the ugly

• went to a 12-course greek meal yesterday with my family for a "Christmas party". So much food! I had a couple drinks too. Really ugly.
• the scale basically showed me how ugly this morning. up 3 lbs from friday!
• also contributing to that is the work birthday cake friday
• Oh, and also the peanut butter cookies I made (had to really try out this PB2) and then ate half a dozen of.
• Can't find anything in my closet to wear any more. Super ugly.
• My once too big jeans, my current only jeans that are remotely flattering that I can wear, now have a ripped crotch. You know you're too fat when you rip a big hole in your pants.
• Saw some pictures of me from Christmas. ugly.

Enough is enough right? I gave away most of the cookies, gonna throw the rest in the freezer for emergency friends over situations. Planning on salad for supper. I've got 2 classes this week. On my off days I'm running on my treadmill AND doing weights. No plans yet for next weekend. NOT going to eat out, AM going to workout and meal prep.

Brainsport is having their below zero sale this weekend. Minimum 30% off most shoes in store, if it's colder that -30, you get that much percent off instead (won't be, weekend's supposed to finally warm up). Anyway, I think I might go get myself a new pair of properly fitted shoes for $100 instead of $150. Did it last year and they lasted me through the summer races etc. The cheapies (though still $70?) I bought this fall aren't feeling as great.

Also gonna wrangle up some kind of shelf at eye level to put the laptop for when I'm on the treadmill. I downloaded a whole bunch of seasons of the office and entourage and stuff so I can watch that when working out. Little motivation.

Anyway, feeling very determined now. Unfortunately at work there's not much I can do. I can not do some things, not eat too much. But not doing things is much touger than doing things. Plus the food has already been packed for the day, choices are over. I guess I should just distract myself, back to work.