for the same sort of effect. Definately handy now that it's dark so early.

Anyway, thank you Angie for that little kick in the pants, I'm all fired up now (and want to ditch work and go workout, not happening...).

tracked

So I threw all my food into the tracker again today. And what I guessed would be another awesome day showed me at 1800 calories! But it also assumed that 1 chicken breast had 370 calories. Google tells me it could be as low as 150 calories. (and since I'm having 2 today, it really adds up!) one is just a plain grilled no skin chicken breast with a spice rub. The other will be cut up into a stir fry (so I probably won't eat a whole chicken breast in that anyway). I tweaked the numbers to more reasonable values (is that cheating?) and it's now 1610 calories. Still higher than previous days but a good number. Especially looking at the protein and fibre again (131 g and 45 g respectively).

And this should make me feel better too. Yesterday I was conscious of wanting to eat all day. (I think tracking my food does weird things to me, we'll see how this pans out...) I ended up going to walmart and buying a pack of individual portioned trail mix. So I also ate 150 calories of nuts and cranberries. yum. Then I got home and hubby got cooking. I have a feeling that the bun I ate was much bigger than the calorie counter had guessed. I also ate a crapload of carrots with a little bit of becel spray and some splenda brown sugar. I also ate MORE of those gummy candies and did not work out! So even though it was a good day, ending it on that note made it feel like a failure.

(I didn't do my sprints because I didn't get home until 7:30, then after I ate it was pitched black out. could have done stuff inside but got caught up working on the slideshow.)

speaking of the slideshow - I need help. I have songs for pictures of the bride as a baby (daughter, loudon wainwright - the song at the end of knocked up, i love it, hubby thinks it sounds hillbilly. "that's my daughter in the water". thoughts?) the groom as a baby (bad to the bone, I don't love this because it might strike too close to home, he was a bad teenager, but we wanted something more upbeat and a little funny, any other ideas?) them as adults with friends and family (pictures of you by the last goodnight. She wanted this song and it works good). But for some cute pictures of the 2 of them together I can't find anything I like. Well I actually liked You and Me by Lifehouse, but it is sort of dated. but I like the feeling. Slow and lovey. Hubby likes Star by Bryan Adams but I think that sounds much more dated (there's something about a Bryan Adams song ya know?). I like the song from the Wedding Singer and the song from Juno, but I don't really think they fit the couple. Basically this song could be like a first dance song, or "our song" or something. So ladies? I know some of you were just in wedding planning mode and have been to lots of weddings lately. Hear any good songs that I could try?

Yesterday I also bought myself some new runners. Well they're trainers actually. We'll get runners in the spring again. Steering towards winter and indoor exercise. (only $70 for some Saucony's. I really like them) Tonight I've got kickboxing class. I may also try and do just 20 minutes of sprint intervals first. We'll see. (I may want to finish the slideshow instead!)